Does anyone else feel like this scared to leave dd with

[Issy777]

I left 11 month old dd with dp today. First time he's looking after her except once when she was a baby baby. He works 50 hour weeks so has never taken her
I work 25 hours and have Tuesdays off. I know it's silly but I'm just so worried. He doesn't seem to do what I do. Example I literally have to remind him (when I'm there n might be busy or in the shower) to feed and change her!!

He would just forget to even give milk or breakfast. Also the main thing is he doesn't ever seem to "spend time" with her I.e he lets her play on floor with toys and just goes on his phone or laptop. Whereas I try to spend time reading to her, talking and just generally playing with her using sensory etc
It breaks my heart as I don't feel like leaving her I know his may be common for men hence why I wrote this post, what are your dps like with your dc? Do you ever dread leaving them ?

He's the dad and I should t feel this way but his ways seem to be the women do all the childcare although I work as well so when I'm at work dd is with grandparents or childminder he's never offered to take a day off of for example we struggle for childcare it's always "ask the childminder"

Just wondering if this is common

Not in our household. My DH does things differently but he wouldn't not feed our children! He plays with them/takes them out.

I was im hospital with DD for a week and DH had to look after our son on his own. He coped just fine.

OP why are you with him? Sorry to be blunt

Have you given him a chance to do these things or do you presume he won't do it, remind him and then tell yourself he can't be trusted? Because I did, and still do sometimes, the latter. I only realised I needed to stop trying to control everything when I had to go to hospital and when I came home everyone was alive, fed and clean. I'm not saying that this is what's happening, just what happened me.

Sorry OP but that doesn't sound good.

DP does things differently to me but in a good way like he plays with DS 1year on the floor in a more energetic/rough and tumble way that isn't natural to me. Or he sings different silly songs etc. And he always makes sure he is fed and changed. Sure he might go on his phone a little and sometimes he plays guitar whilst he's watching him which annoys me because of DS slips the guitar is in his way to move quickly to catch him or whatever but I let it go.

Have you brought this up to your DP? I know that it must be hard to say.

In a word, no. Dh learnt together with me when our first child was born. When she was 3 months old I went back to work one day a week and he stayed at home. When she was 4 months old, I went on a 4 day conference abroad: he fed her expressed milk from the freezer and was fine.
When our second child was born, he started caring for him before me as I was quite unwell. When ds was a few weeks old, dh's dad had a heart-attack and we thought he was going to die; I was too ill to travel so dh set off on the train with tiny baby and bottles of Aptamil so his dad could see his grandson; they were fine.

But then my dad was fine looking after me and my 3 brothers in the 60s, and even my granddad would have been capable of looking after a nearly one-year-old in the 1930s.

Yeah guess it's just me then with this odd predicament
Sadly, when eldest dd was born me and do had split and he looked after her three days a week! We were both still in university, he lived with his housemate and was known as "three men and a baby" as him and his mates would all look after her. He did a better job than me on some days. I guess that's why it's more upsetting as I know he is capable of looking after babies.
Just since he's been in his high demanding job he has never offered to loook after youngest dd. Don't get me wrong he doesn't neglect her but he's not as routined and persistent as me.
It's nice to hear everyone's replies and how your dh/dps are

If I ever mention it he shouts and is awful so I avoid discussing my concerns

Sounds like your problem is more with him and where he is at the moment than a general "clueless man" problem. I can understand why that is extra hurtful; afraid I have no solutions though.