Disciplining a 16 month old ?

[needshelp96]

Hi everyone, I don't really know how to put this thread without it coming off badly so no judgment please.I'm 20, just started university in September and just found out I'm pregnant and my workload is increasing. I have a 16 month old who is becoming increasingly difficult which I expected and I know that it's all part of parenthood but I'm really struggling with her.

She kicks off screaming and kicking whenever her bum needs changing, wriggling and twisting herself so I'm forced to wrestle, again I know it's normal but so bloody draining when it's every few hours. She literally acts as though she can't hear me when I call her name and when I use simple instructions like no, which I know she knows means don't do that she completely ignores me as if I've not even spoken again I know it's normal but obviously draining.

In public she's hard work, she won't go on reigns, but hates being in her pram, but also won't allow you to hold her wrist or hand, if you try and carry her she throws herself backwards like she's about to break her back, then if you put her down to walk she'll go into complete meltdown mode on the floor as if she wanted to be carried which is becoming again very draining as it's pretty much every time we go out.

Recently she's a nightmare at bedtimes too, she used to be fantastic when sleeping but these days she's up 4/5 times a night, sometimes just awake, sometimes she's screaming, she has a proper toddler bed as she's quite advanced (been walking and talking since 8 months) which she can get out of herself so she often comes into my room and I'm exhausted keep getting up and putting her back into her bed especially with the fatigue from my pregnancy.

When I'm not at uni she spends her days with my partner they go swimming, to the park, they go out shopping, when I'm home and he's working we have a good routine, we get up, have breakfast, go out, she has a nap, we play, she has her tea, bath, book and bed, we go to a mum and toddler playgroup every Wednesday so she gets to interact with children as we can't afford childcare for her yet.

I'm really struggling to discipline her, I don't really know how too, I don't want to shout at her, she's too young for time out and my mother in law suggested smacking her hand but I don't want to introduce this at all as I don't like the idea, I literally don't know what to do with her, most of the time she's a lovely little girl but sometimes she's so awful it makes me want to cry and I just don't know how to deal with it, has any one got any tips of how to discipline her ? She's growing into bad habits and if I can stop them now or at least limit them I would be grateful.

Thankyou to anyone who actually read this thread lol xx

You can't discipline a 16 month old op. You just can't! You can distract as much as possible (blowing raspberry on their feet whilst changing, lots of over the to singing etc)and you can tolerate the tantruming for things that are non negotiable. On your list I would consider hand holding/reins a non negotiable so they would get the choice "hold my hand or you go in the buggy, which would you like to do?" or "buggy, hands or reins?". Give the illusion of choice with every option one of yours.

It is very draining!! I had to deal with many, many meltdowns with my dd. Remember that other people are either sympathetic having been thee themselves or they really don't care.

@InDubiousBattle I've tried the distracting, we sing clap hands daddy comes, which is the only thing that works as I blow a raspberry on her tummy at the end which she finds hilarious, the hand holding reigns ! I didn't even know they were a thing, will deffo be having a look on amazon for them tonight. I don't mean discipline in a harsh way, just gentle, guiding her into the right choices etc as she's becoming a right little madam even at 16 months xx

Honestly OP, I feel your pain. I have a 22 month old and he's been a nightmare for months now. One thing that has helped was to introduce the corner for "time-out" when he's really naughty. (When he hits us, etc) At first it was incredibly effective as he was quite upset to be made to stand there but now he just laughs at us so it's definitely not a long term solution. 🤷🏻‍♀️

I guess I just want you to know you're not alone. When it gets really hard, I just tell myself that at least he's happy and healthy and this phase will pass. 😬

I agree I don't think you can/should discipline as such. I agree with distraction and for the important stuff like walking outside I would pick which you prefer her to do reins or holding hand. The its either hold hand or pram or reins or pram, I think the keeping it a simple as possible it easier for them.

I think with lots of distractions techniques are always good to have in your back pocket 😄

Could you put a baby gate on her bedroom door if you don't want her coming to you? Although if she is screaming I think she will probably just scream at the gate but maybe worth a try, we are going to put one on once we take the side off DS cot bed. He has confidently walked since 10 months but I still don't think he's ready for sides to come off, or should that be I'm not ready for the sides to come off lol

Good luck, hope everything gets sorted

Have you seen the Littlelife back packs? Mini back pack with reins, you can get them to put 'stuff they need' in before you go out. Fantastic when they start carrying their own crap about!

