Sibling age gaps

[crappyday2018]

I have 2 boys of 11 and 5. I'm finding it more and more difficult (especially as a single mother) to find things to do with them that they both like.
The cinema is one of the few things I can take them both to now and we do that fairly regularly. However DS1 is too old for soft play and DS2 is too young/small for some things DS1 enjoys.
Does anyone have any ideas or tips to overcome this?
I find that even having a day at home involved arguments over the xbox or ipad!

It's a big age gap . I wish I knew the answer - mine were girl/boy and a 5 year gap, I tore my hair out with them at times.

@Birdie69 its a nightmare at times. Even going to the park turns into a fiasco as they want to go to separate areas.
Today will consist of separate baking activities.
I'm hoping things will get easier when DS1 goes to senior school and can start to do things on his own with his friends. Its just a shame that family activities/days out are so difficult.

I have 3 kids and there's a similar gap from dc1 to dc3. They all like swimming (especially water parks for a bigger day out) and go ape style climbing.

We all go to the venue together but I will keep the youngest with me while the older 2 go off together some of the time though, or with DH if he's with us.

They only take the youngest if they want to, and not for example on 1 meter 59cm areas of the climbing course or age restricted water slides. I'm lucky that they consider him an amusing pet often enjoy doing stuff with him, but I don't think they should have to and it certainly shouldn't restrict them more than is unavoidable.

I can't think of a lot else aside from cinema (and sometimes the older 2 go into a different screen to watch a film and I take the youngest to something else running concurrently).

On holiday its usually no problem and we do things not specifically for children but for the whole family - castle ruins, boat trips, museums, beaches, swimming, meals etc

*1 meter 50 not 59

Crappy at 11 your DS isnt too young to go to a separate play area in the park while you stay with your 5 year old, as long as they're not miles apart.

Could you take along a friend each? I used to often take a friend along for dc1 when she was 10 or 11 - at that age her 2 little brothers were happy together and she had grown up faster than dc2 who was still quite young for 8 or and happy to play with dc3.

@blueskiesandforests yes I quite often take a friend of DS1 along and he often has friends over at the house. DS2 tends to 'get on their nerves though . DS2 is still a bit young to have friends over as he's only just started reception. Hopefully when he has closer friendships that will help!

You do owe it to dc1 to keepdc2 away when dv1 has friends over - I've had years of doing that as my parents seemwd to think I was obliged to let my younger sister join in with my sleepovers and tag along with my friends and I and it utterly sucked the joy out of having friends over she was smirky about it though

Out of the house it makes it easier to have a friend for the eldest as they can go to the older play area or whatever together. In the house it means that you have to keep the little one with you.

I didn't find 5 too young to have friends over, mine have all had drop off play dates since they were 3. It's worth a try.

@blueskiesandforests I generally do keep DS2 away when DS1 has his friends over (as best I can).
Sorry I didn't phrase that right, I don't think DS2 is too young for play dates but I don't know any of the parents well enough yet to invite them over - he;s just starting to form friendships at school. He did have a party yesterday though so thats a good start.

Ah. How did the party go?

It will get easier, but with such a big gap they'll always have fairly seperate interests and lives. Bringing a friend each along and allowing dc1 to go off to one area while you stay with dc2 + friend or just dc2 will probably be the best solution long term. It's what works for us.

I think 11 is easily old enough to let ds1 go off on his own with boundaries (so to the older play area in a park etc). Nothing magical happens upon starting secondary school, and children with August birthdays start at only just 11. Letting dc1 have gradually more freedom within boundaries will help him prepare for more freedom at secondary age. Children who go from being kept on a tight leash to suddenly having a lit of freedom tend to be the ones who get into trouble/ accidents.

Making dc1 stay with you and dc2 might be whats making things difficult, and will also make dc1 resent dc2 and not want, to be around him.

Thanks @blueskiesandforests you're right. It doesn't help that DS2 is still a handful at 5 so his behaviour does affect DS1.