Tell me about your boundaries/rules for your toddler

[Rainatnight]

We've gone through a fairly tough time as a family, with my dad's serious ilness, then death, then I got ill. Life has been a bit chaotic and we've let some of our boundaries for DD (2.5) slide, around TV, etc, and I must say I've been a bit more inclined to give into whining.

Life is getting back onto a bit more of an even keel, so it's a good time to look again at boundaries and rules and get back to normal. That's also a chance to look again at what's important and I'd love your thoughts.

So tell me, what sort of rules and boundaries do you have for your toddlers? Particularly interested in TV, food/eating, and sort of general behaviour in terms of how much you'd expect them push to get their own way etc.

Hope that makes sense! Thanks.

TV - basically i aim not to allow tv during school type hours so off beteeen 8 and 4. No real limts outside of that at the weekend. She has access to no other screens.

Meals - eaten sitting down and if she gets up, that is the end of the meal. She has to use cutlery and eat a decent amount if she wants something else eg i will happily give yoghurt but not if she's only eaten 1 bite.

I try to say yes where i can and generally give her choices but i don't allow any rudeness or physical stuff, and has to share / take turns.

Dd has just turned 4

DS is 19 months
TV - only from 4/5ish
No other electronics
Meals/food - only eating when sitting down. I know he likes all the meals I cook so, unless he's ill, I don't make alternatives if he decides not to eat dinner for example and I just give him a banana or toast with his bedtime milk.
The whinging is hard going at times but I'm firm with things that there's no choice with (doing a nappy, getting dry after a bath, getting changed, putting a coat on if cold etc). Other stuff I'm more relaxed about so he can choose more.

Telly or iPad as she likes. We go out twice a day minimum so she often diesn’t Have anything on.
Meals at the table, has to have a decent amount and then she gets a treat sized bit of chocolate.
No coming downstairs after bedtime
Hands must be held to cross the road

She’s 2.11 and a second child.

My DS is 15 months old

No TV or screens ( except when daddy does breakfast then he (daddy) sneaks the tv on until I get up lol)
Must eat breakfast, lunch and tea at the table - feeds himself but once he's full he stops, he doesn't get down until we have all finished . if he doesn't want his tea it blueberry ( or whatever fruit I have in) oat bake bar for supper.
Can have his 2 snacks a day in the living room
Predominantly only natural sugars and non processed foods.
When outside must hold mummies hand or he gets carried or put his in pram
Trying to reinforce "gentle " and "slowly" as he can get a bit over excited
Bedtime between 7.30 and 8.00 ( he normally tells us when he's ready for bed,by his actions not verbally)

Generally can't come out of his cot until 6am

Lol

I'm sorry but some of this is hilarious

Thanks to everyone who's shared so far. Would love to hear more.

Sorry to hear about your difficult time, it's hard with toddlers aswell. Good that some people appreciate that and try to post constructively.

I think with a 2.5 year old you can get it back.
I find consistency is key. Even when it takes every fibre of your being not to have a meltdown and give in....stick to your guns, calmly and clearly. With loads of hugs and kisses/ praise when it's done.

Food wise - most meals at table some snacks on the go.
I prepare my son by telling him what we are going to do 10 mins before, then remind at 5 mins, then at 3 mins, so "DS we are going out in 10 so shoes on and in the car soon"then at 5 mins "DS bring your shoes in so we can put them on before we go out in the car " then "DS come on shoes on then in car"
No tv yet
Follow through with anything I say

I try to keep my toddlers TV viewing to a minimum. I use it to help me for 10 minutes or so in the mornings when we have all just got up. Gives me a chance to see to the baby, get her changed, fed and settled so I can begin our breakfasts. Then it goes off for the rest of the day until I prep dinner and need a little help distracting him from getting under my feet in the kitchen, plus he's usually tired by then and ready for some chill out time on the sofa before eating.

Regarding meals, I encourage him to try as much variety of food as poss with lots of praise for doing so. My trick is to give him a good size portion of what I know he likes plus a new food introduced or a food he wasn't keen on before incase he now likes it. We always eats his meals up the table. If he behaves well during meal times he gets a little treat after his yogurt/fruit.

With behaviour, I only give one more warning then follow it through.

He's 3 and a pretty well behaved since I started being more consistent.

Well.
My just turned 3yr old always watches tv in the morning and eats breakfast on the sofa.

Other meals are at the table. If he eats great, if he doesn't that's fine too. I do expect him to eat nicely of course and he generally does.

As for whining and stuff, I tend to pick my battles, he doesn't really tantrum. He's pretty easy and well behaved tbh!

I'm clearly a lot more laid back and lazy than most posters so far. 

Interesting thread!

I have one DS, 19mo. Main rules are:

• Breakfast, lunch and dinner in his booster seat at the table. No dessert unless he eats a respectable amount of the main meal (assuming it's not something new). Snacks are on the move usually.
• No grabbing things from the fridge or worktops, he has to ask/ point
• Whining doesn't get him what he wants (I will distract, ask him to use his words, or cuddle if he's getting worked up but I won't generally give him whatever it is he's whining about).
• No tech (phone/ laptop - we don't have a TV), no plugs, no wires. We do let him watch a couple of short videos a day with us holding the phone or tablet but he has to ask for what he wants. (He can say 'Bob' for Bob the Builder or 'animals' for a video of zoo animals he likes.)
• Hold hands in the street
• No running off in the supermarket/ shopping centre etc - we give him a warning or two, then it's in the buggy
• No hitting or biting - happens very rarely but we will stop him and remove him from the situation right away

Reading it back that sounds very strict 😂 But in everything else, we're very laid back and will generally humour his whims! I am just firm about the ground rules and to be fair, he mostly obeys them (except the fridge!!).

I try to say yes as much as possible to pick my battles. I have a 15 month old and 3.5 year old.

No Whiney voice or I give nothing. He needs a proper voice.
Bedtime is bedtime - ‘no more talking’ etc Baby asleep by 1840 and older one by 1915 (but I do lie woth the older one which drives me crazy but is a habit we got into years ago as he was poorly with reflux)
Screen time, older one before bed (to let me sort out baby) in his pjs in our bed; younger one not interested. Older one also gets them on weekend mornings. Not really on during the day unless ill or we are struggling to fill day
Please, thank you and no hitting
Older one is allowed to have private space (he can go into his own room to play to prevent the younger ‘playing’ (wrecking his stuff!)
All meals at table for younger one; older one can eat weekend breakfast in his bed, couch or wherever. He also eats toast in bed on a weekday but that is because his daddy is on his own in the mornings and needs to get them both and himself out very early (not as early as me). All other meals at table with us
Woth food, we put out healthy meals (as best we can) and no pressure to eat it or not). Older one needs to stay at table until we are done or if we have visitors and are dragging it out, he can say ‘please may I leave the table’ and he can. Older one eats NO fruit or veg at all but sticking to not making food an issue and keeping offering. We don’t have dessert at all unless we have visitors or if older one randomly asks for it (once a month ish) we give it.

The older one is really well behaved. Nothing we have done - he just has a lovely manner. Younger one I’m not too sure if yet!

I agree though that consistency is key AND follow theough (including not changing your mind if you committed to something fun but then think it’s not that convenient). Other than that, choose the boundaries that work for your family and circumstances (and watch out as extra screen time makes our boy grumpy!) x