NC for this one. Lost my only daughter, 23, three years ago. It's very hard. I have a DS and a DH, and I have stayed for them. I would just as soon die, as I feel like my future is bleak. I get up, go to work, make all the right motions, but miss her constantly. When I went for open heart surgery, I told DH to forgive me, but if I saw her I would not come back. I dream of her. There is an old wish I read for those who are grieving. May you think of her first thing in the morning, and last thing at night, but be able to live your life in between. I wish that for you. It does not get better, but it does get easier to bear it. And, I can honestly say I have completely, totally lost my fear of death. When co-workers complain at how quickly a month has gone by (OMG-October is gone already! Time is going so fast!) I secretly am pleased, as I am closer to seeing her again.
There are many, many of us walking around broken. Most people can't see it, and can't imagine the depth of it. I live my life and people who didn't know me three years ago don't guess, and if they hear about it, they don't ask. You will live on, and enjoy the family and friends you have left. God bless you.