I’ve always had a rocky relationship with my parents and as a teenager I never felt I was able to approach either of them with my problems as I just knew they would have an opinion on it and ultimately be told no or if it was something that had already happened then punished rather than having the opportunity to discuss with them.
When I moved out at 22, my relationship changed for the better - I would often pop in for a cup of tea or them to my house. We live in a small community so it’s very easy to do (only 15mins drive away).
However when I had my first child 3 years later it started to go down hill again. My mum often gave opinions on how to do something, and often turned up her nose when I said was the current recommendations were, saying “it didn’t harm you”. I’ve always managed to turn a blind eye and forget about the comments.
A further 2 years later and I’ve had my second child. I’ve just returned to work full time with the kids at nursery most of the time, my mum has both kids 2 afternoons a week to help us with childcare costs which I am very thankful for..... but......
The comments are getting worse. Telling me how I should be getting my toddler to listen, how he shouldn’t be regressing at potty training (“why is he having all these accidents”) and how he shouldn’t rule the roost when it comes to eating!!
However it is not actually these comments that are hurting me, don’t get me wrong they probably are contributing to me feeling this way.
As a parent I rarely get to see my own friends and as such vent to my mum at the end of the day when she returns the kids to me. A simple “I agree” or a shrug is all I need but it’s always met with conflict! Such as “you need to give and take” or “so and so said this” or basically anything to turn it back on to me.
I feel like a teenager being scolded and all I want is to have a good relationship with my mum knowing that she has my back no matter what but I really don’t feel that way. I feel guilty for thinking about moving further away or putting the kids into more childcare (which we can’t really afford) so that basically she is able to be a grandparent. I feel that having both kids stress her out - she’s never said exactly that but she’ll moan about the toddler running off (just adding here that they are young grandparents - early 50s).
What would you do? Am I being unreasonable? I feel like crying a lot at the moment!!