Meltdowns over tablet

[PerverseConverse]

My 9 year old daughter has a kindle. She's allowed an hour a day which will be increased once she starts improving her behaviour and doing her chores (clearing the table with her system after dinner and loading the dishwasher and keeping her room relatively tidy).
If she is disobedient or disrespectful she loses time on the tablet.
This causes horrendous meltdowns. She doesn't have autism or anything else to explain the reaction. She doesn't play fortnite or similar, just minecraft.
She is currently screaming the house down because I've taken it off her because she's been physically fighting with and screaming at her siblings. Her older sister has wound her up but the reaction is totally OTT.
I've tried using the tablet as a reward rather than a right but doesn't change things.

She doesn't react like this if anything else is taken away from her, just the tablet.

Any suggestions of how to handle this very much appreciated!

Ditch the tablet until she can handle the time limits. She doesn’t need the tablet.

We've had periods with 6yo DS1 where we've taken it away and hidden it for months on end. He's much better mood-wise when he doesn't have it.

No advice really, just some kids are affected by screentime more than others.

Maybe reward her with time for good behaviour rather than negatively deduct it.

No more tablet. Easy solved.

@LIZS I've already tried that. Makes no difference.

I think she's not mature enough to handle time limits on it. It causes so many problems that it ends up being taken away for weeks at a time.

When DS got like this we removed all technology for 6 weeks. He got it back initially for very short agreed spells of time and was told if there was any fuss about sticking to the time limits it would be gone for good.

For this reason, our iPad has been 'missing' since summer 2015.

No tablet at all and explain that the tablet is a privelidge, as long as she is behaving badly, she doesn’t get the privelidge. When she’s behaving well she can have the privelidge back but she loses it when she behaves badly again.

Make sure she has access to plenty of other things to do in the meantime. Don’t just suggest things (of course she’ll say no...), actively encourage her to do other things by getting involved. I personally don’t think giving time limits on tablets/TV actually works for young ones, I think the key is to make sure there’s lots of other stuff about to hold their attention so they regulate the time by themselves.

Ok I need to be stricter. My friends think I'm really strict as it is with only allowing an hour!
She gets an hour and when I tell her to come off as it's even an hour (usually about ten minutes more) she gets really stroppy and says she's not had an hour.

At dad's they have much more time on games and seem to spend most of their weekends there playing on devices/PlayStation/Xbox. We don't have any consoles.

Give the tablet for homework only if you don't have a family computer. A lot of holiday projects need research first.

She spends most of her time here drawing or colouring or engaged in role play with her sister.
Today I'd said we bake biscuits and go to the garden centre to buy bulbs and plants that they can plant with me. Two activities they all love and were excited about. Then all hell broke loose because of the tablet 

www.laptopmag.com/articles/how-to-set-parental-controls-on-the-kindle-fire-hd

You can set limits on the kindle - see above

You can do this with iPads as well so you don't physically have to take it away

Does she know how long an hour is and can she tell the time OP? Also, do you tell her why She’s only allowed an hour? I always find things easier if I tell them why I’ve set the rule. There’s usually a bit of a discussion about it and I stick to my guns but i think I don’t seem so unfair when they know the reason.

Would using the inbuilt time limit on the tablet be an option?

My DD's a few years younger than yours, and has had a kindle for a couple of years. If I take it off her after an hour she's a nightmare. If a message flashes up saying 'time's up!' she happily goes to find something else to do. I suspect it helps because it's not me directly ending tablet time, so she doesn't feel like I'm taking something away from her, so there's nothing for her to rail against.

@GreenTulips thanks, I can't seem to get the limit on minecraft though. There's an hours limit on her kindle but if she's on minecraft it allows her to play indefinitely. Maybe I need to uninstall and then reinstall it?

Yes she knows why it's an hour only.

Just stuck at it OP. ‘Nope, today we’re doing XYZ, if you’ve been well behaved with no meltdowns and have been nice to everybody, you’ll be allowed to have the tablet for an hour later.’ Then walk away.

I confess, I’m mean. Like you, I don’t allow consoles and I haven’t let DD have Minecraft because I don’t understand it or how it works in relation to the internet. I have noticed we have less behavioural problems around the iPad than children we know that play games such as Minecraft and/or have games consoles. It’s interesting.

@MamaLovesMango very true. I'm in a Facebook group for my year 7 child's school and lots of parents complain about homework in terms of they can't get their child off the console to get them to do homework. For me it would be a case of no console until the homework is done 🤷🏼‍♀️ I have concerns around privacy and the internet so don't allow them to play games where they are online with others. They do understand my reasoning on that. I won't allow them a YouTube channel so I'm the worst mum ever  and they are only allowed to watch things on YouTube that we watch together.
She is 10 next month so I think I'll give her the opportunity to show some suitable behaviour between now and then and reward her with her tablet if she stops being so vile to everyone. But it will be in small increments of time that will increase as her behaviour improves and stays improved.

Take it away from her for a prolonged amount of time. She obviously is not mature enough to cope with it being regulated; that’s not a criticism of her, she just does not have the control yet to handle it.

You can explain it to her, be as open as you can be. Tell her that she’s just not ready for it as having it seems to make her so upset.

I have two DCs. One was fine with limits, the other was not. Only solution was to remove the Kindle completely. It worked as he’s now a bit older and can be regulated. He just could not cope when younger.

I've told her. Her response: "what kind of mother are you." Not a question but code for I hate you. That's fine, I'm not here to be her friend, I'm here to be her mother. We've had so many discussions and warnings and removals of this kindle and she persists so it's gone until she shows an improvement.

Mine tried to pull that shit. Once.
The iPad went on top of the kitchen cabinets for over a month. In full view but where she couldn't get to it. The good behaviour lasted months but when I caught her after bedtime with it hidden under the covers (first and only time she ever did that - I usually put it away at night) she lost it again for another month. I've told her the next time she disobeys me when it comes to tech, I'll flog it on Facebook and she'll be on a full tech ban. Not even tv.

She has learned her lesson. Tantrums and kicking off about things like that are not tolerated in this house and I would sell it or give it away immediately.

I’m sorry Perverse but that would’ve made me howl with laughter

Maybe only let her go on the tablet for an hour before bed ? Then she has something to work towards all day with behaviour

@namechange9681 the hour before bed is family time and bath/shower time. We usually sit and watch something together and then read together. Last night we watched a programme on the Tower of London and even my 3 year old sat entranced which is very unusual. Or maybe he just hates GBBO 🤷🏼‍♀️ as he normally causes chaos if we try to watch that. We all love that hour and all advice is not to let them on devices close to bedtime. She struggles to switch off and sleep as it is but has half an hour to read in bed before lights out.