Over-reacting?

[KitKatSplat]

Hi All,

I'm generally a very calm person, very hard to make aggravated, don't do outward displays of anger, etc (I'm a great internalize, for better or for worse.) My husband is more vocal. To be clear, he's never been violent, but he doesn't have a lot of patience. My husband also struggles with the lack of logicality (is that actually a word?) in infants, in that he kinda expects them to think and function like a grown-up would, despite me telling him repeatedly that their brains are still developing.

Enter, our one year old. She's quite a fussy eater. This morning, she refused her breakfast, and my husband became very aggravated, getting up from the table, and shouting frustration into the kitchen, before kicking a ball aside and storming out. It definitely spooked our daughter.

As I said above, I'm not a quick-to-rage kinda person, so this behavior is alien to me. My husband says he's blowing off steam in a healthy way. I don't believe he would ever lash out at our daughter, but it upsets me to think that she might ever find his shouting scary, in any way. My father wasn't like that (again, an internalizing guy, for better or for worse.) But is this "normal" for many folks? Am I over-reacting?

This is not normal in my experience. It will scare you child. Tbh if he is struggling because DD does not want berakfast one morning which is not big deal then he is not going to be able to deal with toddler years very well.

No it's not normal to let a 1 year old wind you up that much you have to kick something!

And in time (probably not too long either) she will DEFINITELY learn to be frightened of Daddy and his shouting.

I would try to sit him down outside of a 'situation' when you are both calm and try to talk about it. Perhaps ask him why he gets so angry - try to explain to him what you understand about development and normal baby / toddler behaviour. Ask him to be more tolerant and understanding. Tell him it's not about him - it's not a baby 'being defiant' or 'not doing what they're told' or whatever he sees it as. Tell him it's about growing up and understanding the world and how it's our jobs as parents to let that happen in a calm and safe environment.

Perhaps ask if he'd attend parenting classes or would be willing to do some reading around children's development to help him understand what to expect so he's less likely to get angry.

Does he expect the same level of 'good behaviours' from you?? Does he get shouty angry with you if you did something he didn't agree with??

Not normal to react that extremely no. If he can’t handle a one year old how on earth is he going to manage toddler years? The aggressive kicking of a ball would worry me a lot.

Of course we all get frustrated when our children are being utter pains, but you have to learn to internalise it (and go and have a scream at the bottom of the garden when they’re asleep).

I would be suggesting anger management as a necessity to him staying in the family home. Aggression like that around my baby would not go down well at all.

That’s not normal. I had a father like that. It was misery tiptoeing around to not let him off. Thankfully, my mum left him when I was 8 and that probably saved me from the long term damage of growing up living with him.

Do we all get upset and storm around and shout occasionally? Yes, of course. Everyone has a bad day from time to time. A baby not eating their breakfast is not one of those times.