Struggling with baby - someone tell me it gets better?

[mimosaic]

We've just had a really awful day with DD (7 months). I'm not sure what I'm looking for really. Maybe advice or maybe just reassurances that things will get better...

DD has always been a tricky baby. She was colicky as a newborn, didn't sleep well and cried ALL THE TIME. She suffered from reflux and still sometimes possets. She's fussy and gets bored easily, and requires constant human interaction or she cries. She does not sleep well, and wakes often for feeds and doesn't settle. I've not had more than two hours uninterrupted sleep since she was born. She naps badly and needs me to stay with her or she wakes up. She doesn't settle for anyone but me, and only I can feed her (EBF and doesn't take bottle).

So, a very high maintenance baby. Each day I dread my husband going to work and look forward to him coming home so I can hand her to him, and to her bedtime so we can relax without her for a couple of hours. I cannot get anything done because she needs me every minute of every day. I know babies are needy, I totally get it, I do. But looking at friends' babies, they're just not like this. My friends are able to go out and do things and do not have their lives dictated by their babies. Why is mine this way?

My husband is very supportive, and without him I'd have had a breakdown by now. We don't have family nearby, plus as I mentioned DD is EBF and only settles for me so needs me.

I adore DD and would not be without her, but I don't always like how she is, if that's ok to admit. It's really hard. Does it get easier? What can I do differently?

Yes it can be really hard. Yes it does get better. My first was like this. Hence 6.5 year age gap! He's 12 now! Hang in there. Its better once they sleep. Mine was 4 years before we had sleep so we had it bad

It gets better, I promise! Soon she will be a lot more rewarding, the kisses and cuddles and beaming smiles help so much on the days when it's tough, when they sleep through life really does seem much better too.
Motherhood is tough. Sleep deprivation is a killer. Hang in there x

Thank you for your replies. So when does it get better? If the answer is 'when she's 4' I think I might weep...

We did two weeks of sleep training and she was getting better (down to 3 feeds in the night and only coming into our bed around 4am) but then she got ill so back to square one. Sleeping through sounds like a (really beautiful) pipe dream...

Oh my love I could have written this...both my boys were like this and I dreaded every single day. Yes yes yes it does get better, as soon as my eldest could crawl he could entertain himself and was so much happier and less fussy. My youngest took a bit longer as was a bum shuffler and didn’t chill out till he was walking. But my point is I was exactly where you are and I was so so down. I’m so pleased you have a supportive husband as so many don’t seem to. I would say at 7 months you are on the home stretch now, honestly I’m not just saying that! Oh I used to be so jealous of the people with babies who sat placidly and played with toys!! And cried whenever someone mentioned sleeping through the night when I was on 45 minute stretches. Everyone used to tell me to stop breastfeeding but I didn’t know how.

You are not alone and you are not doing anything wrong. My sons are happy as anything and I never thought they would be that way as they were so miserable as babies. Big big hugs to you please pm me if you want to talk xx

I had one of those babies, I couldn’t understand how people could sit in coffee shops with their babies so peacefully!!

A sling saved my sanity at times and getting out in the fresh air. Although I don’t believe you can do anything differently (you know your baby and what she needs) I realise now that this was just my DDs personality! She still doesn’t sleep particularly well at 6 years old, but she was certainly easier with every milestone.

You’ll get there! I promise!

Also if she’s EBF, will she sleep next to you? This really helped me, but I appreciate it’s not for everyone.

Yes, it gets better! I had one like that...he started to improve once he was walking and he has been lovely ever since (he's 20 now)

I can’t beleive I was reading this. I actually thought (in my tired state) I could have written it. It’s tragic at the moment & I also count down hours until bed time (makes me feel like an awful mum). I love my baby boy but he is challenging me and my MH in ways I didn’t know I could be :(

My DS was like this: co-sleeping saved my sanity.

Do you have many baby groups near you? My son was always happier out and about.

He's nearly two now and although he has his moments he is a wonderful toddler and sleeps through. I'm finding toddler hood much more fun than the newborn/baby stage!

Thanks everyone! I certainly feel less alone now.

