Feel like an awful mother

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It's been a tough few months with virtually no sleep. My little one is 5 months old now and I'm just feeling like such a failure. I'm so snappy. Today he's refused all naps and I was driving home from my parents house which is about 40 mins away and he just wouldn't stop crying the whole time and i know it was because he was tired so I ended up snapping and just shouting 'please just go to bloody sleep' and since I've been overwhelmed with guilt and I can't stop crying. Then I came home to a shit tip house which my OH didn't tidy before work, bearing in mind he had a lay in until 10 this morning. Alright for some eh! Especially when I was up with the baby every 40 minutes last night. Just feel so terrible

Sweetheart, I don't know ANYONE who hasn't snapped some variant of "For the love of God, shut up" at a small, inexplicably screaming baby. Sleep deprivation is torture. I adored my babies, bonded well etc, but I still shudder when I remember the exhaustion, loneliness and frustration of some of those early days when they were tiny and just wouldn't stop screaming.

Don't sweat it about the shit tip house. This time does pass - it won't always be like this, so just lower your standards for a bit. Try not to waste energy on guilt - I know it feels like other mums are coping better than you, not snapping etc, but I promise you - they are. It's fucking hard.

Is your dh normally useless? Have you explained to him how exhausted you are?

Hmm I have shouted at my DS many, many more times than this and said much worse and at full volume - it’s impossibly hard and your reaction is very normal! Please don’t worry. Your little one won’t be affected. You’re just a normal sleep deprived mum. We’ve all been there with the shouting, promise