11 Year old at home by his self for 3 hours.

[magiceyes78]

Hello, just wondering if there's any guidelines as to the age that a child can make his own way home from school & let himself in the house & stay there until his / her parent comes home from work? Basically my 11-year-old son is having problems getting home from school to his mum’s. His mum & I are separated & I moving next week to a house 500 meters from his school. Would it be an issue if her made his way round to my house & let himself in & waited for me until I got home. He would be alone for around 3 hours.

I don't think there is a law that states an age that a child can be left alone.
But you have to think are they responsible enough to do it? If anything happens you are still responsible for them.
In my house I could have left my eldest when she was 11 for that length of time she was very sensible.
but not a chance of my middle child who is so much more immature.

I think that would be fine. 11 years old is old enough to be sensible. Might be worth going over rules e.g. no friends over, no answering the door and he knows how to contact you in an emergency. Might be worth hiding a spare key in the garden (in one of those fake rock ornaments you can buy) just in case he loses his key!

I wouldn’t dream of doing this but it’s the done thing on MN.

It’s the parents call but parent still remains legally responsible for the child’s welfare during the time spent alone the child is not legally responsible for their own.

As PP says above, it’s very dependent on the maturity of the child and also how they feel about it.

Mine has a couple of times now but the school bus delivers him nearly to the door and there are lots of other children around him. Also we live in a small village where every one looks out for each other, so as well as his maturity it would depend on the road and network of people about too.

I find a door key on a carabiner good then you can clip it into a sensible place in his bag in the morning and not worry about it going missing.

My dd is 11 and won't stay home alone.

Mine let's herself in and is on her for 1.5hrs. She does her homework.

She has keys for the back gate and back door and let's herself in that way. The front door is double locked so she couldn't open it to strangers even if she was tempted.

We've gradually worked up to that, starting off with short solo periods.

Three hours feels like a long time for me, but you know your child best.

If you can break the week up with after school clubs or friends - that might be a bit better

But usually they are ok

Is he last year of primary school or first year of secondary?

We started DD being allowed to leave school at the same time as me, but walking home while I drove, (7 minutes walk, no roads to cross except 2 cul de sacs in the estate), to letting her leave to get home within 10 minutes of me, to going home after her activities in school at 4pm. This started when she was 10 (Y5 equivalent) and by 11, she needed to (for bullying in the afterschool club) go home herself twice a week at 4. In Y6, she was going home every day between 3pm and 4pm (depending on the afterschool activity).

We taught her to use the keys.

We had rules about no one else in.

She HAD to do her homework.

She had a phone and needed to check in with us.

And we also made sure she could get a snack - she was already doing pot noodles using a flask of hot water at summer camps, so made sure she could boil a kettle safely, she was already using the oven for baking so improved that so she could do it safely alone, and made sure there were cold things or easy to make things there. (She didn't use the gas rings alone until nearly the end of Y6, but was very happy to use the electric oven from early Y5).

We ran through what to do if things went wrong, who to go to, and when it was a good time to go to them. There were lists of emergency contacts on the wall - neighbours, extended family, the GP and other useful people etc. And we talked to the neighbours as well, so they knew she would be around.

Can you take some time to ease him into it? Work from home for afternoons for a week or so? Get home early and do another hour later for a couple of more weeks after that? As it is a long time at that age to suddenly be alone and responsible.

You probably also need to tell school in writing that your DS has permission to walk home alone (not necessarily that he will be alone - don't lie but don't add unnecessary details). And if school asks, again, don't lie, but say that he will be alone but you have all talked about it and he knows what to do, you've put in place the necessary measures to protect him, and as parents, you are taking that responsibility.

He's in the 1st year of high school

My dad is going to be there 99% of the time for a couple of months it's just the 1% and when my dad moves out. Plus it wouldn't be every day may be 2 or 3

I did similar when I was that age. Some watch out points (maybe, depending on the child…)

1. What will the do about food? I'd leave them some cold prepared snacks or a cold meal. Or give them money for fish and chips, maybe? I'd be worried about letting them use an oven, or being tempted to try and cook.

1. I used to get a bit nervous around the 2hour-ish mark. 3 hours is a long time. Could you sort out a film (netflix etc) for them to watch to help the time to pass?

1. Consider what might go wrong, and make rules accordingly. Eg. I flooded the house by trying to run a bath and forgetting about it when I was about 11 and left home alone! So if I was to parent my past self, I'd ban running a bath! Or boiling pasta, or anything that needs to be closely watched.

1. Make sure they know what to do in case of fire / break in etc. It will give them confidence if nothing else

That's what most kids do once they get to secondary. Mine tends to doss around watching YouTube. He's supposed to do his homework but I guess I shouldn't expect miracles.

I can't see a problem with this. Like you've said it's not all the time and if you think they are old enough and responsible enough then great.

It's fine, loads of 11 year olds do this at secondary, too old for childcare. Teaches independence

Sounds fine to me. What does his mother think?

His mum sounds ok about it. In fact it should stop her worrying about him having difficulty getting home on an evening.

He's first year in secondary is imagine a lot of kids do this.

3 hours is quite a long time, does he have a phone so he can text you to say he is home. We are in the same situation, they are fine as long as nothing out of the ordinary happens; like electricity trips and lights go out (we have a rechargeable torch in the hall), fire/house alarm goes off even for no reason, someone banging on the front door. Kids will sometimes start to make food and then get engrossed in gaming and forget the food in the oven/hob etc. Have you befriended the neighbours so he has someone to go to in an emergency. Emergency numbers are a good idea. Also first aid, in case he dropped/smashed a glass on the floor etc.

My dad is going to be there 99% of the time for a couple of months it's just the 1% and when my dad moves out. Plus it wouldn't be every day may be 2 or 3

Well that is completely different from the impression you gave in your OP.

I'd have no issue at all with an 11 yr old doing this occasionally. I think it would be too much for most 11 yr olds to have to cope with to do it every day, week in and week out.

Mine has let himself in after school and been on his own for around two hours as a one off. He had a phone and checked in when he got home and when his dad collected him.

I wouldn't make it a regular thing, even though I'm certain I was alone longer back in the 80s.

He is a bit of a dreamy bugger though.

Depends on the child and if they feel confident doing it also.

No problem at all, quite normal for secondary school kids.