Sounds like things will improve soon, perhaps when DD starts crawling. I'm keeping everything crossed for this. She did get better momentarily when we started weaning, but in the last week she's decided that solids are no longer for her, so

Hensolo, you're a hero for managing to raise two babies like this! I was desperately going through what I did 'wrong' during pregnancy with my husband earlier, and wondering what I can correct for the next baby. I'll bet it was the caffeine!

Biscusting, DD was sleeping with us before 6 months, but she was waking up 10+ times a night crying for boob, and tossing and turning. No-one was getting any sleep, it wasn't really working for us. We worked with a sleep consultant and got her into her own cot/room at 6 months but she's regressed since.

Yes it’s hard, yes it does get better. I found small baby land very hard. Same, user to look at other babies sitting peacefully and be amazed. Our son is 10 months, and I’d describe him as demanding (if rewarding!). Whenever I meet people who work with children or health professionals they all say ‘he’s very.... active/curious’ and then look at me as if to say, you poor sod.

I recently had his 10 month review and it made me reflect on how things have been. What I realised is that we are parenting the child we have. A lot of it is just messing in the margins, I’m not going to fundamentally change who he is. And that’s my advice to you OP. You are parenting the child that you have, and you’re doing the best you know how to do. I mean I’m not going to lie, I did tell my sil that anytime they wanted to swap their chilled happy baby for ours they were welcome... and I half meant it ;) But after the appointment I came out thinking a) he’s doing fine b) I’m not imagining it, he is demanding and that’s just how some of them are.

Things that helped: he started getting mobile, he’s basically been desperate to walk since he became aware that was a possibility. Not going to lie, there was a particularly trying month while he put that together. But since then I just continue to enjoy him more and more.

He also was a refluxy baby and though he’s still got a sensitive gag reflex he just stopped possetting around the age yours is now. Gradual but then I realised we no longer needed to have muslins everywhere.

Sleep - his sleep is crap, same with the 2 hour wakings. I got the no cry sleep solution and though I haven’t implemented it all yet, I sorted out bedtime routine and naps around 7 months. We also started taking him into bed in early am wakings not long after. My partner takes him on waking 6/7am which gives me a couple extra hours. I also noticed that sometimes he can be settled in cot, can be settled by my partner. It seemed to be developmental with him.

So it does get better and it is hard xx

Ah Reetgood, what's this 10-month review? I'm in London, and haven't seen an HV since DD was maybe a few weeks old. Should I book an appointment to see one? The HVs here aren't great, so I figured there wasn't much they could do for me.

@mimosaic you should get a letter, it happens between 8-10 months I believe. Was run by a nursery nurse I think rather than a health visitor, I had to go to them. You fill out a questionnaire before going and it’s a lot about catching developmental delay plus checking on health of mother. Usual q’s to flag risks. But it was really useful for me to see how what I find normal is compares against other benchmarks.

Both of my DD’s were like this, totally opposite to my DS who was always independent and a breeze really. They were just completely attached to me from the start, wouldn’t go to anyone else (even XH at times...) and I thought I was going to have a breakdown at times in all honesty. I used to have to bath with them because they wouldn’t even let me wash in peace! Toilet trips were either also with them in tow or I’d have to let them cry while I peed. It was a nightmare.

My middle DD is still quite attached aged seven but obviously nowhere near as bad! She still wants to know where I am at all times and gets upset if I forget to tell her “just going to put the bin bag out” for example. Youngest DD is six and is every bit as independent as DS now, you’d never say I spent a year and a half with her in my bed glued to my breasts at all times! So clearly it can go either way but even with middle DD its nowhere near as bad as it was back then.

Thank you Outpinked for your perspective.

As a first time mum, I just don't know what level of attachment is 'normal'. Every baby is different, etc. but what are other parents finding? DD won't really play independently. On a good day she will go in the Jumperoo for five minutes by herself and not cry if I leave the room. On a bad day we literally spend the day glued to each other, shower, bathroom trips and all DD has a lot of toys, so it's not like she's short of entertainment. She just wants me to amuse her instead...

My DS was like this - we got rid of the Jumperoo as he hated it. He was much happier once he learnt to walk. He's a really wonderful toddler now.

I used to be jealous of my SIL as my nephew would happily take a bottle and settle for his dad, so she'd often have nights out whereas DS would be hysterical if I left him with DH to pop to the shops. Her DS is now a very difficult toddler...swings and roundabouts.