Small age gaps between kids? Advice please.

[MommyD]

Mumsnetters - I am 35 and have two sons with a 14 month age gap between them. I would not have had it any other way as I became broody for #2 about and hour after #1 born and fell pregnant a week after stopping b/f. ds2 has just turned 1 and we would like to start trying for a third (and final) baby.
Anyone with any tips re: coping with three aged three and under? Anything I should know in advance???

Have a look at this thread - HTH

I've got 19 months between my first two and I'll have 21 months between second and third (third on it's way). Personally I prefer it that way - it's hard work but you get all the pregnancy and birth over with and your kids should, hopefully, be closer. It will be easier, won't it, to find things to do that suit them all as they are growing up, you'll sooner be able to take them all out to restaurants, you'll sooner be over nappies...the list goes on. I can't imagine having a big gap - getting over nappies etc and having one child almost independent then starting again with a baby. I suppose your older one is then at school so maybe looking after the baby is easier but I think about things like holidays and how much easier it will be when you go to a villa and they can all swim or you can go to a restaurant and they all eat 'normal' food.

I'm sure there are pros and cons to both but I'm a short gap fan!!!

One thing I didn't consider, that has just been brought home to me this week, is the sheer stress of waiting for A level results for one child & GCSE for another AT THE SAME TIME!! Similarly actually TAKING the exams.

I very stupidly had 4 children, with 18 months between the first 2 (Feb & Sept, so 2 school years) & 2 years between 2 & 3 and between 3 & 4. That means I will have this all to go through again in 2 years time when DS1 takes A levels & DS2 takes GCSE, and 2 years after that...

It may seem like a long way off but it comes around really fast.

Also DD was 3 when DS2 was born & they have always fought. My mother helpfully told me that a 3 year gap was the worst possible for the older child (though I'm sure many MNetters would disagree). DD gets on fine with DS1 & Ds3, so there could be something in this..

This is a bit off the thread - sorry - but personally don't believe that the age gap is the key element in making children close in later life. I think it's more personalities and how they mesh. I know older kids with less than a year between them who fight non-stop, and recently read about the cricketer (Hollioak???) talking about his brother who was something like seven or eight years younger, and they could not possibly have been closer as adults. That's not an argument for or against small gaps, btw, just that personally I think the idea that just because kids are similar ages they will be friends, and a bigger age gap means they won't, is nonsense. My friend just brought round her nearly four year old and her one year old (both boys) and they absolutely adore each other.
MommyD, I'm sure all your children will be fantastic!

Hear, hear, Aloha! I get a bit fed up of people assuming that because there are big gaps between my children (4.5yrs 8yrs, 9yrs) they aren't close. Dd1 is always talking to ds1 and he can talk sense into her when dh and I have failed, despite the 12yrs between them, while dd2 has lots of input from her older siblings and their friends. I guess my views are coloured because I adored my much older bro and sis, while loathed the bro who was only two years younger than me.

Suedonim and Aloha - sorry, no offence intended re closeness. Of course there is no guarantee whatever the gap that children will be 'close' - I guess I'm just going off my own experience as my brothers and I are only 2 years apart (between each iykwim) and very close. This is probably one (but just one) of the reasons I had mine close together - I had such a happy childhood that I'm probably trying to re-invent that for my kids.

MommyD was just looking for tips/advice about having 3 close together and I was just pointing out that my experience of that is positive - I can't comment on bigger gaps but I know you are right, big gap siblings can obviously be as close as those with small gaps.

Sorry, I'm rambling but just wanted to make sure I hadn't caused offence as this wasn't my intention.

I guess what Mommy D needs to know is that whatever the gap there will be pros and cons and difficult issues that just differ according not only to the gap, but to your individual family too.

In short though - if you want them close together, go for it. Whatever you feel works for you.

Skate