Pre-Teens and make-up

[Praguemum]

My DD of 9 hates her fair lashes and brows. She keeps sneaking off with my mascara and trying to take it to school. I have always reinforced the message that beauty comes from within and that young girls don't need make-up because they are naturally lovely, but I do feel like a hypocrite when she sees me applying make-up every day. The easy solution would be to tint her lashes but I feel she is too young for this. How do you deal with the 'you are beautiful as you are, but I slap make-up on myself' dichotomy?

Never mind 9, I was having this conversation with my 3yo today!

'Mummy I need make up on my eyes to make me beautiful'

'But you are already beautiful!'

'No I'm not! I need gold, sparkly makeup'

And so it begins... sorry no advice (and I hardly wear makeup)🤷‍♀️

No advice but I struggle with this too.

Let mine play with 'child' make up when little (3yo) silly nail varnish, that never dries! And gawdy lipstick...
I secretly thought....I look awesome

Now at college and university age, they don't bother so much, but can do awesome make up when they want.
Were never allowed until 13 when I bought high end quality items as birthday gift

I hate makeup and never wear it. My daughter has been covered with strange eye makeup for 3 years now. She spends a lot of time, money , and effort in uglifying herself (a difficult job as she is naturally beautiful).

I think she is partly reacting to me, and partly copying her generation. I used to be upset by it, but have come to terms with the situation now, though I am pathetically grateful to see her beautiful face on the rare days she doesn't wear a mask.

Just wanted to say that setting an example of loving my natural face has not worked for me.

Social media is stronger, unless your DD is in a school that sets a strong example of inner strength and individuality to not 'follow the crowd'
I think normality does resume to a agree. I've seen mine go through that phase and mainly don't wear makeup. Just for a social occasion, and sometimes not then

But...expensive, much!!!! Oh my!!

I think it's the crowd. If the school has a make up free policy, and a good healthy culture of their own, that makes DCs realise there are choices, and noones going to die!!!

The school is rural and it doesn't allow make-up. She isn't on social media, so I wonder where she gets the idea that make-up is better (go
d, it must be me!). I was brought up to 'take pride in my appearance', but did a lot of dance, which required stage make-up so maybe that's why I didn't really start to wear it socially until I was older. Do you think 9 is too young to tint her lashes if I do it at home? Am I subscribing to patriarchal norms? I just want her to be happy.

I am shook by this!
What are her friends doing then? She's not got access to any social media??? How come not?
She doesn't have a phone or a computer? Or tablet?

She's 9! ..and her friends will have access, but how come she doesnt?

I would only ever take mine to a pro to do something as iffy as that at home on someone so young.
But, this is not going to destroy her life, waiting a few years for all this kind of stuff. If it is then she must have some kind of half life is all I can think!

it will be impossible to convince her that "it's great to be natural" when you are slapping on the makeup every day . Hypocritical much !

Get her some waterproof mascara which won't rub off at school. Show her how to use it properly. No point having some kind of timeline where it's not OK now but it will be OK in a few years.

Timeline thing, yes definitely have time line. Children look sexualised with makeup on, so for me it was a benchmark at 13 to be old enough to start trying out make up, subtly.

I would get them done professionally and then they can be forgotten about for a while. I took DD to get her eybrows shaped properly when she was 11 because she was developing a strong mono brow. She has inherited dark thick hairs with tan skin, so it was becoming very noticible. Quick wax job that lasted 8 weeks and it meant that she could see the difference herself. My friend couldn't understand why I would let her but she's very fair so it's not an issue for her. She might just like the definition if she's very fair.

I’m torn by this. Yes she’s very young, but on the other hand if it’s really upsetting her then perhaps it wouldn’t be so awful to do something about it.

I had very hairy legs as a child and was teased all the time at school. I constantly asked my mum if I could get the hair removed but she wouldn’t let me until I turned 12! I’d never let my DD suffer feeling so self conscious for so long.

Are you insane? Don’t tint her eyelashes, especially at home. She’s a young child. She wouldn’t be insured to have it done professionally til she was 16 and that’s not something I’d be messing around with, when you’re not a professional. Get her a brown mascara and let her do it herself

I have a 9 year old and can see this coming. I think I will go down the clear mascara and lip gloss (like juicy tube) for practising on at home/parties route.

She is not going to be harmed from not wearing makeup. It's better not tonpander to it.
I like the idea of the lip gloss and clear mascars, but for parties and special occasions. She will feel more grown up without looking like a sexualised child. It will give a natural look

Wrt to the leg hair, I know similar, and yes, can be very attention grabbing and draw cruel remarks. Sorry, I understand why you wouldn't want her to suffer similar, but is she actually? About her eye lashes? I think feed that back to school.

I guess I will make her wait until intermediate which is age 11. That's when I said she could have her ears pierced. I agree about the body hair thing being tricky - I was teased mercilessly at school as I am fair but hairy. She hasn't asked about that yet, thank goodness.
Re.social media. We live in New Zealand and it is perfectly normal for kids not to be on it at 9. We have a couple of tablets which they use for games but none of their peers have phones until they go to intermediate. That's why we came here, because I wanted my kids to have the chance to be kids. I work in a senior school and see what goes on on social media. I will keep mine away from it for as long as I can.

That's a cool update! Amazing that no social media there...wow! Its a bloody liability and mind-altering for youngsters. Please share! You work in a snr school in NZ? You see it there, did you see it here for younger then?

If you could wave a wand what would it change? @Praguemum

Re the hairy blond; recently a DC friend, who's a hairy blond, had a same-age lad say to her, eeuuww your knees are hairy?!?! She said yes, thats how I am, look I have hairy legs too, he replied, you do know boys aren't really into hairy don't you?... She replied, oh well, I can go without boys like that then!!!

That whole convo, on so many levels, so much undercurrent, who do these lads think they are then? I am so sad for the young girls today. I really hoped that things would have changed all this time, but not. I suspect she is the rare one to have a) not succumbed to all this 'grooming for the boyz' and b) to have spoken out like that.

I have a natural face 99% of the time and when i do wear makeup its very simple and subtle. Doesnt stop 6yp DD being UTTERLY OBSESSED with it tho.

I actually think its pretty harmless. She can look how she wants.