At a loss for words

[Benny4]

Such a bizarre call from my daughter's school. A mum (who I know to talk to) had complained to the school, that my daughter had touched her daughter, and she wasn't happy about it. The touch was on her bottom, over her tights. They are both 5. The other girl has had play dates at ours, and my daughter has been to her birthday party. They are part of the same little circle. I was mortified. Genuinely do not understand how such innocence has been twisted. What would other parents feel about this?

I agree it’s OTT but it obviously made the other child uncomfortable and that has to be respected

Hmmmm, that's pretty much what the school said. I appreciate once it's been said the school have to follow through, but just seemed a bit (lot) gung ho, especially when we talk too.

I’m surprised they told you which girl it was to be honest- they shouldn’t have said that.

I agree but put the shoe on the other foot and your 5 year old child came home, upset that someone touched her bottom. I would hope you’d listen to her and take it seriously.

Look at 5 I doubt there was any malice behind what she done but she needs a little chat and an explanation that we don’t touch each other’s private areas because people don’t like that and it makes them sad. It’s not a big deal, and nothing a little chat won’t sort out

To be fair they initially remained confidential, but I just had a feeling and by the end it was confirmed which girl.

I absolutely would take my daughter very seriously tables turned, but equally I would have felt able to approach this other mum, and not feel the need to involve the school unnecessarily. That would be my fall back should heaven forbid it happen again. My daughter is an affectionate touchy feely huggy type and there would have been no malice whatsoever. As I say 5 years old!
Somewhat annoyingly this other girl, although super sweet, comes from a troubled background, where one older brother is in prison, one older brother has died and the other two much older siblings live at home. We found ourselves taking her under our wing, and now I really wish I hadn't!

Sorry now but that’s disgusting you bringing her family into it. I am 30 years old and I would be uncomfortable if someone touched my bum. Your child should not have done it and her parents acted in the way they saw best, non confrontational and through the proper channels. Your child was out of order and you are gross projecting your embarrassment and annoyance on another 5 year old child. Nobody asked you in interfere and take her under your wing no more than she asked your child to touch her ass

......and there is your true colours coming through, your switch up is what is gross here. Your vulgarity totally proves my point. I am not embarassed, far from it. Children at that age start to explore, and my daughter said very clearly at the time, sorry, and again with a teacher present. The mum clearly has issues, is landing her daughter with those same issues, and clearly you do too. Try to remember the innocence of a just 5 year old, and not see the picture through the eyes of a tainted 30 year old.

Hang on, in your initial post you state that you were mortified? I don’t know what your interpretation of the word “mortified” is but to me, I understand that to mean embarrassed. Your child made another little girl feel uncomfortable by touching her inappropriately and her parents followed procedure and spoke to the school. Your nose is out of joint now because your child needs to be spoken to, and you’re projecting this back on this little girls family and dead sibling, what the hell? You’re nasty. She’s 5 years old. None of that is her fault and none of that matters when it was your child that was wrong, not her.

Wtf do older siblings living at home and a dead brother have to do with anything? Are they signifiers of some sort?

I actually think that the troubled background could be relevant- maybe it explains why being touched on her bum would make her feel uncomfortable?

I'm just thinking that touching like this between two 5 year olds would be done in an innocent way and regarded as such. I can understand why you would be embarrassed and upset.

Just let your daughter know not to touch people in this way. It's a a shame when there's probably nothing behind it, I know.

Motified does not mean embarrassed (look it up). Mortified pertained to the inference of such an innocent act, being taken totally out of context. It saddened me that a dark spin had been put on it. I'll give you your dues Fabaunt (username says it all) you do like to interpret my posts in a more than skewed fashion. There is a slight irony in your second use of the word projection. As the last poster noted it was my mere attempt at giving some background info. I agree totally none of her fault, but this girls mum has foisted her daughter onto mine, right from reception, to such a degree that i was contemplating telling her to back off, but then my girl spoke to her sensibly, and I knew that (or thought at least) I didn't need to interfere. Stop the mud slinging you are a grown woman.
Thanks to the last poster for finally allowing a sensible approach to prevail.

The online dictionaries I just consulted all stated it meant embarrassed and ashamed. If Collins and Cambridge think that's what it means you can understand why others might.

Aside from having a sibling in prison the other bits of 'background' don't in themselves scream troubled, that's all.

Look, you clearly have very strong views on this. But it is easily handled tbh, you just tell your daughter to be careful of touching others, especially in the more private areas as it may make them feel uncomfortable. Given we are always pressing on about consent with children from a young age this shouldn't be a controversial idea.

It's not a controversial idea, it's just some people thrive on drama, and where's there's none to be found create it instead. I'll try to refrain from calling you a saddo for taking the time to look the word up. I prefer horrified, but that's just splitting hairs. The crux of the matter is there is a super strong drive on this issue at the moment, and rightfully so. It's just a shame it was utilised at the expense of my daughter, in the way that it was. It's a Roxanne Pallet on a watered down scale!

Well, you were wrong and were attempting to patronise another poster because they disagreed with you. I find that slightly amusing, so confirmed my belief online before responding... something which may have saved you in this instance.

As you say, it is a watered down scale. So really easy to deal with tbh.

I have no problem being wrong, far worse things to be, and there is disagreeing then downright rude.
I must say you have both been most obliging. I needed to vent, and I think to have confronted said mother might have been frowned upon, so thank you for serving your purpose. That is all.

Hahaha what does my username say? You said that you literally had taken this child under your wing and wish you hadn’t bothered now, and then you say that the child latched on to the point of you considering telling her to back off.

You also need to look up the meaning of the word mortify. It means embarrassed, ashamed.

It would be more in your line teaching your children not to manhandle their peers than attempt to give me a lesson in English.