HELP! Breastfeeding nightmare. Baby won't latch and now no milk

[poppymatilda]

I had my little girl just over a week ago. I was lucky and had loads of feeding help from MWs in hospital (was there for 2 nights due to c-section).
I did skin to skin in the operating theatre and tried breastfeeding within and hour or so of her being born.

She just wouldn't latch and on that first night a MW hand expressed some colostrum to give to her. It was horribly painful but glad she got the antibodies etc.

I tried and tried to feed in those first 48 hours but she wouldn't latch. MWs showed me various breast feeding positions but nothing worked. Initially she would root for the breast and look interested but then refuse and just gum the nipple a bit. Both she and I would get more and more worked up and I just ended up in tears. They tried to reassure me she would get the hang of it but at each subsequent feed it just got worse. I was terrified she would end up starving because of me.

I had to start feeding her formula in the end and the hospital actually said they wouldn't have let me go home if I'd refused to use formula because she kept refusing the breast. They said from day 3 I would need to express so that when my milk came in I kept my supply up.

I've continued to offer the breast and expressed since day 3 but both without much success. The baby still refuses to latch and it's only the last couple of days I've managed to express anything (30ml today).

Everyone tells me I've done everything right but I just don't understand why it's still not working. I don't think my milk has even properly come in - my breasts feel exactly like they did pre-pregnancy - no engorgement or leaking or anything.

Has anyone else had a similar experience? My friends all seem to have managed to breast feed and I feel like a complete failure. I'm at my wits end, my nipples are sore from all the endless expressing and I just feel like giving up permanently. It's starting to cast a shadow over motherhood. Everything else I'm enjoying it's just this.

This happened to me 14 years ago. Ds was born unable to latch became distressed at the breast and got jaundiced and sleepy.

I hand expressed and cup fed him. I found that hand expressing stimulated my supply better. When I say cup I mean something that looks like the top off a bottle. I did it every 3 hours round the clock.

After a couple of weeks I topped up with formula just to give me a bit of breathing space still from a cup though not a bottle. Also by that time I was able to use a pump

He eventually learnt to latch at around 6 weeks old and I breastfed him for 13 months.

You could try nipple shields? I know some HCP advise against them, but if you’re really struggling then better them than give up. They’ll give you’re nipples a rest and help you baby feed easier.

I tried to breastfeed all three of my children, with very limited success. In the end I figured any breast milk at all is better than none. I expressed and gave them that in a bottle, topped up with formula and I also used nipple shields.

I just found it impossible, which was frustrating. I bought every book, watched every you tube video and bought every breastfeeding aid, but we just couldn’t get the hang of it. 3 times!

I haven’t got 20/20 vision, but I don’t beat myself up about not being able to see properly. Our bodies are all different and as natural as breastfeeding is, in my experience it was near impossible.

Have you tried checking for tongue tie? I really struggled with DS until we found out he had one

Firstly you are not a failure, you are doing your best for your little one and are working through this issue as best you can.

I had a similar experience with my baby he couldn’t latch due to quite a severe tongue tie - has your baby been checked for this? My DS tongue went into a heart shape when he tried to suckle and he couldn’t even stick his tongue out it was so fastened down.

As my DS couldn’t latch I started out hand expressing and then used the hospital pump to bring my milk in pumping every three hours. (Hospital pump was a medela one you can hire them by the week apparently).

We used the feeding cup for about a fortnight (I was in hospital 9 days - (in hindsight I ought to have used a syringe, much easier and he wasn’t lapping properly due to the tongue tie) and then went onto bottles while we waited for his tongue tie appointment as he was needing more milk than the cup could hold.

During this time I continued to offer the breast before every feed which was upsetting to us both tbh because we both found it frustrating. Me because he couldnt feed, was just sitting with the nipple in his mouth and him because he was hungry.

Once he’d had his tongue tie snipped I had to use nipple shields until he was about seven weeks old, as he seemed to have got used to the bottle teat but he caught on that he could feed more easily without them. He’s now 12 weeks and feeding as normal but it was a hard road to get to that point and I was very emotional and frustrated so I can empathise.

I did have a patch where I thought my supply had dipped and to combat it I took to my bed with him and spent a couple of days having lots of skin to skin, I ate a lot of porridge and extra protein and made sure I was drinking plenty too. I also took some fenugreek tablets. All seemed to help.

