Struggling mum of 3

[NakedMum33and3rd]

This is my 3rd DC. I have 3 DS ages 6, 4 and 3.5 weeks.
I feel like such a failure. My newborn only ever cries or feeds. He won't let me put him down and so I am struggling to get anything done. My 4 year old cant bare to hear him cry and really freaks out when I change his nappy.

Both the older boys are really feeling the fact that I can't be there for them like I was before. I feel so guilty. I keep crying. I wish my baby would let me put him down just for 5 minutes so that I could cuddle my boys. I don't really know what I am asking. I'm just a bit desperate.

You poor thing Op. it's so flipping hard when babies are so tiny and you feel life will never be the same. I too have a baby (now 5 months) that refuses to be out down and cries so hard sometimes it makes my eldest ears sting!
However, over the past couple of months things have slowly got better, baby will eventually go down.... but in the meantime could you wear baby whilst you power through this super tricky bit??
We've all been there and it does get better....
not much help I know but could so relate to your post. You are definitely not alone. Big hug X

My ds3 spent a lot of time in a sling and when old enough I used to put him in the bouncy chair and bounce it whilst either playing with the other ds or even cooking. I got quite adept at bouncing with one foot whilst stirring dinner! It is very tricky and I tried to work out a strategy for different circumstances then I knew I had a plan in mind to cope with the crying. I also used to find at times they all seemed to cry at once. I then decided I would sort out which was the quickest first so sometimes I would make lunch for ds1 and 2 whilst they all cried because I knew that once ds1 and ds2 were sat at the table I could feed ds3 in relative peace. Someone said to me that it is not about making life fair for them all in the moment but giving your attention to whoever needs it most and then hoping it would all work out in the long run. My ds are now 12, 10 and 8 and they all survived times when I had to give just one of them attention.

Could you also look at some support - someone to take the baby for a walk, make lunch, go out as a family etc so you could give the older 2 your attention.

It will get easier.....you are definitely not a failure

I've tried the sling but he really fights it. I have a stretchy but I will try my connecta tomorrow. I can't eat. I just feel sick all the time. I really want to enjoy this.

You will op.... 3 weeks in is nothing, give yourself a break. You sound anxious, have you got support?

Its so overwhelming with a new teeny person, for all of you. This super needy bit won't last forever but it doesn't mean it's easy at the time. Do you have a sling? Or a friend or family member who can bounce the baby for half an hour while you play with the older ones. Sometimes when it's all getting to much with mine we all climb into bed and read stories or put a programme on the I pad while I feed..so they all get that physical closeness. The sling really helps too. We walk to the park and baby usually nods off on the way. Hope things become more manageable soon xxx

A good tip is to jiggle whilst putting the sling on..can make a big difference 😊

I don't have much support. DH works long hours. I just didn't expect to feel as overwhelmed as I do. iPad and bed sounds good. I just want to cuddle them.

Have a chat with your health visitor. In my area is an organization called home start. Volunteers are paired with families to provide a help in hand. They can offer to help look after older children for a couple of hours to cleaning or just a listening ear

Just seen you're not eating. Can you talk to someone? GP/ HV...they can help so much! If you're feeling sick and hopeless there are some amazing services out there to help woth those feelings. You are not alone in this.

You're not a failure. I've just had ds4 and could have written your post a few weeks ago!

1. I know it's a Mumsnet cliche but you really need a sling. When tiny mine have never loved the sturdy ergo type, the Moby soft wraps have been my life savers - or the close caboo if you don't want the tying. It gives you hands free and saves you from endlessly trying to put them down to sleep. My elder DC's often even forget the baby is in there and ask where dc4 is, so at least they don't always feel it's all about the baby.

If slings really don't work, swings can be great for some babies - never for mine, but friends swear by them.

2 A spare pair of hands at the most stressful part of the day - and be really clear on what you'd like help with. For me this is currently right before dinner and then bathtime. If your DH can sort his work hours to be there, that's great. If not, can you get a family member? I have a friend's 16 year old come over for a few hours twice a week 4-7, she likes the extra cash, the kids love to play with her and I love that she can supervise homework/occupy older kids, stir the dinner while I bf or hold the baby while I get to spend time with older dcs. Usually she joins us for food, or if not will start on tidying.

1. It's easy to say,but this gets easier. I found with three that certain stages can get tricky and then just as you can't bear any more something clicks with one or more DCs and you can do it again. Be kind to yourself in the meantime!

Thank you for your lovely responses. I will talk to the health visitor about what is going on. I will persevere with the sling and see if it helps. X

I discovered ds3 liked up and down movement in the sling! This meant I would often do an exaggerated walk to settle him - I must have looked very odd but it worked!

Don't be so hard on yourself. A newborn is hard. Very hard.

A sling sounds like a good idea. Or walking. Is the baby happy in the pram? Take the kids to the park. Snuggle on the sofa with some tv and a blanket. Read stories.

You have to eat. You'll feel better if you have that energy.

You'll find a new normal.

The first bit is the hardest as tiny babies are so labour intensive. I say this with only two though and you have 3, so doing better than me!

Sling wise, ds 2 hated an upright position for the first few months. I had a baba sling so he could be reclining and I still had free hands. There will probably be a sling library near you where you can try different styles and facebook is good for cheap second hand ones.

My older one is very sensitive to loud noises, so I got him ear defenders that he can use when the baby cries.

As they are old enough for a proper conversation, can you explain that things are temporarily disrupted, but will go back to normal. And hey, isn't it great that you are allowed to watch extra tv right now?