DD9s anxiety issues and bedwetting

[Martind12]

Think i posted this in the wrong place so I’ve posted it in here instead. DD9 has started bedwetting recently. Until a month a go, she hadn’t wet the bed for years. DH has been going through some difficult health problems recently and is off work. I know this is causing her alot of anxiety and it seems obvious the bedwetting has stemmed from that. She wakes up wet most mornings and this only upsets her further. Me and DD were both getting really tired of the nightly sheet changing, she was never getting enough rest for school. So we decided that it would be best for her to wear pullups for the moment.
Last week however i caught her using one of DS2 dummies. She had a dummy until aged 6 ish - which was past when she should’ve done we know (not all the time just at night before bed). I didnt say anything at the time because tbh I didn’t know what i even wanted to say and she’s been using it everynight before bed as far as i can tell.
My poor baby is so anxious atm i dont know whether i am being mean denying her something thats obviously giving her comfort. I cant really see the harm as she isnt sleeping with it in and nobody else knows about it so she’s not going to be teased.
We are seeing the doctor about the bedwetting and have booked an appointment with a child psychologist for her anxiety. I dont want her to majorly regress but the pullups seem necessary and the dummy seems to be comforting her through this really horrible period. Am i doing the right thing here?

I would get her urine checked to ensure there isn't a physical cause for the bed wetting such as low grade infection.

Personally if she is sneaking a dummy to sooth herself I think she needs it. I would look into find her other "comforters" as well could be a special relaxed bedtime routine, new cuddly toy and listening to audio books.

Mostly I'd talk to her about different feelings and how it's good to talk about things that upset her and her worries. Perhaps make a "worry"
Catcher (like dream catcher).

Also work on your own stress about it as she's likely to pick up on your anxiety about her.

Wanting to "regress" a little when you're finding life hard is normal, I know I "want my Mum" when I'm very unwell.

We are going to the doctors monday and hopefully have the tests for UTIs or anything. Yeah I bought a book on worrying for us to read together and hopefully we can have some conversations off that. The worry-catcher sounds like a great idea. I don’t want her having to sneak around with the dummy. I’d rather if we are allowing her to have one that she knows she’s allowed because i think she could also be worrying about us finding out. We’ve been really open and honest with the pullups which i think has made it less embarrassing for her wearing them.

Bump

We are using this book with my DD age 8. I like it.

She may be 'regressing' because you are treating DH like a new baby because of his illness?
This is how the theory works. I could be wrong however about all this but some element of it might be true.
The context is that your family dynamic has changed. Your DH who was out of the house a lot, is now at home. You are now 'Mummy' to DH was well. So the eldest sibling (your DD) has been ousted and is turning back into a baby because she still needs you to be her Mummy. However, your behaviour may be saying you are much more a Mummy to DH at the minute. DD is trying to rival your DH for materal affection from you. She has to act like a baby because she wants you to Mummy her.
Your DD is not conscious of this nor is she doing it purposefully, she is doing it unconsciously.
If this were the case, the antidote is for you to re-balance the family dynamic by upping your Reasssurance and Individual Attention to your daughter as follows:
Reassurance with your presence devoted to her: Each day, try to spend 15 mins alone with your daughter - just playing a game, doing a jigsaw or watching her TV show with her. Something low key but just the two of you where you give all your attention to her. Or sit in beside her on the sofa with your arm around her even if others are in the room. Go back to reading her a story at bedtime or doing a bit of a jigsaw on a tray up in her room at her bedtime or similar. Do this consistently for a few weeks til she starts 'growing up' again.
Verbally reassure her of her important standing with you with daily statements like 'You are my special daughter no matter what'. Shower her with approval and special attention even little things like extra pats on the head or 'for my special girl' when you hand her something. Notice when all of you are together, how much attention you are giving to DH and is DD being 'ignored' or her presence is not commanding your attention because you are so worried about DH you are dancing attention on him.
Notice when you are worried and distracted and ignoring DD. But important not to judge yourself harshly either for doing that, because self criticism only leads you back inwards into a thought process and doesn't help you move forward in the real world.

Hi all,
She was checked by the doctor for a UTI but that was negative. Doctor believes it is likely stress related.Poor girl. She’s still wetting most nights but the night nappies are doing their job. She’s slightly embarrassed wearing them but is happier waking up to dry sheets. I’ve told her she can use the dummy if she feels she needs it. She didn’t realise i knew but said she is happier now she isn’t hiding it. We are working as a family on her worrying about dad, reassuring her he will get better (which he should) and that its not her fault etc.