Annoyed at DS being told off, AIBU?

[Wingingit247]

DS and DD were recently being looked after by MIL and her partner for the weekend, which obviously I was very grateful for. I adore my MIL, she is like a second mum to me and I 100% trust her to discipline the kids however she wants. However, I don't know her partner very well, and neither me or DH are particularly keen on him. I got a phone call from DS (12) VERY upset, said MIL's partner had called him a bully, which he absolutely isn't, during a minor altercation between him and DD.

AIBU to say anything to MIL or should I just keep quiet? DS spent most of the next day in his room crying apparently, and I was left feeling pretty upset myself and wishing I hadn't gone away!

Surely if you don't know him or aren't keen on him you wouldn't leave your children with him?

You would not be U to have a quiet word with MIL. It's not the bf's place to discipline the kids, especially if he's fairly new on the scene and no one knows him very well anyway. If you don't speak to mil about it, it'll happen again or the DC will refuse to visit her.

Why are you leaving your kids in the care of someone you don’t want to discipline your child?

Sorry but if you leave your children in his AND your Mil home, your child acts up, then what do you expect? If your child was bullying, then shouldn’t you expect that behaviour to be addressed at the time it happened? By all means ring your MIL to find out what happened but you’re BU to think your child staying in this man’s home, that he shouldn’t say something about poor behaviour.

Sorry, just for context, MIL and her partner don't live together, she was coming for the weekend and staying in our house, I didn't even know her partner was coming until a couple of days beforehand. He isn't hands on at all normally, just sits on the sofa not really speaking and waiting for people to bring him cups of tea and feed him. No harm in him but not exactly part of the family either!

As for DS, he is very far from being a bully, and of course I'd want to address it if he showed any tendencies in that direction. I was bullied badly at school and the one thing I have always instilled in my kids is kindness and compassion. The disagreement with his sister is an ongoing and minor one involving her fibbing about something she did and blaming him for it. Not even sure why it came up again!

Presumably your MIL was aware of the situation since he spent most of the next day crying in his room. What action did she take?

Wing- does BF have kids or grandchildren of his own? Just wondering if he mistook joshing for something a bit meaner from DS.

MIL just left him to it really, made sure he was fed etc.

BF has grown up kids but no grandchildren.

I may be more sensitive as DS is my eldest from a previous relationship and I worry that sometimes he isn't always treated the same as he isn't a blood relative and that DD always gets treated like a princess 😬

I'm sorry but all adults have the right to gentle displine children. Saying that isn't very nice as your being a bit of a bully for example is surely normal and appropriate. Maybe find out what actually happened as often children change the story