2.5 year old hitting

[ExasperatedwithTerribleTwos]

Sorry I think this will be a long post as I don’t want to drip feed. Any help would be greatly appreciated; I’m at the end of my tether and just don’t know what to do about my 2 1/2 year old.

He’s being really aggressive and hitting and grabbing other children. I think it might escalate to kicking soon.

It’s literally everywhere we go; toddler groups, the park, play dates. I stop it most of the time but there’s always once or twice where I don’t get there in time.

To make it harder he now has a 3 week old brother. It was hard to stop him when pregnant but it’s even harder with a newborn in tow. Especially as I had a csection.

He’s had a lot of change recently- new baby, new bedroom, new bed. But this probably started a year or so ago (not as bad - very subtly at first) - long before I was even pregnant and the bed/bedroom move has been smooth and he loves them.

The HV suggested putting him in nursery, as he’s never been. DH and I are looking into this now. But I worry about this a) being another change and b) it’s not fair on the other children to introduce him. We could only afford to send him for 1 day / 2x 1/2 days a week.

Everyone says it’s a phase but it seems to be a bloody long one, and one which none of the other children we encounter seem to be going through. Sometimes I wish a child would hit him back so he knows how it feels!!

I reinforce the rules when we get somewhere and then I tell him off, make him apologise, time outs etc every time he does it, but he just doesn’t care. I honestly do discipline him and I can cope with his other terrible twos behaviour (tantrums etc) but I just don’t want him to hurt someone.

I don’t know what to do. I cry myself to sleep over it every night and barely leave the house. For ages I tried to carry on going out as before, but it’s getting too much now. I dread groups and can’t bring myself to take him to the park anymore. I don’t see any friends with DC because I don’t want to lose them and I don't make new friends because who wants to be friends with the Mum of the kid that’s hitting hers!

I’ve been where you are. It’s terrible. I still refer to it now as my son’s hardest time. He’s 3.5 now and a very sensitive sweet soul who never lashes out. Nursery call him a little soldier as when another child hits him he just ignores it! But I get that it’s annoying when people tell you it’s a phase. I had one very understanding friend who was used to children hitting as she worked with them so I spent a lot of time with her and her children. I would tell him off, she would and her children would to reinforce the message. He often listened to other children more than me!

I too avoided playgroups and soft play. He loved soft play though so I started taking him again and if he lashed out he went straight home. Ditto play dates. I found that worked best. You need to be strong though! Maybe a second chance but no third, fourth. Friends understand if you have to abandon them. It eventually worked but there’s no quick fix.

Incidentally my son also started nursery around this time and according to the staff never smacked there. I suppose they are very used to it.

My sister’s DS also hit other children and she claims it stopped when a bigger child hit him back. I never had this situation though so I don’t know if it works.

Hope you find a solution