Girls in my daughter's class won't play with her..

[Techsavygal]

Hi, My 5 year old daughter always keeps complaining to us that other girls in her class won't play with her. She says that they have their own friends and only they play with each other. When she tries to mingle with them, they don't talk to her and say that "she is rude" ..I have invited many of her class mates for play dates to my house and they do mingle and play nicely with my daughter (followed by yummy home-made snacks too) at home. But once they are back in school, they don't let her play with them. I found it quiet surprising that these children (who are just 5) won't even bother to acknowledge my daughter or me when we are with their parents in school events. Is this strange or am I expecting too much???

Am surprised this is happening at such a young age. I would have a quiet word with their teacher as soon as you can. Tell her your concerns and ask if she can help improve your daughter's relationship with the other girls. Carry on with the play dates. If nothing improves by Christmas then ask whether she can be moved into a different class next academic year. Hopefully that will not be necessary.

Thanks Blessthekids, I am surprised too. Ofcourse, i did notice that my daughter goes quiet when her friends are over. I did'nt think that would be a problem..I don't understand why she is ..as she has been in the same class as these girls for last one year.

Definitely worth talking to the teacher. It may not be the case with your DD but sometimes, when young children say people won't play with them, actually mean that other children won't play what they want to play.

It's quite unusual for her classmates to call her rude for no reason when they are 5 years old as it is a very specific retort. Has something happened in the past that has discouraged the girls from playing with her?
I would actively encourage her to form new relationships with other children (boys and girls) within the class who will actually WANT to socialise with her.

Thanks 1attendDD, I don't recall anything specific happened earlier. My daughter is a shy girl and quiet girl at school. But she is bright and attentive and only started in this school from last year.

We've had it with DD2 at the same age - just cliquey parents who run playdates and parties and everything among their group so the kids have formed a very tight group as well, and a bad combination of personalities in the cohort.

In the end I got quite cross with school letting it continue for a whole year and they've put things in place like social skills groups; having her targeted as one of the kids on the playground to be kept an eye on and helped join into a game with an adult starting a game and then stepping back out of it if needed and a general push on behaving like a good friend in the class.

It's starting to show results - it was only ever a situation (apart from a couple of kids whose parents really have set against a lot in the school and won't let their kids play with them) that needed a little bit of gentle prompting to resolve at that age, but because DD2 seems quite self reliant and would go off and find something else to do after being snubbed and then tell me how sad she was actually feeling later on in the day, I did have to push school that yes, this IS an ongoing issue and it's one that could easily be sorted out now, or become a bullying problem later on that was much harder to resolve.