What does your day look like with a preschooler?

[graysor]

Dd is 2.11. I also have ds 10 weeks. Dd has the attention span of a gnat, and I really struggle to fill the day with her.

Yesterday looked like this:
Up at 6, tv on so I can feed ds.
Tv and general pottering around getting breakfast and dressed etc. Dd does a bit of pretend play with her dolls and teddies, which I am required to actively participate in.
9 go to a gym session. Dd runs, climbs, bounces etc for 2 hours.
11.30 home. Tv on again so I can feed ds and prep lunch.
After lunch we do painting, drawing, game of dominoes, more pretend play, reading, scooting outside and more tv as I’m all out of ideas and energy.

Other than scooting all those activities lasted 5 mins max before dd wanders off.

Mornings are ok as we tend to go out for an activity but the afternoons are soooo long. Especially when any suggestion is met with a resounding no or lasts only 5 mins.

How do you fill your days?

Does she still nap OP?

I would be pushing her to nap after lunch! I know it's really hard but can you try and encourage her to play by herself - even set a timer for ten mins, can gradually increase the time - while you do something like wash up. This is what I used to do, firmly say (over and over again!), I'll play with you once I've got XYZ done. I think at that age we'd do breakfast around 7.30-8 (if he woke up at 6.30 he'd have to stay in bed/cot till we came to get him, used to give him milk and books and leave him to it, once we were showered and ready we got him up). So be hanging out in the kitchen, I'd clean up after breakfast, then we'd play and head out by 9.30-10 to an activity/park/library. Back around 12.30 for lunch, then he'd nap, then as you say arts/baking/more playing. Can she do her 15 hrs at nursery once she is 3?

She hasn’t napped at all since she was about 2.3, so no chance of that now.

She is starting 3 mornings at nursery in January which I’m very much looking forward to!

I will try the timer to try and get her to do something by herself. That’s a good plan.

My 3 year old DS does quiet time. So it’s basically nap time as far as I’m concerned. An hour playing in his bedroom by himself. Saves my sanity

We go out in the mornings after the school run (play group, a friends, shops) , get back and have lunch then it's quiet time. He watches tv/plays with his toys etc. The baby usually naps and I chill before collecting the eldest from school and the madness begins.

Caterina - how do you get him to stay in his room for an hour? my dd won’t do anything for an hour, and certainly wouldn’t stay put by herself!

I have a 3.5 year old at home still, although she does a couple of mornings at preschool. My eldest is almost 5, so I had a good while with 2 very small people to amuse.

Mine both ditched naps early, so I was very firm on 'quiet time' in their rooms. A stairgate on the door is a valid option, unless it'll just provide a climbing frame. You have to do a bit of training and not cave to the whinging, sort of like sleep training.

I still give them a to do list; readone book, dress your dolly and build a tower with Lego. And I went through a phase of 'busy bags'; Pinterest was good for ideas.

An hour of CBeebies is also wholly acceptable (although some Mumsnetters will slate that suggestion 😂)

graysor I think quiet time certainly depends on the child.. I was lucky, able to train my DD up from 10mins to 30mins to 40mins once she started dropping nap time. We had a box of toys just for rest time, with stickers, easy jigsaw, crayons, plastic tea set etc and encouraged play, and then let her have 30mins on her kindle fire (child settings so couldn't access anything untoward), on games and apps on there, or cbeebies. She is nearly 5 now, started school and still needs that rest time at weekends if possible as it contains her for a bit.. sometimes she just lies in her bed cuddling her bunny if she's very tired. But I am aware it's probably just luck of the child. DC2 due in 2 weeks so give me a couple of years and I'll let you know!

We tend to have tv time after lunch as quiet ish time. As that’s the only thing that keeps dd vaguely quiet and calm. Although she spends most of the time she’s watching running backwards and forwards from tv to sofa, climbing on the sofa, fidgeting etc.

Maybe I’ve missed a trick by not implementing quiet time in her room before now. But I don’t think it would be good to try and start now, as dd is already feeling v sensitive and is super clingy around me since the arrival of ds. It would feel like a rejection/ punishment to send her away.

Is there anyone else out there who has a non napping/ non quiet time compliant pre schooler / toddler? Or is it just me?

I feel like I’m really letting dd down as she doesn’t want to do anything I suggest and is clearly getting bored. And I’m feeling guilty about basically ignoring ds all day while I try and play with and entertain dd.

