the difference between encouraging and pushing...

[time4tea]

my DS (3 years, 3 months) has been using the potty for wees a couple of times a day, but not regularly, and says that he doesn't want to wear pants, he wants to wear his nappy, and he wants to poo in his nappy. his nursery (where he is 2 days per week) is keen for him to get out of nappies. He is the last in his class to wear a nappy, but doesn't seem bothered by this.
I give a sticker for each time he uses the potty, and have been relaxed about him not wanting to wear pants, letting him do as he wishes. DS 2 was born 4 months ago, it seemed to be a bad time to try to progress potty training with a new baby in the house, in terms of my time and nerves, as well as adding to an already very new and challenging situation for DS1. However, should I try to speed things up a bit - going nappy-free for a few days, for example? what if he says he doesn't want to wear pants still?

I;m really concerned about being pushy and causing some complexes about the toilet, esp with new baby in the house.

From my own experiences with two dd's I learnt to not push a child into coming out of nappies and into pants/knickers etc.

I had a pretty stressful time getting dd2 dry. Each time she wanted a poo she asked for a nappy and would go into a frenzy over it.

I made the decision to simply not use nappies any more - I stuck to it and let her go around either with nothing on (around the house/garden) or when we went out I told her that all her friends wore knickers and she wouldn't want to be the odd one out etc.

I discovered that if I was as chilled out as possible with her she eventually, and slowly, came round to the idea of using the loo/potty - in fact she bypassed the potty and went straight for the loo (with a step and seat insert) and because she did it all her own speed (slow!) she managed it and adapted ok.

I did get stressed out about it and she picked up on this which made the whole situation even harder.

With a new baby for you too it must be hard. If he doesn't want to wear pants - leave them off! It's a hurdle to get them out of nappies let alone get them into pants/knickers. He'll soon realise you have to wear pants, especially at playgroup.

We had loads and loads of accidents. But given time we got there. Do lots of rewards for when he does a wee/poo on potty/loo - we stuck stickers on her loo seat for her which she thought was great (not easy to get off though!) and generally made a big fuss of her when she did a wee/poo etc and completely ignored the accidents/tantrums etc. I learnt to just walk away!

I'm going through this at the mo, DS is 3 yrs 5 mtha and I am due with second baby in about a month. DS will happily wear pants and joggers since the first day when he had a major strop, I put them all away barring night nappies (we use cloth so I'm storing them for next baby) BUT he refuses to use the toilet or potty and just wees/poos on the floor through his pants/joggers.

Afterwards, I ask him where should the wee etc. go and he says in the potty/toilet but he flat refuses to use them before he needs to go AARGGGHHHHH!

On the up side he has amazing bladder control and can go 4 hrs without wetting himself some days!

So much sympathy and I'm going to be following this thread with interest.

great to hear from you - thanks

I'm starting today in earnest, no nappy. had a pep-talk in the bath about how clever he is at doing some wees in the potty, and all the other things (non toilet related) that he has learned to do.

got some Kandoo bum-wipes for him to use after potty... as well as a variety of stickers, plus a special treat of small insect toys (from a garden centre's children's section!) if a poo is in the potty...

trying to feel relaxed about it

thanks again for the tip

Oh yea I forgot to mention that we also did the kandoo wipes and the kandoo frog soap in the dispenser - great way to encourage them to wash their hands and to tempt them into the bathroom in the first place!!

There's no doubt about it in my mind that potty training has to be one of the hardest tasks a parent has to endure. When I was potty trg my youngest dd I gained loads of helpful advice from MNetters - and found there were loads of people in the same boat as me and in fact in far worse situations - ie children a lot older than mine etc.

not going too bad - the proposal of 'presents' in exchange for wearing pants got good cooperation yesterday. today there was a blip where he was a bit upset and then said he wanted his nappy. i tried to ride it out by praising potty progress so far... got through the first outing too, going with a special friend made him quite enthusiastic and its all passed off well...

had a waver myself when he kept saying 'but I just want my nappy...' but this seemed to be a temporary thing...