ExH and Access - advice please!

[TheBestNamesAreTaken]

After a very acrimonious breakup, I was awarded interim full custody of my children on Monday. I was awarded an interim interdict a few weeks before that, after my STB exH took our children (4 & 6, eldest with non-verbal autism, on cancelled passports he’d stolen from my house) abroad without my permission.

To cut a long story short, he was violent, verbally and financially abusive throughout our marriage, and the split has been inevitably acrimonious, with him using the children to punish me. Additionally, he’s in a very unstable relationship with someone who he’s called the police to a number of times when their rows have escalated out of control.

So far, I’ve offered him access on the grounds that the children remain in our home town, that I’m contacted immediately in an emergency, particularly if our severely asthmatic child falls ill - he’s previously ‘hid’ her in a hospital not our local one and denied me access, because his GF was present and he was worried she would “kick off”. I’ve also set the condition that she is not to be around the children.

So far he’s refused these conditions, and therefore hasn’t seen the children. This weekend, his brother is visiting from 500miles away, and ‘they’ have requested access.

I’m reluctant, although I can’t put my finder on why I feel uneasy. I guess my question is, am I just panicking and should send the children, or do I have a good reason (albeit one I can’t quite articulate) to refuse this request? I’ve asked for agreement by email in advance of conditions being stuck to, which I’m yet to receive, but the children will certainly be going nowhere until I’ve received it.

Also, my 4 year old doesn’t want to go. I asked her bright and breezily and her response was “I don’t want to go, daddy won’t bring me back to you.”

*finger - fgs!

Also, I should mention that a court reporter is being assigned (we’re in Scotland) for a further hearing in January to reassess access. In court, rather than agreeing to a reasonable arrangement that secured he wellbeing of the children, he lied about his home circumstances and made a long list of false accusations about me and my suitability as a parent.

As written here, it sounds a no-brainer! His brother, who I’ve been close to until recently, has entirely changed his tone and I feel a bit railroaded - not sure if that’s clouding my opinion, however.

If he's still refusing the conditions and not coming up with suggestions for compromise then I'd refused. Doesn't sound like he can be trusted yet.

I would offer the brother to come around for "tea and cake" to see the DC your ex can f*ck off

Do you have a solicitor to offer advice .

I would be offering contact in a contact centre . Nothing else.

Thanks all. It doesn’t feel like a trustworthy situation, but as I can’t put into words why, I’m doubting myself. When I have a robust, explainable reason it seems so much simpler.

I do have a solicitor, he feels that whichever decision I make is justifiable, and that neither allowing contact or refusing it puts me at a disadvantage. I do have to think forwards though - if I allow contact under BIL’s supervision, what do I do in the period between now and the court’s decision in January, as BIL won’t be here to supervise, and there is no other mutual-but-neutral party who could.

I’ve not had written contact from the ex confirming that he’ll abide by my conditions anyway, so so far it’s moot.

For all the reasons you’ve said and also something worrying that I can’t quite put into words I wouldn’t agree it.
As suggested ask his brother to yours to see the kids; if he’s that bothered he will see them at yours even if it’s with bad grace

I would listen to your instincts and say no, unless, your ex finds and arranges a contact centre where they can see the children in a supported setting and you do not need to have any contact at handover or collection.
If he wants to see them that much I'm sure that won't be an issue.

Tbh sounds like your ex is not trustworthy.

He has proved this . It is not your job to finding solutions. He has put you through enough.

Contact me when you have time and date for contact.

You offered conditional contact he didn’t accept. Take it back to court , January. Show judge he doesn’t actually care about contact with kids

I think the only contact you can safely offer is at a contact centre.
That or nothing.
He is not going to play fair. You need to keep control.