Toddler very aggressive towards others

[Aaliah1234]

Hi all,

I’ve seen a side to my toddler that I had not seen before. He is a lovely little boy but this week we had a get together at my mums for the weekend where my siblings came with their children. We see them after 5 weeks or so and my little boy became increasingly moody as the days went by. He got angry, didn’t go to any other adult (he did play with the kids though) and started hitting his cousins (who are 5,6 and 9). He started to hit me too and most of it was for no reason. His cousins would come to give him a peck on the cheek and in return he would hit them or scream. This morning he was sitting in his highchair having breakfast when my sister in law came to say hello to him and he literally screamed and wanted to get off his highchair. He didn’t sit on it again and refused breakfast. He was cranky the whole day and it just ruined my trip so I cut it short and came home. Now he is fine!

He’s 16 months so I don’t know if this is extreme separation anxiety. He’s usually with me but 2 days he’s with his dad whilst I am at work. We go to toddler classes together and he goes round to see his other cousins a lot.

Hes little more than a baby. We all have bad days and they sound like they’re in his personal space. He can’t express that he doesn’t like this or that he wants to be left alone. I’d be inclined to just gently remind him to be gentle or be nice but also, if he’s grumpy then the older kids need to leave him alone

Thank you!

I’m a little scared that he may not want to socialise. He’s the only baby in the house and although he goes to see his cousins and play with them, I’m scared he may have difficulties socialising. Partly because I do too!

I love him the way he is but also scared that MIL will say he is the way he is because he grew up in a house on his own (she wanted us to all live together but we insisted that we wanted to move out!). I shouldn’t care though

You’re doing a great job mama. He’s your baby and you know what’s best for your family. He’s a baby. He can’t express himself in any other way. He has plenty of time to be social. Just remember we all have bad days, he just can’t tell you yet.

Whatever is happening it is certainly not because he lives in a house separate to his extended family. I only know one family who have an extended family member living with them and that is an adult not a child. It is not the norm to live in the same house as cousins! My 4 year old has seen his cousins much less than your child does and has just started school where he is very happy with lots of friends. So ignore any guilt tripping from MIL. Was he sleeping properly - tiredness could easily have caused that sort of behaviour. He's very young, I really doubt it meant anything at all.

He may be teething but he is sleeping okay. He’s just really grumpy these days. We are at home and he woke up in the same mood. He’s been hitting me since morning, pulling my hair, throwing his toys and himself around and shutting the cupboard doors really hard. I don’t know what has triggered this as he woke up really happy.

He’s been like his for the past couple of days even before we went to my mums. He hardly cries but yesterday he cried for half an hour in the car. I couldn’t stop as we were on the motorway.

He’s become really clingy as well. He follows me everywhere and cries if I don’t give him attention. He doesn’t even play with his toys on his own.

Also he’s started to bang his head on the floor when he gets angry!

Worried so much about these behaviours!

“They came and gave him a peck on the cheek” - sounds like they were using him as a doll and he didn’t like it. Inadvertently or deliberately they may well have been provoking his wrath for their own amusement or because they knew no better.
Developmentally, 2 year olds are just beginning the process of stepping away from their primary care giver. They dislike being thrown into a group. They become defensive and lash out. It’s normal.
That doesn’t make it acceptable and they need to learn that with a gentle but firm no and time away from the group.

Ignore him banging his head. Fussing around him reinforces the unwanted behaviour. Wait until he’s finished and move on.

I have tried to ignore it but he just throws himself anywhere and I’m scared that he will hurt himself. Is this behaviour normal?

Sounds like he's out of sorts, maybe his teeth are hurting him, or he has some other discomfort and his behaviour is the only way of expressing it. Really unwell children are quiet and floppy, it's when they are a bit unwell that they are grumpy and wingey.

That’s what I think too and I hope that’s the case

He’ll do no harm. If he bumps himself he’ll learn not to do that again. It’s hard to ignore but really is best plan. Yes perfectly normal.

My DD is the same age and has just discovered the tactic of sitting on the floor and screaming if she doesn't get her way. This came on very suddenly along with her shaking her head 'no' to everything. The joys of toddlers!

I’ll defnontely try that. He’s somehow learnt to hit us and he finds it funny. I’ve said no and tried to be upset about it but still he finds it funny. Any tips for this?