Just wondering what's "normal"

[GoodOldFash]

I have an almost 1.5 year old boy.

I think I know the answer to my question, I've just come to see how other cope with the temperament of a toddler!

Even as a baby, he was always VERY sure of himself and what he wanted if that makes sense.

He throws huffs if we say no. Throws himself to the floor, screams.

He gets bored VERY quickly. Even a stint in the high chair at dinner time winds in him ending up bored

He's sometimes a good eater. But gets in a huff if we try to feed him. He wants to be independent and feed himself, it when he gets bored he throws food. Or if he thinks he will get a desssert, he throws his dinner. We don't give him a dessert if he's not eaten a good amount.

He gets very upset when he's dropped off at nursery.

It's like everything I do isn't right or good enough! When he's not having one of his tantrums, he's the happiest, funniest child.

Although he ONLY seems to throw tantrums with his parents. Grandparents and nursery always go on about how call and perfect he is!

Is anyone there? Is this typical one and a half year old behaviour?! Everyone else's seem perfect non-whingers!!!

Yep, that all sounds like normal 18mo behaviour. Sorry. There's a reason people say toddlers are hard work.

Although he ONLY seems to throw tantrums with his parents. Grandparents and nursery always go on about how call and perfect he is!

Your answer is in that sentence. Seriously, children learn very early on how to manupulate and who is responsive to it.

He throws huffs if we say no. Throws himself to the floor, screams.

How do you react to that?

He gets bored VERY quickly. Even a stint in the high chair at dinner time winds in him ending up bored

And what happens then?

The good news is it will get worse.

My 3YO is still as stubborn as an old mule. He doesn't throw the tantrums now but he knows his own mind and has no hesitation in venting his annoyance when you want him to do something he doesn't want to.

The best thing to do is ignore it. No cajoling, no bribing, no trying to sweet talk or convince them. I always say 'complaining won't change anything'. Even when inside I'm seething!!

He gets a very firm "no" if he won't calm down by calming telling him what he is doing is wrong. If we are at home and he continues we leave him to calm himself (as long he's in no danger of hurting himself). As I think a lot of it is an attention thing.

If we are out I would never let him continue and piss people off. I take him away from the situation.

If he starts throwing his food about, it's taken off him. If he's generally just bored in his chair we try to entertain him.

I feel so stupid and uselss as I honestly don't know how best to react to teach him how to behave and that's embarrassing for me!!!

Yes, sounds normal to me.

Really, really normal. He’s only been on the planet for 18 months - think what he’s learned already in that time!

I hate ‘ignoring’ children. This ridiculous notion that the slightest attention you give will turn them into a delinquent.

Read some books about what toddlers are like and why they behave as they do. The very best is Margot Sunderland ‘The Science of Parenting’. Also really good is ‘The Happiest Toddler on the Block’ by Harvey Karp.

Yes, terrible twos actually start about 18 months.

It's true, unfortunately, that the easiest (only?) way to avoid tantrums is to never, ever give in to them. If he gets what he wants as a result of a tantrum, even once, it will always be worth trying again. The good news is that if you stick to your guns, he'll soon learn. It's up to you if you think that's "right" but I'll bet that's what nursery do. Personally, it think it makes for happy toddlers, as they like to know where they stand and can't really enjoy tantruming.

OTOH, my Dad (general expert on everything ) used to reassure me that it was a compliment when otherwise well behaved DC played up for me. It was because they were completely confident in my unconditional love regardless of their behaviour, whereas they had to "earn" it from others so were on their best behaviour. It sounded good to me!

@Bestseller that theory is good enough for me!

Thanks for the advice and reassurance everyone.

Now just trying to figure out a way to get him to learn!

Get him to learn what? There’s no rush!

That sounds like my 18month old; if I know she’s getting annoyed and screaming because she can’t have something she wants etc then I just ignore the tantrum; including when we’re out i’ll either ignore it or take her outside.
I’m hopeful that her determination will be a good characteristic as an adult

OP you might find The Incredible Years (book) very helpful in the future. Evidence-based parenting.

He gets a very firm "no" if he won't calm down by calming telling him what he is doing is wrong.

He isn’t a rational human. You’re talking at him and it means nothing to him. He’s barely a toddler.

If we are at home and he continues we leave him to calm himself (as long he's in no danger of hurting himself). As I think a lot of it is an attention thing.

A lot of it is a frustration thing. He doesn’t have the capacity to understand the world or your expectations or to voice that. Put yourself in his place and ask yourself whether being ignored would work for you in that circumstance.

I feel so stupid and uselss as I honestly don't know how best to react to teach him how to behave and that's embarrassing for me!!!

You’re embarrassed by normal toddler behaviour? Read the books suggested above and then lower your expectations! You’ve a long road ahead otherwise!

Imagine trying to teach him chess. Think he’d get it? He’s not ready.

I wanted to respond to the only tantruming for parents. I’m not so sure it’s manipulation.
The less complex the relationship, the less we show of ourselves.
I’m very chilled and friendly with everyone, but my partner occasionally gets to see a different side of me. Toddlers are no different.
Your not necessarily going anything g wrong( unless you have trouble saying no).
Tantrums are so difficult to handle, I’m not sure I ever did, despite reading various toddler manuals.

@TiittyGolightly

You’re embarrassed by normal toddler behaviour?

No, I'm embarrassed at myself. The fact I've come on here to admit I have no fucking idea what I'm doing!

@TiittyGolightly apologies. That sounds like I was swearing AT you. I didn't mean it to be rude!

And thank you for all the reading suggestions everyone!

It's lush hard. One person says ignore him. Another says don't. Which is right?

I know it's normal, I totally chose the wrong words. It's just all the other kids seem to be perfectly behaved!

It’s so normal, they are changing so quickly and so much going on in their little brains that tantrums and things are not that surprising. It’s not a sign that you’re doing a bad job or that he’s particularly naughty he’s just figuring out communication, the world and his feelings. We are in a similar stage with my 2 year old. I try (and often fail) just to remain calm, loving and consistent. It will
pass

Also I read that toddlers tantrum in a safe space which is why they tantrum so much more around their parents, it’s because they feel safe to do so (just like you’re probably more likely to cry in front of a close friend than a colleague). I don’t know if this is true but it made me feel better 😆