What level of 'meanness' should i tolerate?

[pollyname]

What level of meanness between children would you tolerate? Generally I'm in the 'kids will be kids' camp with DS3 and his friends who get along 90% of the time, with the rest of the time just giving a gentle reminder on being a good friend (listen to your friend, it looks like he doesn't like be chased etc).

One of my good friends has a DD age 5 who pretty consistently says mean things to DS - he sounds like a baby, he has babies toys, look i'm better than him at 'x', screaming if he plays with anything of hers, you can't do this etc. He has other older friends who've never acted like this.

My friend ignores it and my DS is now waking up crying throughout the night after seeing them. I've always watched her DD for a few days over the school holidays and I really don't think I can do it anymore. Am I being overly sensitive, or am I right in thinking this is too mean?

If he is waking throughout the night crying I think you need to do something. He could tell her to stop being mean or he can't play with her anymore. Tell him to walk away if she continues. If she does it in front of you, you could gently remind her that it is mean to say these things and it is not nice to treat people like that. At 5 she is possibly testing the boundaries.