What consequences are in place when she doesn't do as she's told?

Ime, when parents say that their DCs 'wont' do something, it usually means that (sorry to say) they're not being parented effectively.

All toddlers are non compliant, some parents just assert boundaries more effectively than others.

If she won't stay in her room when she's been told to do so, put a Consequence in place.

Firmer boundaries needed here OP!

My middle child was (is - he's 4.5) very non- compliant and stopped napping at 2.

I think your biggest issue is all the entertaining - she's bored because she's relying on you to amuse her and isn't used to just playing. Are her toys all accessible to her?

Do some baking or something with her while the baby is asleep but other than that let her play by herself.

It’s not easy OP. I remember once writing a list of all my ds’s toys out so when he whined what could he do I showed him and said choose from XYZ. From when he stopped napping at 3.5 he’s had quite time in his room for 1-2 hrs, he’s on the iPad though watching the CBeebies app or something on Netflix. It’s only at the weekend as he’s at nursery everyday now so I don’t see it as too bad as he doesn’t have TV during the week. I think you can train your daughter a little bit eg first week 5 mins play by herself with a task (can you make mummy a beautiful tower for rapunzel out of duplo etc) then gradually extend, lots of praise. My son loves making a den with me , big sheet over the kitchen table etc. I put cushions books inside and so on, that keeps him quiet! Attention span does increase rapidly as they get older so it will improve!

Well that’s me told. I’m obviously not enforcing boundaries strongly enough.

All her toys are accessible to her at all times. I periodically offer her a choice of 2 or 3 things to do, either with me or by herself. She always says no to all of them.

She does like to bake so we often do that.

So what are some good tasks and activities I can get her to do independently for 5 mins,as a starting point to build up from?

Build a duplo tower
Put the dolls to bed
Other suggestions?

cut out the telly. it wrecks their concentration and attention span.

We watch a little bit of kids telly these days but only when they are sitting still on the sofa for it.

And yes expect her to play by herself more too. you have to teach her these skills.

Tea party for her dolls/cuddly animals ?
Cook something in her play kitchen
Play doh
Train track
With duplo it can be anything I guess, I used to make a tower with a bit sticking out which was a diving board, he used to love making his little figures jump off the board and hit the ground!
Is there anything you can set up and she play with independently? Like marble run?
There’s a book called simplicity parenting you may find interesting.
Good luck!

We used to be really disciplined about the tv, but have been relying on it too much since ds arrived 10 weeks ago. I do need to cut it back.

Tea party is another good idea.
She’s getting a marble run for her birthday in a few weeks.

Marble run is great, you’ll have to set it up for her but then hopefully she’ll play with it alone. My son counts the marbles down etc we just have to be careful to keep on top of the marbles as the crawling baby would love them!

Id say the quiet time is definitely part luck as DS dropped his nap slowly so he was allowed to play in his room and not neccesarily sleep, but part just making it routine and being very strict about it. DS is not a very “compliant” child and will definitely take a mile if he’s given an inch so he knows it’s non negotiable. Start out with a shorter time and work up to it. Also at the start I did rewards like a sweet for staying in nicely until the gro clock came on. I usually have to tell him in advance what activity we will be doing in the afternoon (often it’s watching the tv or something random as I don’t want to comit to anything that I can’t follow through on). Also of course he has bad days where he tantrums etc, but overall on weekdays he is normally good.

I feel you OP, it’s hard with 2. My DD just turned 1 and I’m starting to come out of the fog a bit now that’s she’s sleeping through. I really needed that nap/quiet time just to get some mental space

Um, can’t believe no one has said yet your ds is only 10 weeks! Cut yourself some serious slack. That’s a really tough time. I was there 6 months ago. Things didn’t get easier for me until my older one started nursery. 3 mornings a week? That will be a game changer for you!! It will tire her out, give her new experiences/ways of playing. At the moment she’s bound to be feeling more clingy with you coz she’s coping with a new family member on the scene. Meantime, do you ever ask her what she wants to play? Children are meant to focus longer on something when they’ve picked it themselves. I find with my DD she normally picks something involving tunnels and cushions and we all end up tumbling about on the floor. Doesn’t exactly give you a break but does get rid of the ‘we don’t seem to be doing much’ guilt and promise when she starts nursery in Jan things will get easier.

