My husband and I have different parenting philosophy

[aizhik]

Hello everyone,

Could never imagine that I would be complaining about one of my husband's qualities that actually made me marry him: he is a genuinely nice person. Which unexpectedly started backfiring (at least on me) when we became parents. Last year we were blessed with a healthy and striving baby boy. He is now 13 months old. And turns out my husband just cannot say 'no' to this little kid of ours. The baby of course quickly figured that out and now the daddy is his most favorite person. Nothing wrong about this as such but I think kids need to learn that there are such things as boundaries and rules. And when he is with his dad, he is allowed everything from playing dangerous staff to eating sweets. And to make things worse my husband recently mentioned that "he wont be able to ever say 'no' to the baby so looks like we have to play good-bad cop", me being a bad one of course..this may sound crazy and as a small problem to some of you but I really don't know what to do. I don't want to become the least favorite parent simply because I had guts to set some boundaries. I feel like my husband is playing unfair to me. We talked several times and he said he got my feedback but his actions haven't changed since..
So my question is: is there a good book on parenting that you would recommend where they would explain such things like being a strict but well intended parent or that playing good/bad cop is not a healthy approach..something like this? or shall we go seek a family psychotherapist consultation?

Thanks all of you in advance

Hmm. Well there's lots of stuff online about parenting styles, he sounds like a permissive parent and you sound like an authoritative parent. It might be helpful to look at some of the stuff about that together.

You could also ask him why he thinks that never saying no is the best thing for your child? If he can't think of why, and he recognises it's him being selfish, then ask him why he doesn't want the best for his child?

What kind of dangerous stuff does he let him do?

Also ask him if he thinks that encouraging a sweet tooth and risking teeth damage is best for you son as well.

Your health visitor could be a good starting point to either talk about this stuff with you and your husband, or to refer you on to parenting courses.

Jesus
He would rather your son be in danger than say no ?

What a stupid man

One way to approach this might be to think about the effect on your child.

At the moment, it is fairly simple, although not always fun for you.

In future, with two sets of rules, every outing and activity that should be fun, will become a battlefield with child trying to push you both to your limits.

Also, there must be something that your husband doesn't want your child to interfere with. E.g. let's paint all daddy's clothes, car, gaming equipment etc. There will be unspoken rules that he would be annoyed if they were broken. He has to also respect your rules.

This isn't a difference in parenting styles, this is just him opting out of actually parenting.