Flexible working for your male partner?

[IsTheRainEverComingBack]

Can anyone talk to me about their male partner’s experiences of requesting - and ideally receiving - flexible working? We’re about to TTC, my company is great for flex (no set office hours, could do a 4 day week) but we’d probably try and get some flex for DP as well and he’d like to do that.

His job is one that theoretically lends itself well to flexibility so we can’t see any obvious complaints from his employers, except for the fact most organisations just aren’t geared up for men to request flexible hours, but I’m curious to know what others have found? The impression is that it’s mostly women who want flex, but there’s no reason men can’t have it as well. Mostly it seems to me that the reason fewer men work flexibly is because they think men don’t do that, or don’t want to ask.

Cheers

Hopeful bump?

I've never heard of any organisation that is happy with flexible working, to not give it for any reason, to any person, and I don't fully agree with your impression that it's mostly women who want flex.

Certainly at my employer there are lots of men who work flexibly, the problem will be the employer (and sometimes the culture in smaller units) rather than any male/female bias.

I'm afraid I haven't got any personal experience, but a friends husband works flexible hours - he does compressed hours so full time hours over 4 days. He has Friday off with the kids. It works really well for them and her DH loves spending the day with them. He didn't enjoy a couple of the baby classes he went to though as they were totally aimed at Mums. Hopefully this will start changing if more men choose to take some time at home?

I did suggest it to my husband but he didn't seem to think that his company would be open to the idea - although in reality I don't think he would enjoy it either. He finds it much easier going to work! I guess it depends on company culture, but also the willingness of your DH 😀 xx

Yes maybe it is more about the men, I think there’s still a lot of organisations that expect flexible working requests from women but not men though. I don’t know if anyone else is working flexibly at DPs work, certainly no one at his level at his office (national offices)

DH has one day WFH a week, so that he can do drop off and pick up. And I knew quite a few couples were both work a 4 day week. But in all cases, it's in companies where flexible working is the norm.

Yeh I think it is the companies, but I still think they’re likely to expect requests from women more than men. But there are men and women working flexibly at my company. Not sure how DPs will take it though, only one way to find out!

Does his company have others who have flexible working arrangements already?

My DH changed to a four day week when I returned from maternity leave last month (I also work four days). He only works for a small company but his job lends itself to working fewer days (working shorter hours each day would be trickier) and there was one person (male - not many women in the company) already doing a four day week. I think so much depends on the attitude of the company to flexible working as a whole, as well as the type of request and how it fits with the specific role.

MrNC worked a 4-day week in his last job. It was noticeable though that everyone in his unit of 50 worked flexibly, mostly part time, almost all had young kids, but the rest of the company had almost no part timers, so there were problems when his team was dissolved and he got new managers.
He now works full time for a small firm but manages 2 usually 3 days at home, partly because the commute is tough. He has to work hard and some overtime but it's settled into a good routine for all.

Dh has his turned down by previous company (he had a long commute and asked to work from home one day a week so he'd be less exhausted and be able to be home for breakfast and dinner plus dc bedtime one work day a week). They said no to his face saying it set a precedent. Dh pointed out he was the only employee with a toddler and twin babies and his distance from work was also different to everyone else. The letter had some corporate excuses but basically boss was a knob (also delayed paternity leave as twins were prem so Dh had to travel to work despite nearly losing twin 1 and a very rocky start in special care. They were making redundancies so used that to put fear into dh. I'd like to think that's unusual.

Now Dh has a new local job on more money with "agile" working so picks dc up from school and works from home 2 days a week. Great employer gets more than dh's set hours just by being supportive.

Legally they have to consider it for anyone - regardless of if they are a mum, dad or childfree. However, they do not have to grant it...merely consider it. If they agree is down to how it impacts on the business and the request itself. If you ask for something specific they are less likely to agree so e.g if you specifically request a Friday off whereas if you request a drop in one working day you are more likely for that to be granted. I think consider what you are requesting carefully before you do.

Yes that makes sense. The only people he can think of who work flexibly are ladies in administration jobs, no one at his seniority. But he’s in a team of two and the other person (his boss) is in an office at the other end of the country. We’re close to his office so working from home wouldn’t really change anything, and I work a lot from home already, we’d probably be asking for some adjustment in working hours, some earlier starts or finishes, depending on what I work out.

My husband works three days a week, term time only. He talked to his boss when we had our first and they agreed it. His boss changed roles a few year later and took him with her. A lot of people in his organisation work part time but I suspect he was one of the first men.
I work 4 days, I am one of the most senior people in my organisation to work part time.

We both sold it to our employers that wth notice we can be flexible. During busy times we can work full time, I check emails etc on my day off. Both employers have taken advantage of this.
We get a few double tales that my husband is part time. I have a kind response ‘I work in IT my husband is in education it makes financial sense’ or if i’m Less kind I point out that I didn’t choose to reproduce with a sexist wanker!!!
Good luck. Kxx

Just reread your post. I am really strict that working from home is not possibly with a baby around. It is not childcare. If I have to work from
Home and my toddler is home, I tend to work in the library or a cafe. Working from home makes the nursery/drop off easier.
I would make this very clear in your application to stop them thinking you are taking the piss.