Do you have a la Leche league in your area they may be able to offer you some support in person too.

Whatever you ultimately decide to do will be the best decision for you and your baby. We are all different and have different needs; giving formula does not mean you have failed.

Also can you check you are using the correct size pump for expressing, it shouldn’t be chafing you. Have you got lanisoh nipple cream too? If not get some and apply it as frequently as you can too. I hope you get sorted.

Check for tongue tie
Try nipple shields - I was in same position as you. Nipple shields let me breastfeed.

Thanks all. Good to know I'm not alone but sorry to hear about your challenging experiences.
I'm on the fence about nipple shields. Midwives advised against when I was in hospital and someone told me they stop the colostrum getting through so feel like they defeat the object of breastfeeding a bit? That said, my nipples are sore and frankly at this point I'm willing to try anything that might help!
@Maz - maybe some of us just aren't made for breastfeeding! Everyone talks such a lot about it being so natural that I just assumed that it would work out for me - how naive I was.
The hospital assured me she didn't have tongue tie but I do wonder because some of the symptoms seem an awful lot like it.

Has anyone used a lactation consultant? A friend has recommended someone she used but I'm not sure whether it's worth a try or not.

Hi Poppy, definitely try the LC and get a referral for possible tt too. Both my children were repeatedly checked by doctors and HCPs and only diagnosed with tt once we saw a professional.

I had supply problems which may have been partly caused by the tt or may have been hormonal - like you I never felt my milk come in - but over time I did build it up by pumping as well as offering breast, 3-4 hourly (plus formula). I had the Ardo double electric pump and a pumping bra to make it as efficient as possible.

I never got back to ebf with either of them but I have made my peace with it. I mix fed dc1 until 9 months and currently sitting here bf dc2 (7mo) who is mix fed too.

It is really hard when things don't go to plan especially with breastfeeding as it is such an immediate need. You are doing all the right things to ensure your child's health. Wish you all the best and hope you get some sleep :)

I had trouble breastfeeding too. It took a couple of weeks for it to come naturally. Baby and I had to learn together. I have inverted nipple and found gently stroking the breast in circles around the nipples helped to stimulate milk supply and make my nipples pop out (if you know what I mean). I too became frustrated, emotional, felt like a failure and cried. Breastfeeding is natural but is much harder to establish than I thought it would be. After a couple of weeks it became easier. I decided that being stressed was making it harder for me so I got into comfy chair, put the telly on, put on my favorite shows and tried to relax and not put pressure on myself. That helped me and baby. Baby has to learn how to breastfeed too. You're doing great, you are not a failure, do what is good for you and baby. Try not to be too hard on yourself, relax and do something that you enjoy and relaxes you.

I can relate. I've got 3 children (youngest is 3wo) & have struggled to feed each of them. Mainly I've always felt my supply wasn't sufficient (despite ample feeding and expressing to boost my supply) and this was reflected in their weight loss, most recently with DC3 who lost 14% birth weight and by day 4 and was hospitalised. Latch was also an issue, she does latch successfully but struggles a lot (she also struggles to take a bottle). A doctor actually thinks she has tongue tie and we have an apt with a lactation consultant to check and snip it this week. Conversely DC2 was diagnosed with tongue tie at about 3mo after 6 midwives had all said she didn't have it. Midwives are not qualified to diagnose it though, so you need a lactation consultant to assess it for you.

This time round I have am friend who is still bf support worker who has been helping me. She said to build your supply you need to express 10-12 times in 24 hours (do compressions at the same time). It's been hard going but I've been doing it and getting 100ml every 24 hours (not a huge amount by week 3 but enough to give her a bottle a day). In my case I'm mostly having to give formula because despite my best efforts I can't seem to produce enough for her. I've made my peace with it. I have been here with 2 other children and after emotionally tearing myself to pieces over it, I have decided that fed is best and me being happy is best. Perhaps if she does have tongue tie it'll change things, but perhaps not.

My advice is to try and relax. Make sure she is fed and well and give yourself some breathing space to figure it out. Get a lactation consultant to check for tongue tie and get the nipple shields. Midwives and health visitors will always impart their wisdom, but they're not in your shoes and you need to do what works for you and your baby.

It's just how it goes op. Not your fault. You've done all you can, now watch her thrive on formula, she will.

