End of my tether

[Pigeonpost]

I have reached the end of my tether with my children (aged 5 - 10) and at the moment I can't bear to be in the same room as them. We were supposed to be going out for a family night out last night but they were so moany, rude, selfish and otherwise generally bloody unpleasant that I spent most of the evening in tears.

They are fairly normal children, no SEN or anything, just a bit spoilt and entitled I think and I don't know how this happened. DH was equally as cross and disappointed with them yesterday but is now behaving normally with them. Whereas I don't even want to see them and have been hiding upstairs all day so far. None of them has felt the need to even try and apologise for their revolting behaviour.

I actually feel quite emotionally detached and still really upset. I was diagnosed with a chronic illness earlier this year and in a lot of pain and I think my mental health is now affected. I'm a SAHM who runs my own business and has several volunteering roles and my DH works away a lot. I feel burnt out and cold. I had a similar blow out at the kids a few weeks ago and we have spent a long drilling into them the need to be kind and respectful but it's just going in one ear and out the other. I just don't want to be near them at the moment, I was so tempted to just walk out last night and check into a Travelodge.

I don't know what to do. 

So sorry to hear that you're feeling so low. Try not to beat yourself up- we're parents but we're also human and we feel things. Do you have any support nearby to give you a day or two off? Sounds like you need to listen to yourself and have some timeout. A travelodge sounds perfect!
Good luck x

Do something for you. If you need to go to a hotel to de stress do it.

It sounds like you do an awful with your health condition; is it time to cut down on some of the voluntary stuff so you get more recharge to time?

Sounds like you want to sort out your DC attitude but you are going to need energy to do that

I only have a 3yo and a 1 yo but last week I spent one night in a hotel on my own.

The main thing I got out of it was that I put myself first for 24hrs. Ate what and when I wanted, went for a swim on my own, read a book, had a bath, and generally cared for myself.

I completely recommend it. I thought the sleep would be the best thing but it wasn’t it was that I was important and put first for a short time.

I am back and have more energy for them. It’s worth doing this IMO.

Take care xx

Sounds like you are having a very tough time right now.

Can you ditch the voluntary work - all of it - so that you have a bit more time to yourself and can refill your reserves of patience? Not that you should ever have to be patient when they are being brats, but that you want to be in control of the emotions they trigger in you.

When my DC are whiny and selfish, I always get them to imagine how they'd feel to be on the receiving end of it. Can you ask them how they'd feel if they'd planned a treat for you and you were just rude and entitled and dismissive of them? Make sure they answer the question.

Thank you all. We ended up sending them to the grandparents for a night so we could have a night out and some peace! I've been out at work all day today so that's helped too and DH sat and played a board game with them this evening whilst I did paperwork, made dinner, did the online shop and finalised some of my voluntary stuff. I definitely need to let some of that go but I'm trying to set up systems to pass bits on to others so hopefully I'll get there. Do feel much more relaxed this evening, probably because they are back to school tomorrow too!

DH and I ended up having a big talk about readdressing some of our strategies with them and we've got a few new approaches to try, bizarrely involving spending more time with them so fingers crossed...