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Help! Nightmare in laws driving me crazy

6 replies

KLM1806 · 05/11/2018 09:33

Hi guys! So I’m new to this but I’m just at my wits end now and don’t know what to do. I got on pretty well with my in laws before becoming pregnant but as soon as I became pregnant the MIL became completely over bearing. My partner is in the forces so wasn’t present for many scans and she would just invite herself/ turn up so my mam never got to come with me unless I kept the scan a secret! We then paid for a gender scan as OH managed to get 2 days home so we went to window to the womb and invited both of our mams. Partner then got called back to work so we had to change the day it just so happened that MIL was away on the day we booked it for. She then began to cry, shout and insist to my OH that I hated her and was trying o cut her out of the babies life. Which was not the case at all, we simply wanted to find out the gender together. I had a pretty bad labour and ended up rushed into theatre. When I had her I was in critical care recovering but was in to much pain to be able to get out of bed so needed my baby to be passed to me. The in laws then decided to visit (despite being told not to as visitors aren’t allowed so soon in critical care). My partner then had to leave me to go and pick them up as they refused to pay for parking at the hospital. When we finally got home after 3 days we got home late afternoon and then by the next day my OH was insisting on taking her to their house as they would not stop ringing and texting him asking him to bring her over but they weren’t coming to our house as “it was awkward” and they were “too busy”!! Anyways 4.5 month on and I’m raising my daughter on my own due to my OH being deployed when she was 5 weeks old. They have done nothing to help me. They text constantly asking me to bring her over yet never offer to come here to see her, or even come pick her up and take her to their house. I offered them to pick her up from nursery 3 days a week due to them wanting to see her so much I thought they’d be glad of the offer but she refused saying she “didn’t want to go out when the weather got cold” (she’s in her 40’s). So now we have an arrangement where I drop her off at their house on a Thursday, there’s never a set time it’s just when she texts me to come over and then I have to also pick her up. Yet now she thinks she’s entitled to know everything and for me to text her every aspect of my child’s life. I know it’s becuse she cares but it’s completely over bearing. Referred to me and my OH as “kids having kids” we are 22 because I told her not to leave my DD to cry. On Saturday texted me an awful message after she asked if my DD had a poo saying I should be informing her if there’s things, that I should think to tell her to save her from worrying instead of leaving her worrying all night. Just because when she had her on Thursday she never had a poo! I am completely fed up. I have enough to do with raising my dd on my own, at uni and also back at work. I have 100 more important things to do and think about than texting her constantly and that I have enough on my plate without her making it worse! Any advice on how to approach this without causing a huge argument?confused sad

OP posts:
spotsoddsocks · 05/11/2018 09:44

Stop dropping DD to their house and stop replying to texts it's that simple. If they where that desperate to be a part of your daughters life they would come to your house to see her.
No respectful relationship with the parent no relationship with the child. "No" is a complete answer as well. If they ask you to bring her down say no.

Santaisgettingbusy · 05/11/2018 09:49

Ignore the messages. Not like she will pop over from what you describe.
Send dh photos, if he wants to share them with her let him. Not your job.
And stop with the unsupervised visits.
Or before long she wil be expecting overnights etc.
You really don't need to accept their behaviour.

KLM1806 · 05/11/2018 09:53

Thank you! It’s jaut hard as I feel guilty due to the fact OH is in military and is away all of the time. Otherwise I’d of had enough long ago and I’d not speak to them and he’d have to be the one to take her etc. Just working myself so much over this haha! Think I just need to get brave! Thank you both for replying x

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Ragwort · 05/11/2018 10:02

You sound totally over invested in your relationship with your DMIL, you need to seriously back off or this will only get a lot worse.

averythinline · 05/11/2018 10:04

Yes you need to get brave! sounds like you have quite enough on ....
just stop .... maybe think about what would work for you as an ongoing relationship with them..and suggest that
if your dp is going to be away a lot then what you say goes...... you dont have to make up for him

beyondthesky · 05/11/2018 10:05

Sounds like my exPILs.

Nothing you can do now about their behaviour while you were pregnant and following there birth, but one thing stood out for me. You said that even though visitors were not allowed your husband still left you to go and collect them.

That is a big problem right there. He should have either ignored them completely or stood up to them. It is his job to sort that out not yours. Is he completely on your side in all of this. Your needs and the needs of your child should be paramount and he needs to make that clear to them.

I second that you stop taking them over as well. Stop dancing to their tune. Sounds like they sit at home and dish out orders without making any effort whatsoever.

I know your DH is away so you have to have some contact on his absence but they need to know they are not your priority.

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