Goodness KCpip I totally agree with you. I think you are doing amazing with a tiny baby to be doing any pretend play. I was there 7 months ago and no way would dd have had quiet time in her room when I was downstairs with baby. I walked the roads to pass the day.
She will be exhausted after nursery will make life easier.

My DD has a short attention span and requires my input with most things but does like crafts and playdough, if I set up some paint, paper and glitter glue at the kitchen table I can get some jobs done in the kitchen and put DS 1 in a travel cot filled with toys. I also bought a pot of slime and get that out during desperate times, keep it to the kitchen though as vile if it gets in carpets 😜

*cut out the telly. it wrecks their concentration and attention span.

We watch a little bit of kids telly these days but only when they are sitting still on the sofa for it.

And yes expect her to play by herself more too. you have to teach her these skills.*

Oh sod off, the op has a ten week old! Op sometimes you have to do what gets you through these early months and a bit of extra tv is NOT going to hurt. Two year olds are demanding and independent play takes time for some of them, my dd is extremely sociable and has only just started enjoying playing on her own recently (she's just turned three).

Definitely recommend getting cushions off sofa etc and having a dance around/ jump etc, it's sounds tiring but I actually found that easier than playing tedious "pretend" games. Making jelly is quite a good easy and not too messy "cooking" activity.
Pots and pans out of the cupboard and play with Cheerios/ pasta shapes etc, keep it in the kitchen and whizz round the hoover afterwards.
Play treasure hunt where you hide something and she has to find it.
Make a den, kids love a den!

But really, be kind to yourself, this is a transitional period for both of you and some extra screen time is fine while you adjust to life with two children!

Thanks for the responses people. And thanks to those reassuring me that the way things are at the moment isn’t the end of the world, and isn’t going to be forever. I’ll admit I’m definitely struggling juggling the two of them at the moment.

I do ask her what she wants to do sometimes. Usually she says nothing, or watch tv, so not super helpful!

We have a pop up tunnel and tent that I get out particularly if we haven’t been outside much, and I’ve tried making an obstacle course for her with cushions etc. But again she’ll only do this once or twice before losing interest.

I wish she liked craft! I would happily do this with her or set it up, but she’s just not interested no matter how I pitch it.

She loves a treasure hunt. Dh often does this with her at the weekend, he’ll draw her a map and they hunt together. I could try this and send her off to hunt by herself.

Thanks for all the suggestions, I’m taking it all on board. I’m trying to have a mental list of a couple of different things to try each day. And we’re going to try the timer strategy this week.

I dont' have the complication of a newborn but my DS sounds similar to your DD Graysor.

Added issue for me is that DS is literally into EVERYTHING except toys. So if I left him to his own devices he would re-wire the entire house (probably electrocuting himself/wrecking our TV in the process). I find getting out of the house as much as possible is the best for us but then I don't have a tiny baby to consider....

The quiet time in room instead of nap sounds interesting Caterina. Our DS doesn't nap at home now (unless unwell) but still does the odd nap at nursery so we might just be in time to try and turn nap time into quiet time....

My dS is a bit like your DD OP, though he’s a smidge younger-only turned 2 in september. He will rarely play by himself despite having a lovely playroom with all manner of toys. For example he won’t play with his kitchen unless I join in suggesting what to “cook” and “eating” the food and with things like playdough I have to direct his activities otherwise he’ll just squash it all in the floor and move on. But that’s 100%normal for that age I think. I have had a bit more success with a sort of helter skelter car ramp, if I start him off on that he will spend a fairly sustained period sending cars down it, whereas he’s not a natural at imaginative play. Does she have cars and ramps and things, for more dynamic style indoor play rather than imaginative?

I really do get what you mean about needing to fill the day. The anti-TV brigade will hate on me for this, but I have found two programmes that reallly work to keep DS occupied because they involve singing and following actions- Milkshake Music Box (Nursery rhymes) and Milkshake BopBox (dance routines for toddlers). The presenters are brilliant and I genuinely think both have helped with his co-ordination and language. I do try to watch along with him rather than just leaving him in a room with the TV though. To me that sort of TV is totally different to Paw Patrol narrative type stuff. We also go to the park a lot, and of course I do the thing of letting him “help” me with cooking/cleaning/washing. But i don’t have the complication of a baby in tow. The only consolation is that by the time your DS is the same age your DD will be able to help keep him amused!