Going out without DC for the first time

[Chocodrops]

Hi amazing mumsnet hive brain

I've been invited to a hen do 5 weeks after my due date. It'll be about a 2 hour drive from my home. Those organizing have made it v flexible so people can join in with the whole weekend or just bits e.g. just lunch on Saturday which is what I'm thinking.

Another event I'd just take her (she will be at the wedding) but I feel a newborn just won't be compatible with lots of boozy hens so if I go at all I'd like to go alone. DH is more than happy to have her alone, I'm planning on BFing and pumping so DH can feed her.

But I've NO IDEA what post-baby reality will be like, I don't want to commit to spending money on something I then can't go to. So, how long was it before you new-mums did something without DC? What did you need to have in place that allowed you to do so?

Thank You! 

I wouldn't have wanted to be away from any of mine for more than a couple of hours in the first 6 weeks. My boobs were still setting down into milk production too

It’s going to depend on whether she’s taken to the bottle or not. If she only wants breast then DH cannot supply that. Otherwise if you are only going for say 7-8 hours, then it’s perfectly ok. If DH is going to have a screaming baby with no food, because you are 2 hours away, then that’s different. Try and leave it until you know how well baby takes a bottle. You could be two weeks late and then you might have to rethink!

Unless you really really really wanna go, I wouldn’t commit to it. You just don’t know where you’ll be. Haven’t slept properly in 3 days? Quite possibly. I wouldn’t of been up to much 5 weeks post baby to be totally honest.

I’m sure they could add a seat for a lunch booking once you have a better idea of how you and baby would cope

I'm not one of those who couldn't leave their babies forever and a day but I could not have done this 5 weeks after my first. I was insane with tiredness and he was feeding very frequently. I would not have been able to leave him either physically or mentally. On the other hand, when he was 5 months old I spent 36 hours at my sister's hen very happily.

There's no way that I could have been away from my baby at 5 weeks, that's right in peak breastfeeding zone where feeds are so frequent. Assuming it's all going as well as it could be as well, you could be dealing with various issues at that point in time. You could also be only 3 weeks post partum, if you go overdue.

@GemmeFatale I think that's a good plan. Say I can't commit now and see if they can add me as a late lunch booking closer to the time if I'm up to it. 

For those who have pumped, how soon did you start pumping? I've heard it might not be great to start straight away as you can end up with over supply?

How long did it take you to build up enough in reserve to go out for say a morning or afternoon like 4-5 hours?

@DDIJ Sorry you had a difficult start  Goes to show you just don't know what you're going to be dealing with when motherhood starts. Hope it got tonnes better - I'm counting on it! 

In the early weeks, fitting lots of expressing sessions around very frequent feeding is tricky and tiring. You basically get no rest. It's not impossible, and you might be lucky and find it easy to express. Some women don't get much when expressing though, which can make it hard to build up a reserve.

I left my daughter with my mum for a few hours at 5 weeks :) I get mentally some mums can’t but I figured she was safe,Fed, cuddled. And figured at this age she wouldn’t miss me (she didnt)

I also breast feed (combi feed) so if you can pump that’d help your boobs not to get sore and help your supply. Your supply will sort itself out once your Back with baby feeding as well , it’s not like your leaving her for days :)

Although I would add I sometimes combi feed with formula if I don’t have time to express. Works best for me as I find expressing annoying fitting it around feeds

If you really want to go I'd suggest getting your OH to come along too and stay close so he can bring baby to you if it needs a feed. 2 hours there and back, plus possible traffic and time there would have been torture for my OH and baby (and my boobs). My dd took expressed milk in a bottle a grand total of once and after that refused completely - we followed all the advice about when to start trying it and tried everything! Along with her completely refusing a bottle I also found it painful to express and never got much.
For the first couple of months I was like a zombie.,,

Bear in mind as well that if you end up having a c section you're not allowed to drive for six weeks. Also, you may still be sore from stitches if you have any (4hr round trip sitting in a car?!). And as a PP said, your baby might actually only be three weeks old if you go overdue in which case you def won't be up to going. Definitely play this one by ear!

Realistically, it’s just a hen. I’d give it a miss. If you even have a baby who will take a bottle and have no other issues, given a few free hours all I would have wanted to do was sleep! If you go to 42 weeks, you would only have a 3 week old. That would be too soon for a night out (or lunch out) for me. I’d give it a pass. You’ll be in a very different headspace that everyone else. Make plans for a quiet lunch out with the bride closer to home another time.