Encouraging sharing and turn taking

[graysor]

Dd is 2.11. She is not good at sharing and turn taking. She gets very possessive of her things when friends come to play, meaning it’s not fun for anyone and I spend a lot of time policing / mediating while dd is angry and upset, as is her play mate.

Do you have any good strategies for teaching and encouraging her to share and take turns?

Annoyingly she has no interest in playing games (snap, orchard games etc) so can’t really use that as a tool for modelling turn taking.

What is she like at nursery, play group or soft play? I am wondering seeing if it is just her stuff that she doesn’t not like to share. It is very rare for adults to share their personal belongings, my friend does not rock up and want to take my make up/clothes/car. Perhaps ask your DD which plays she wants to share before the play date and then put the others away.

This is actually a very common problem and often just a phase. Does she go to nursery or pre-school? How does she share there?

If she shares okay at pre school she is probably just having issues with her sharing her own toys in her own surroundings. She sees the items at hers and hers only. Not ideal but at only 2 is not uncommon and even some adults don’t like people touching their stuff. I would just keep modelling good sharing to her. Explaining to her why sharing is important. She will get it eventually 😊

I think most 2/3 year olds struggle with sharing and taking turns. What has helped with our DD is we play lots of taking turns games together at home, and DP and I make a big deal of letting each other having a 'turn' at chores it has improved things somewhat from her screaming at other children that all the playground equipment in the park was 'MINE!' and attempting to shove them off. Now she specifically takes a toy to share with her friends at her childminder and tells us they will 'love it', there are still squabbles but less so.

I’ve not asked specifically what she’s like at the childminder re. sharing. But haven’t heard anything either way. She is mostly with older children there, and as pps have said, it’s a bit different as she knows it’s not her stuff there. She starts preschool in jan, so she’ll have plenty of opportunity to practice there, but I’d like to work on it before she starts.

We have the same problem as silkpyjamas in the playground. She gets really angry when she can’t do what she wants when she wants. E.g. go on the one particular swing she likes. She won’t be diverted to do something else or distracted so we end up standing by the swing while she howls ‘but I want to go on the swing, it’s my turn’. While I say calmly you can have your turn when the others have finished theirs, and vaguely ignoring the meltdown.

She hasn’t had many play dates at home, so it’s quite a new thing. Hopefully it will be a bit of a phase.

Dh and I should do more modelling of turn taking and sharing. Thinking about it we don’t do this at all! What are good scenarios we can contrive to do this?