Life with twins...

[LipstickTraces]

Is so bloody hard...

They are 12 weeks (6 corrected) spent first five weeks in NICU.

I love them more than life itself, but my God it is hard! Twin two has bad reflux and cries 70% of the time. He just wants to be held constantly! It’s awful seeing him in so much pain. He’s also on an expressed milk with fortifier feeding regime from hospital due to restricted growth (he was 3lb born and is still just over 7lb now) So I’m ebf twin one and then expressing for twin two. It’s exhausting.

My house is a shit tip. I can’t remember the last time I ate a proper meal apart from dinner at my parents on Sunday. I’ve not even managed to get out of the door with them today. Please tell me it gets better!

I Remember it well. Mine are 4 now but the early days are so totally exhausting. People used to say to me “sleep when they sleep” or “don’t worry about the mess”. It used to drive me crazy. You just need to do what you can manage. You’ll start getting into a routine soon and it will get easier to get out. I used to try and get out for at least an hour a day for my sanity even if it was for a drive. I found the first 3 months tough but it slowly got easier. I’m sure you are doing an amazing job.

Oh God. I’m not sure which of those two choice phrases most make me want to stab the person saying them! Actually I think don’t worry about the mess just pips it. I’d love to not worry and watch the cockroaches move in, but funnily I can’t.

I definitely feel better when I get out. Although we live in middle of nowhere with no car, and getting on the bus feels like too Herculean a task sometimes. I want to go to my local twins club but it starts at 10am. Seriously, who are these super women who can get themselves and two babies out of the house for 10am?

The early months of twins I describe as grim and I am not the only twin mum I have met that use similar words. It is exhausting and relentless in the early months.
For me I was able to afford some cleaners, I couldn't clean the house. I ate ready meals, I couldn't cook much. I had supermarket delivery.
At 11 weeks I started a gentle routine and it got gradually better.
10 years on the they are mostly great. Cling on in there.

Oh for a cleaner @plaidlife. Just someone to come round and tackle my Everest esque laundry pile would do.

I am the queen of the ready meal these days and the cheese slice, the flap jack and the tub of supermarket pasta. I wish the people who want to come round and hold my babies would bring a hot meal with them!

Can I ask what your routine was please? So far mont consists of “ try to get them to sleep before midnight” No easy task with a reflux baby!

It’s tough. I’ve found it really does get easier. The hard parts change, but generally they are easier than the prior hard part.
Getting out the house is necessary. I walked for naps until 6 months. After that I got them in the cot (major major routine fan) and I would have a 2 hour break every lunch time and I could not have lived without it (still couldn’t). But I realise I was lucky because one of mine was just one of these babies who would go to sleep when put in the cot so I only had one tricky to get down baby to deal with.

Mine are just 2 and It has been a slog but now my mum friends are starting having baby 2 and for first time they have it harder than me!

This may be controversial but I always thought there’s someone in a more difficult situation than me. So when I found things really tricky I’d imagine a person with 2 babies in a harder scenario - so in a really poor country etc. It sounds weird writing it down but that’s what really helped me.

It gets easier
When they start sleeping through💖

I had pnd and barely left the house until mine were almost a year old. Then i set myself a schedule of three groups/walks to attend a week👍much better

Although mine are almost 3 and fight more now😑

My tip for anyone with twins is to take all the help you can get. I don't really mean from other people though but with time savers and stuff. Make good use of dummies to soothe one while you deal with the other. Have good places to 'put' one like decent rockers, play mats, Bumbo seats etc. (Get second hand as loads cheaper). Bottle feeding and using ready made cartons of it on tough days. Decent mobiles with music to keep one quiet in the cot while you are with the other.
I agree with you that getting out each day is a must but I don't think I managed a twins club until 6 months! Although we did park up outside once at about 2 months only to discover the bottles had leaked everywhere and I nothing to feed them! I cried all the way home!
Its tough. Very tough. So be kind to yourself .

By 7 months we had found our routine I had the baby led approach and it took the pressure off. I don't think I got dressed for the first 6 weeks when I had my first. Find out what works for you and for them

OP I'm not sure the routine matters, I had a baby whisperer/ Gina Ford twin mixture. First feed by 7am, then active, feed, nap in a loop. But I have several more twin mums who had a much more baby led routine that worked for them. I decided it is about you, super chilled then baby led should work for you, more of a control freak then more set times may work better for you. Super chilled babies, probably most things work. Rather fussy ones, you are going to have to work harder. I don't think there is a one size fits all approach that works.

