Stepmum needing advice

[AC80]

Hi,

I'm a stepmum to an 11 yo boy. I don't have any children of my own.
I've been with my DH for 8 years and married for 4 years.

I'm really struggling with some dynamics of being a stepmum. 1. My SS's mum constantly requesting date changes and 2. When my DH doesn't react to something his done does that I think should be acted on.

Latest examples:

1. We have an arrangement to have my SS every Wednesday night and 2 consecutive weekends. The ex has requested we swap both of our Feb 19 weekends. They're important occasions so we've agreed. She also has 'told' us she's having him one of our weekends in June. We've agreed. She's also swapped a weekend in March. We've agreed.

Now she wants us to swap another weekend in June for her annual holiday without my SS. We've not agreed as it would mean we have him 4 weekends consecutively. Is this reasonable? She has 2 other weekends in June she can be away? She's citing this is because we're having our holiday the weekend after her birthday in May, which is true but they were our scheduled free weekends so required no swaps. Is it fair she keeps requesting date swaps, both for us to have him and not have him when the current arrangement was of her request anyway? (Court order is for Wednesday's and Friday nights only.)

1. My SS has just wet himself as he's on the Xbox and couldn't be bothered to break for the loo. I personally think this needs addressing. My husband refuses to act on it. It's making me cross. I think he should be told to wash his pants and come off the Xbox. Am I being unreasonable?

Thanks

Fellow stepmum here.
YANBU on either account. The ex making demands is a constant source of frustration for us. Not sure where you stand with a court order though. Maybe seek legal advice?
Re SS wetting himself - has this happened before? Either way I would have switched off the X-Box and had a word with him. DH should be backing you up. What are his reasons for not doing anything about it?

Hi AutumnFairy,

I feel like the ex is a narcissist. Everything is about her. Legally we're not obliged to swap. In case of disagreement the old court order applies which actually means we have SS every Friday night and she has to have him every Saturday night. The new arrangements were by mutual agreement and for the best interests for everyone.
But she's still constantly swapping. It makes me so mad. She bullies my DH when she doesn't get her way. I have zero contact with her so I can't resolve it for him. Unless I take it into my own hands to contact her directly as I won't be bullied?

My SS does have a small bladder and takes medication for it, but he only were himself very infrequently and if he's allowed to get too engrossed in the Xbox and for too long. As for why my DH won't deal with it I don't know. Maybe cos he's too busy playing games on his phone or because he's conflict adverse. He would back me up if I dealt with it, but I'm then the wicked stepmum again.

This is getting to a point that it's upsetting me and as much as I love my DH, I don't know if I can cope with all this any more.