Adoption: Have you done it?

[Jzee]

We have 1ds already 1 1/2 and are thinking of adopting in the future. I have been ill since ds was born ( long story) but am making a recovery and living a 'normal' life. I'm concerned that that having an illness may hold us back from a successfull application and would rather find out sooner than later if that was the case. Have you been down this road yourself and adopted and do you have any suggestions? I'm lucky to already have one beautiful baby, but would like to give a child in need a loving home.

Good for you Jzee - we adopted our second DD when she was a small baby - we already had DD1 who was 3.5 when we got DD2. It was a bit of an emotional rolercoaster and definately not the easy option - but we have never looked back - DD2 is a great joy to us all! As far as the illness goes - I'm not sure what the position is. WE had to have medicals but they are not expecting the superhuman - they just want normal parents and if you are good enough for DS1 then you are good enough for another!

I think you need Issymum here. Her dh is in a wheelchair, I think she's said, so I'm sure she'd be able to help (she has two adopted dds).

(sorry if I sound like a mad stalker, Issymum )

We looked at applying a few years ago, partly because I was considered too unwell to have another baby at that time (also a long story but the affect was low oxygen). It didn't seem to be a problem as I had improved enough for it not to interfere with my day-to-day life as long as I was on medication. I'd also gained a lot of weight as the medication is steroids and this didn't seem to bother them either. However, we didn't take it any further so can't say for sure. Good Luck!

We haven't been through it directly but I have acted as a referee for a close friend who has adopted twice. I had to comment more on their personalities, temperament and marriage and their strengths in each area to be honest. I know that they had to have medicals, and as far as I am aware they don't have anything a matter with them, so perhaps this wasn't an angle that they were worried about themselves. I felt that the emphasis was on their ability to bring the children up in a loving caring environment and what they had to offer the children. You could always ring the adoption department to discuss it further. I don't know if it a local thing to us but my friends were told that once they were accepted that it could take up to 2 years to adopt, so if you are thinking about a particular age gap that you would like I would bear this in mind.

Hi Jzee, DH and I are approved to adopt, but haven't actually adopted yet. I don't think your illness would hold you back from being approved, the impression I got was that the only types of illness that they would have doubts about would be if you were likely to die before the adopted child was grown up (18 or so), or if you were likely to be incapacitated in a way that made you unable to care for a child. If you decide to go ahead they will probably investigate your illness first so that you don't have to go through the whole process and then find at the end that they won't approve you.

I would say go for it, but bear in mind that the whole process will take much longer than you think it will, and be very emotionally draining. Also, they usually (but not always) want the adopted child to be at least 2 years younger than your youngest child, which means you will be looking for a very young child/baby and that's a very competitive area. Basically the child's social worker has to find the best possible parents for the child and most potential adoptors want a young child so for each baby the social worker will often be considering 4 or 5 sets of adoptors. If you plan to adopt a child with a disability or developmental uncertainty there is much less of a wait.

I know this will sound a bit negative, but honestly if I could have had birth children I would have preferred it over adoption, nothing to do with the child him/herself, I know I will love my child with all my heart no matter how he/she joins the family, but because it's such a long and sometimes heartbreaking process.

Do feel free to CAT me if you want to Jzee.