@TheWeasleytwins Funny you should mention sleeping through. My girl twin slept from 10.30pm until 7pm last night! I considered waking her as normal when boy twin woke to be fed, but she looked so peaceful I just left her I feel strangely better hearing you barely went out for a year (although sorry to hear about your PND) I feel like I should be going all over, but in reality it never happens. I have been going to a baby massage group on Thursdays which is fun.

@Plastictattoo I don’t know what I would do without my bouncers. They are a lifesaver! Sorry to hear about your bottle disaster. I had similar with a bottle of expressed milk a few weeks ago. You definitely can cry over spilt milk!

@littlebillie I’m trying to get a baby led routine going, but they are very random so far. Wide awake some days and fast asleep others. They aren’t early risers though, which I’m profoundly grateful for as neither am I!

@Plaidlife I bought the Gina Ford twins book but I think I’d have a breakdown trying to follow it. I couldn’t get past be up and feeding first twin no later than 6.45am!!!

I attempted Gina Ford for twins. If I was within an hour either side of her timings, I counted it as a win! I remember getting some good advice from it but decided very early to add an 'ish' on the end of all her times!

Ish in general is good advice for twin parenting. It's like whack a mole, one bit gets sorted and issues pop up elsewhere.

I have twins in the family, lots of twins. When I was pregnant with my first I knew it was a possibly & thought great! I only had 1 baby... & it’s bloody hard, when I got pregnant with my second I thought PLEASE GOD don’t be twins I won’t cope! It’s 1 again... honestly the new born days with 1 were tough with 2? My hat comes off for every twin mum! Not much help OP, but bloody well done!

OP you "shouldn't" go out if you don't want to but if you do?

You do it by just doing it!

I had to get baby twins plus DD 3yo out to her preschool from when the DTs were about 8 weeks old to 6mos for 9.30am. Now I am back at work, 3 days a week I get now-9-mo twins plus DD nearly 4 to preschool nursery for 8.15am. I have no help to do this as parents very kindly help with bedtime instead.

So....
I have a going out bag with nappies wipes spare clothes etc etc always ready and by door.
Night before, I make sure buggy is parked up by door with DTs' wraps plus DD1 coat nearby
Make sure their nursery bags are ready and in buggy basket
Lay their and my clothes out
Get up at 6 no matter what kind of hellish shitty night I have had.
V fast shower whilst they sleep, get DTs up then whether they like it or not, milk and dressed. You will become quick at dressing them and they get a LOT faster at feeding by about 3 mos.
Get DD1 up and jolly her along thru dressing.
Carry each child downstairs - stick in buggy - walk out door

Do they sometimes scream? Yep. But the buggy plus dummy soon lulls them and also the more you do a routine like that, the easier it gets as they know what to expect.

Hope that is helpful not smug. Sometimes it is just helpful to hear what someone else does. But really just do what feels right rather than worry about shoulds.

Good luck!

Oh and it is tough when bfing. I fed both till 6mos and it does take frickin forever, plus the endless winding, reflux etc. I only feed at night now and bottles on a morning which is soooo much faster.

Dummies help. And time. And a fuck tonne of coffee.

You'll be grand.

Oh op I know it's relentless! My twins are 2 now and going through a stage of being very opinionated.

The early days were exhausting and I honestly felt I could die from sleep deprivation ( sorry but that was the truth) I didn't though, and I've made it through 2 years now.

You will get into some sort of routine and things will get easier.

I remember getting so frustrated being glued to the sofa with two babies literally sucking the life out of me and just sat crying, looking at the mess being made and no one cleaning anything up.

I would dread night times as I would be awake with two crying babies changing and feeding them in the darkness feeling very alone.

Writing this upsets me as I realise I spent most of the early days just stressing about the mess and chores that needed doing and not taking in the fact I had 2 amazing babies

I'm not saying I would ever want to go back to those days as it is HARD! But I would urge anyone in that situation now to just take a breath and not worry about all the stuff that can be sorted later on. I know that's much easier said than done, but I think one day you will think the same.

Hang in there it will get better