I’m getting it wrong

[Whatcouldpossiblygowrong]

Just fed up of feeling useless and that I’m always, always getting it wrong with my son.
We are awaiting asd assessment (which I don’t think he will qualify for diagnosis as he’s thriving at schools and is v bright and sociable), however his struggles with emotional regulation, stubbornness, defiance, anxiety, need for control, ins tense and hyper energy etc etc are exhausting me. I just cried my eyes out for the 3rd day in a row where the morning has “gone wrong” and ended up with him screaming and yelling and crying. I just feel like I’m letting him down cos I can’t work out what else to do. We’ve tried everything I can think of. My other son is a compliant, sweet little boy and yet my eldest seems so troubled and anxious and angry. I just don’t know how to help him. Previously some one on one attention on something he was interested in was a quick fix to repair and get things back on track but nothing is working. I don’t know how to get him to relax and be happy

It sounds like you’re having a tough time. Have you thought about the possibility of ADHD?

Do you know when you’re going to get the assessment? One thing that might help you to cope is The Explosive Child.

You haven’t said how old he is but do you think that introducing some sort of short meditation could help?

Does he get much exercise? This is another recognised way to help people with ADHD.

Thanks for your reply.
He likes meditation cd we bought but only in the evenings
There are definite aspects of adhd type behaviour going on- but he can sit still and be utterly absorbed in something. He can give something his total attention and time and focus- if it’s on his terms

The assessment is next week. He’s 8.
I just wish I knew what was going on in his head a bit more- it’s so hard to work out why he gets so worked up.

Sitting and focusing on something he enjoys is a sign of ADHD though surely OP? I don’t like Forum diagnosis but just wanted to suggest that it might be worth asking about when you see the Paediatrician

Sounds like my 5 year old.
Awaiting referrals...

I don't want her labelled but equally need some help managing her behaviour which is not normal
Again DC2 is laid back and so easy in comparison

I don’t know. I’ve worked with a lot of children with SEND- so I think his behaviour swings between aspects of ADHD and aspects of ASD (eg talking ‘at’ us, linings his cars up) other times he just seems like a little genius stuck in a kids body. An easier morning today thankfully. It’s annoying that they can’t do an assessment for multiple behaviours/ disorder diagnosis at the same time isn’t it? Especially as so many things overlap- eg I wouldn’t be surprised if it’s a bit of this and a bit of that in terms of how his brain is wired, plus personality, plus social learning