Best book re discipline?

[Goostacean]

I have concluded that I am a soft touch, and with DS now 9mo we’re starting to have a few things coming up re discipline and behaviour, and DH and I are starting to disagree on tactics.

I don’t want to be soft! I want to have a well-behaved, respectful, empathetic little boy, for his own benefit as well as those around him. I know that will require discipline and boundaries.

Can anyone recommend some/a good book(s) on parenting and how to get this part right?! I prefer to be armed with tactics prior to situations arising!

From what you've said I wonder if you might find the Aha parenting website useful. www.ahaparenting.com/index.htm

No bad kids by Janet Lansbury

Anything by Sarah Ockwell Smith or No Drama Discipline by Dan Siegel.

I quite like Supernanny (Jo Frost).

I really rate "123 magic" by Thomas Phelan, specifically for discipline and "raising happy children" by Jan Parker and Jan stimpson as a more general parenting book.

The Gentle Discipline book by Sarah Ockwell Smith. It’s very common sense based and factors in normal child development.

Also 9mo? Discipline and behaviour? You do mean you’re disagreeing now about what’s to come and not actually about disciplining a baby, right?

The Incredible Years, Carolyn Webster-Stratton. Evidence based, v readable, loads of strategies, full of love.

Well that’s the thing @MissMalice. I’ve started thinking about it because baby has started some behaviours that I consider a normal if annoying developmental stage, but DH considers that he’s old enough to understand basic cause and effect associations so we should be able to get him to stop by reacting in an appropriately negative way. And we’ve been differing in what that is (or whether we should even be doing it), but I’ve no good approaches or even any real understanding of how all this stuff develops.

I wouldn’t call it “discipline”, but I’m aware that within the next probably 9-12months DS will be learning “we don’t hit/bite/kick” etc, and I want to do that effectively from the start as much as possible.

Thanks for all your suggestions everyone!

@Mesmeri I used to love the show! Although I watched it as a teen so I might have a different view if I watched it now. She was so good with sleep, especially...

We found 123 Magic very useful too, think it's aimed at 2-12 years. It has bits on positive encouragement as well as consequences, worked well for us.

Your dh might benefit from dialing down his expectations of infant cognition a little bit.

^ I have made this point, repeatedly... But still, it’s a longer term issue and I want to arm myself with the facts and suitable tactics 👍🏻

Positive Discipline by Jane Nelson. It's genius. And it really works if you are a 'soft touch' personality as it avoids all conflict whilst getting the desired outcome.

Thanks! I didn’t use to be like this, but that child just melts my heart constantly- and I know it’s not helpful for either of us long term 😂

It is. Look at “Why Love Matters” by Sue Gerhardt.

It's very helpful!! If you want to raise a loving, empathetic and respectful child then they need to receive a whole lot of love, empathy and respect from you and your DH

Haha, okay, yes, point taken. I’m also aware that our parents’ generation smacked and that’s not something we want to do, ever, if we can possibly avoid it. (In fact DH has never even raised his voice in the seven-odd years we’ve been together.) OBVIOUSLY it’s never even crossed my mind with my tiny one, but he’ll be getting less tiny and more aggravating, I’m sure. 😂 Just want to make sure we do the right thing by him ❤️

Smacking is completely ineffective anyway.
You’ve had some great book suggestions here and have plenty of time to read them. Several of them are backed by neuroscience.
Many traditional parenting techniques just produce children who are afraid of being bad rather than who actually want to be good. It’s a subtle but important difference to me (and has a huge impact on their mental wellbeing!)
Good luck.

The best behaved children I know are the ones whose parents don’t smack or ‘time out’ or give punishments as opposed to natural or logical consequences. They generally deal with undesirable behaviour calmly rather than shouting too. Conversely the few kids I’d be a lot less keen on my child being around are all either a) given no guidance or direction at all or b) shouted at/smacked/punished or threatened with arbitrary punishments.