Struggling with easy four month old - what's wrong with me?

[Findingthingstough18]

I just feel like such a crap mum. DS is four months and as far as I can see pretty averagely demanding, maybe even a bit easier than average. His sleep has been rubbish for the last couple of weeks, but before then we'd been really lucky with that. He's also been getting a bit grizzlier because he's fighting naps, but in general he's a smiley, happy little boy. I see all these other stories of babies who were really high needs, had reflux, colic etc and I know I have it comparatively easy - so why am I feeling so miserable? I am so, so bored. We go out every day but tbh since 90% of it is to places where no one talks about anything but babies it is perhaps even more boring than home. We were taking lots of long walks but that's getting harder as it gets colder and as it gets dark so early. I've tried going out for lunch/coffee with friends without children but I just end up jiggling DS and apologising for him every time he makes a squeak and then that makes me feel even more guilty. I try and spend as much time as possible interacting with him but I constantly go between boredom and then guilt that I'm not doing enough. I'm terrified that maybe I'm damaging him by not being the sort of mother he deserves. I'm going back to work in January and part of me is really looking forward to it and another part of me hates that part of me - I try and avoid telling other mothers at groups that I'm going back so soon because they make me feel so awful about it. I love DS so much and there are good days, but today I've just cried on and on off all day. He's this amazing, precious little being who is literally grinning at me as I type this and I hate myself for not loving every minute of his babyhood - I keep telling myself over and over that it'll go so fast and I should be appreciating it while it's here - but I feel like I'm just too weak and selfish.

Oh god I'm the same. It's just so DULL  I'm casting about for things to do but babies don't really do a great deal do they? I've done some groups which is good but I need something more.

It's difficult going from busy working woman to Mummy. I feel like I should be doing more but cannot for the life of me think of what to do 🤦🏻‍♀️!!

Circumstances mean it won't be viable for me to return to work  but I'm seriously considering going back but effectively making nothing!!

This. My dd is 6 months and honestly I could of written these words at 4 months. I felt exactly the same and I was diagnosed with post natal anxiety and PND. My dd is so easy shes happy, rarely cries naps well, doesn't sleep at night but I can handle that with quiet days. I felt like if she was a difficult baby at least Id be justified feeling like this, felt like I must be the extra shit mum because I can't even cope with a good baby and how do I have the right to be struggling to cope. I spoke to my hv and I've just finished Cbt and the last few weeks it's like some sort of fog has lifted and I'm finally beginning to enjoy her.
It might not be PND but it could be the start so get some help you aren't the only one who feels like this!

Why are people making you feel rubbish about going back? I’m going back at 6 months as I can’t afford to stay off any longer! So people can give their opinions all they want. Don’t take it to heart :)

And boredom is normal. We’re only human! You can’t go from having your own life to basically not be able to do anything with a mini all needs human in tow taking all your attention without missing your old life a bit. I love my daughter to bits but wish I could have a night out or go to the cinema! My daughter the happiest little thing but today I just want my own time so she’s happily playing in her bouncer..

I reckon your doing just fine. :)

I think your being too hard on yourself OP. Babies are dull, and hard work (even the best behaved ones) its ok to say you cant wait to go back work, also you sound like a good mum to me :)
you say you feel guilty, bad mums dont feel guilty, they dont care enough.
Chin up OP Toddlers are not fun either :(

Breathe, your head is racing.

You don’t need to judge yourself & definitely stop listening to others judgments. You have a lot of thoughts of what sounds like feelings of unworthiness, correct me if I am wrong.

Just breathe, try focusing on breathing not listening to your thoughts, I know this sounds maybe kind of fluffy, but if you can learn to notice your thoughts, you can start to see them for what they truly are.

You are doing the best you can.
Nobody can ask for more.

I find it hard when people tell me ‘oh it goes by so quick, make the most of it’ as the last 6 months have been so slow and so long, and I feel guilty that I’ve not been enjoying my baby as much as I should.

A good day is amazing and a bad day is unbelievably exhausting and generally full of crying.

I'm terrified that maybe I'm damaging him by not being the sort of mother he deserves
You are good enough for him op, you don’t need to doubt that.

It’s so so hard having babies/ young children. I nearly died of boredom with my first, then the guilt was crushing. It’s hard. Because you love them so much, but your time is suddenly not your own, and your life has become so dull.
It gets better, I know you know that, and it’s SO much easier with subsequent ones.

Don’t give yourself a hard time , it’s just how early motherhood is for some of us.

I find it hard when people tell me ‘oh it goes by so quick, make the most of it’ as the last 6 months have been so slow and so long, and I feel guilty that I’ve not been enjoying my baby as much as I should.

This is exactly how I feel too. It feels like a million years since I gave birth! But then I look at tiny newborn photos of him and I do feel a bit wistful and can see what people mean - but that makes me feel guilty!

Thank you so much for the nice comments. Feeling a bit better today - I think yesterday was the lowest I've been since having him.

It's also nice to be told it gets better - in real life all I've been told is that this is the really enjoyable and easy bit that I should be cherishing and 'just you wait until he's a toddler'

You don't have to love every single part of it, we are all different and some mums love the stage you're at when they are so little and chatting to others about babies, others much prefer toddlers who are more interactive. Him being easy doesn't necessarily mean that it is fun being at home with him all day everyday. Irrespective, you are a wonderful mother who loves your child and does your best for him.

My eldest is turning 2 and yes, toddlers are far more challenging but its so much fun too - she talks lots and is learning new words everyday, when we go places she usually knows and understands what is happening, I can do activities like painting and crafts with her. Each stage has its positives but don't beat yourself up for not loving every minute of it.

You will probably find you enjoy your days with him more once you are working some days as you get that time to be you when at work

Glad you’re feeling better today, just got to hold on to thinking ‘it’s just a bad day, I can survive this and there’s a good day coming soon’

I really struggled with the early days and I can see that it’s getting easier as he gets older.