I'm really sorry your dealing with this, it's hard at that age but there just pushing their boundary's.

There just like "why can't I do what I want" haha.

Also tell your mother in law does she want a hard smack when she does something somebody find frustrating. The dickhead

@LordPickle we've tried the baby gate on her room and it makes her worse unfortunately, she's not old enough for time out but that's becoming something I'm going to try in a few months !

@InDubiousBattle I've seen them but think because it's on her, she will react the same way as she does to normal reigns, I'll try the ones that go around the wrist and if that doesn't work try the bagpack ! Thanks for telling me about them, deffo one for the future I think !

@imnotelenor I didn't ask for you to call my mother in law a dickhead, I have a lovely relationship with my mother in law, she doesn't smack my daughter, she simply suggested it one day when we had both been run ragged by her that maybe a tap on the hand wouldn't go amiss every now and again when she'd been especially naughty,to which I declined.

I found the little bag with reins very helpful. At that age, they want to copy you so pack your bags together. She puts her toy in hers etc.

Not quite for now but How to talk so little kids will listen is a great book for practical guidance on managing behaviour and building a good relationship.

A book or toy when changing her nappy worked well for me on my first. He was a wriggler.

If you're bed is big enough, let her sleep in with you. You're pregnant, you've a toddler and you're studying. Sleep will make it easier so get sleep in whatever way you can!

Agree- it's virtually impossible to discipline.

I find distracting- dd is a huge fan of songs with actions so if I need distract her I just start singing the first song that comes into my head. Also lots of praise- as I crow bar her into the car seat because shes refusing to sit in it I fine myself saying "oh good girl, what a good girl". Not sure it works but it stops me from losing my shit!! Dd is also quite verbal so I try to give her a choice where I can so she has less of a meltdown. Also we have reins that are the skiphop ones- she seems to love the fact that theyre a bag and enjoys wearing them.

Take comfort from the fact we're all dealing with the same problems- it really isn't just you!!

Agree with pps. So difficult to discipline at this age. DDs almost 16 months and a monster at times. She's gradually understanding no and will shake her head at me and stop what she's doing when I say no. I'll be honest, she's at nursery and I think they've done the bulk of the work in getting her to understand that as she's learnt by watching the children who are older than her when they're told no.

DDs also pushchair refusing at the moment, we got one of those push a long bikes and she's happy to go in that. It's a pain as we can't use it on rainy days but she's happier to go in that. The wrist reins are also good. She can't stray to far then. This is just the worst age for tantrums.

For the sleep, could she be teething? Back teeth coming through? They're supposed to be the most painful.

Oh god OP I feel for ya cos my 14mo is genuinely turning this way now. He had an absolute meltdown before when I had to change his nappy before bedtime. Every change has become a battle and also ignores my simple instructions like “ah ah”. I do agree with pp though that there isn’t really a way to discipline right now. One thing that helps me with changing is letting DS play with something that he’s not usually supposed to like my phone or the house keys and I pretend like he’s not allowed at first and say “nooooo” then let him anyway as if he’s won (this sounds absolutely bonkers but it works most the time) then just do it really quickly

Oh it is so hard! You are not alone with this struggle.

One thing that might help is to try and stay one step ahead and predict what will cause a meltdown so you can try to pre-empt it. Once you get in a tussle with her (we have all done it!) getting out of it is far harder than trying to prevent it in the first place - even though that too is not easy.

Distraction, distraction, distraction.

"Gosh, I did not know you could do that! - show me again? Brilliant! Can you also do this (the thing you WANT her to do!)?".......reward reward reward - smiles, clever girl etc.

It also helps to try and avoid the word No - the more often you say it the more ignorable it becomes - it is simply white noise in the end. Save No for when it is vital.

Clear reward system - we are just going to change your nappy and then it will be time for Sarah and Duck/having a snack (or whatever).

My heart is with you - it is a challenging time!