Lack of bond with toddler

[Fortyfatandfedup]

Sorry in advance for the long post.

I currently have a fifteen month LO and I've struggled to bond with her since she was born.

I reasoned that at the beginning it was natural to feel that way, and I had some counselling sessions and additional HV support. Although these helped a bit, I still didn't feel that close to her.

It doesn't help that she has a milk allergy that went undiagnosed for over three months. I can honestly say those months were the worst of my life. She screamed morning, noon and night and I felt very isolated from everyone, as I felt I wasn't able to socialise as she would just scream the place down.

Since being diagnosed she has been happier, but overall still very unsettled. She goes to nursery a few days a week, so inevitably has an almost constant stream of minor illnesses which doesn't help. Weaning onto food has been difficult.

She has never slept through the night, and now we are having almighty screaming tantrums at every opportunity.

I feel very guilty for feeling the way I do. As time goes on I feel resentful of what I've lost in my life by having a baby that I don't feel close to.

The irony is I do love her. I hate the thought of something bad happening, as I know it would break my heart.

What is wrong with me?

All sounds totally understandable.

If you have a very difficult birth, or a very difficult baby, the bind can be difficult to cement.

Those that have a very easy baby might struggle to understand.

Please don't give yourself a hard time about this.

You need help and support and be able to talk to someone who is understanding. And can offer suggestions and advice on how to help moving forward.

There is nothing wrong with you OP. Motherhood is tough and I think so many of us are unprepared for that.

Do you have any mum friends that could come round with their LO for some company so you don’t have to worry about your daughter having a public tantrum?

Are you working or full time mum at the mo? If the latter might it be possible to do some part time work while she’s at nursery to give yourself something else to focus on some of the time?

Have you thought of talking to your GP or Health Visitor?
I'm not sure if they can help, but it might be a good starting point...
it well could be undiagnosed post natal depression, or something similar. PM me, I went through it all....

Thanks for your replies. I'll pm over the next couple of days x