I'd echo everyone's suggestion to get the a tt ruled out. Breast feeding was excruciating for me from day 2! Turns out dd had a posterior TT that the midwives and Dr all missed. Took getting referred to the hospitals breast feeding clinic to get it sorted. That was a tough first month! Good luck op!

Absolutely get her assessed for tongue tie!!!

The number of babies born with a tongue tie or far, is far higher than people realise.

I arrived o baby nurses step in tears with macerated nipples about 2 days after we got home.
Baby nurse suggested nipple shield and top up with formula at night.
I could never express more than 20 mls.
My a.m. was to get to 6 weeks and then go from there.
At 6 weeks nipple shields gone, kept top up formula at night as it gave DH something to do and baby slept for 5 hours straight.
Good luck.
A fed baby is a happy baby. Just do what works for you

Get an electric breast pump, a madela one.

I had the same issue with my first, and an electric pump really got things flowing.

You are doing great!

Well done for trying so hard. My DS is now 17 and I tried and failed to breast feed. Did all the right things but he just wouldn’t latch on. I formula fed in the end after a couple of days.

Two years ago I took DS to a cranial osteopath due to daily migraine. As part of the treatment he felt in ds’s mouth and asked had I breast fed. I said no that I’d tried but DS wouldn’t. He said he wasn’t surprised as due to the shape of the roof of his mouth he wouldn’t have been able to latch on properly. Cue 15 years of guilt gone!

I’m not saying don’t keep trying. A lactation consultant will be a good idea. I would also maybe see a cranial osteopath.

But don’t beat yourself up if it doesn’t work.

Fed is best. A fed baby is the most important. A lot of women just cannot breastfeed and once they are feeding their child, that’s all that matters. You sound absolutely distraught but rest assured mama you are doing a great job. I guess if you really wanted to, you could express whatever you can and feed both breast milk and formula, but there’s no shame in stopping either. You tried, you did your best and your baby won’t be left hungry. Remember to be kind to yourself, you’ve just given life to another human.

Guys, I can't thank you all enough for your kind responses. I do feel bad and am beating myself up about considering giving up - feel like I'm being selfish. But you've made realise there's more to being a mum than how you feed.

I'm going to investigate the tongue tie and see if I can get some further support from an LC or similar. If neither works I think I might call it a day and start focussing on enjoying time with our lovely newborn and worrying less! X

I would just second what a few others have said and don’t feel bad if you want to stop. Don’t consider it giving up, you’ve tried bloody hard and if it’s going to stress you out or get you down then it might be for the best to stop and just use formula. Your baby will thrive breastfed or not.

I had problems feeding after a difficult birth. I produced next to no colostrum and my baby wouldn’t latch so we used formula and persisted in trying to get him to latch to no avail. I was pumping 6-8 times a day for a month and it was driving me crazy. I got no rest because I was pumping whenever I could and it really started to affect me. The day I stopped it was like a weight off my shoulders and I started to relax and enjoy my baby.

Of course if you feel really strongly that you want to bf there are lactaction consultants and bf clinics that can help but I would just say bf isn’t the be all and end all. There’s much more to being a mum than how they are fed and what is best for your baby is having a happy mum. Good luck with everything.

Quick update - I saw an LC today. She checked for tongue tie and doesn't think she has it. But the big news is that with her help and a nipple shield I managed to breast feed my little girl today for the first ever! One small step at a time but we agreed my goal is to get to one breast feed a day - seems like a manageable aim!

That's great news!!! I'm so pleased you went and saw a lactation consultant. What a relief for you - also goes to show that HVs aren't always right.

I just wanted to add that it's not a wonder you're beating yourself up. This is the 3rd time I'm going through the same fight. It's only because it's the 3rd time and I've been here before (having tried so hard), that I'm not beating myself up this time. You are only human and you have limits. You are doing an amazing job and even if it doesn't pan out how you hoped, you are still doing so very well.

That's fantastic news! I remember how I struggled and then an hour with a breast feeding support worker in the hospital fixed it for me. I I don't know whether you have and children's centres in your area, but if you do, check to see what support they have on offer. In my area, we run support groups that are led by a trained breast feeding counsellor and they are great for providing ongoing help.

Poppy so happy for you Wishing you and your baby girl all the best