9 month old only has tantrums with me?

[xoguineas]

I have a 9 month old little girl and her personality is definitely starting to shine through! She's a very determined little girl and she's been trying to pull herself up to stand in our tv unit where she then tries to pull everything off it (including the tv!) When she does this I've been saying a firm no and placing her elsewhere in the room but she just keeps trying.

The past week or so she's been having awful temper tantrums when I say no, she will scream and throw herself back or start kicking her legs in anger. I thought this was just a new thing he had learnt but she's only doing it with me! When my partner does the same (removing her from tv unit) she does so without protest or a temper or anything.

We both handle the situation the exact same way so I'm not sure why she seems to be so angry at me for it. Is it just part of being a mum that you get all the wild tempers (but I do get most of the cuddles so can't really complain!)?

I'm on ADs for PND and have been coping ok but previously was having really bad thoughts that my daughter hated me as she only seemed to cry for me and be more upset when alone with me so I'm trying not to think that way again but it can be hard when she is in full on tantrum mode screaming at me and I know she doesn't do that for anyone else.

I've read that babies children save their worst true selves for whoever they feel safest with. You are her safe place where she can feel and express those strong scary (for her) emotions

I have 2 dc aged 7 and 4. They always save their worst behaviour for me. They are good with everyone else (and me mostly) but when they want to push the boundaries or have had a tiring day/week at school and they give me their worst. I know with complete confidence that they adore me.

Take it as a compliment that she is securely attached enough to you that she can express herself like that (I was going to say misbehave but don’t think a 9 month old can really do that!)

After removing her more than once it may be wise to distract with another activity. She sounds frustrated/bored?

Don’t beat yourself up about it. Children always behave the worst with the people who they feel most secure with. They know that they can behave badly and you will always love them.

However, your child is only 9 months old and they are only just realising that they are a separate person to you. Things will get better when they are more mobile and they become less frustrated.

Thank for all the responses, it's reassuring to know I haven't done something wrong!

@Mamabear4180 I do get other toys/objects over and distract her. It works some of the time but she seems to think climbing up is a game and as soon as I set her down somewhere she's away crawling as fast as she can to get back (smiling the entire way I should add!)

Oh yes, I get this! Dd is an absolute angel for my parents/her dad/nursery etc, and then turns into a tiny ball of fury when she’s home. She’s generally lovely and funny, but my word, if she doesn’t like what I’m saying don’t I know it!

Don’t take it to heart. I guess she feels safest with me so she can let rip and know I’ll always be there. Bloody tiring though!

Is your partner better at distracting her with an alternative once they've moved her?

At this age squawking and crying is the main way your baby can communicate with you - try not to think of it as a 'temper tantrum' you'll learn about those when she hits 2 but just her saying "Oh but I've just learned to pull myself up and that's what I really wanted to do!". My baby definitely does it more for me and I actually think it's because I'm the most communicative with her so she's trying more with me, so you could see it as a positive thing.

Also consider some baby proofing now like fixing the TV to the wall so it doesn't matter about the unit - she's only going to get bigger and more physically able.

Sorry about the PND, all the best

@Marmighty I wouldn't say so, we both get one of her toys or move elsewhere in the room and she follows to see what we're doing/get her toy. She just seems to get more annoyed at me! The most frustrating part is that she is able to pull herself up on anything else with no issues but only seems to want to do it with the tv unit 

I am desperate to fix the tv to the wall as I hate it being so easy for her to get to but our LL has said he doesn't want us to put it up. I might get in touch with him again now she's moving and explain, hopefully he will understand! Thanks.

I have 9 month old twins. They literally scream whenever I move them away from anything or take anything off them. Full on temper tantrum however much I try and distract them.

Perhaps have a look on Facebook marketplace/eBay etc for one of those plastic playpens to fence the tv unit off?
We have one and they like to climb up on it and have started walking round the edges too.

@Zillcat oh my, I can't imagine it with twins! I definitely will look into them if I can't get tv fixed to wall. I've been lying in front of it the last few days when she's been crawling around to try block it with my body so would be more useful if I had something for that actual purpose! 

My daughter is 8mo and you’ve just described her to a T!! She’s generally a delight but these last few days has started the back arching and trying to run away (I say run, she hasn’t mastered crawling yet so appears to be a slug with hair....) when I change her nappy or put her down somewhere she doesn’t want to be. She is perfectly capable of actually getting to where she wants to be, she’s just royally pissed off that I’ve had the audacity to put her somewhere else. She also only does it with me!!

I’ve been told to take it as a compliment that she feels secure enough with me that she can display these behaviours without thinking I’ll just get up and leave or shout or something. No idea if it’s true, I’m not sure the brain of an 8/9mo would be a fun place to be

I thought I was the only one with a tantruming 9 month old! The other day he threw a toothbrush at me, then collapsed to the floor in rage because I tried to brush his teeth instead of letting him chew the brush.

Don’t take it personally. There will be phases when you get the easy bit, and phases where Daddy does. That’s easier said then done, especially with pnd. Is there something you can tell yourself that will help you get the perspective.

I would be nervous about an unrestrained tv and I think if you got it sorted you’ll be better equipped to respond without heat or anxiety?

I have little expectation of a no working with my 9 month old, I dont think he’s equipped to respond and moderate his behaviour really. I mean I say no but I’m all about the distraction or removing the temptation. Or removing the baby from the temptation!

My 3rd baby was/is the most active (she's 2 now). I had a small slide indoors for a while! She never listened to me either (still doesn't). I think the only things that kept me sane were toddler groups/swimming/parks etc. She was always a bit of a nightmare in the house. Constantly fiddling with everything, climbing everywhere.

She might enjoy a smartrike for xmas, a ball pool etc. Is she too big for those door swings still? Mine was quite petite! I'm not sure it's a parenting thing, men tend to have deep growly voices that toddlers listen to better for some reason! I never bothered gating things off either. I think she's quite young for TV so may just find being sedentary boring like mine did. It does pass, it's a frustrating age I think.

Mine threw her first wobbly at 11 months old in a coffee shop. I was shocked as my older 2 were much older! Some kids just were born wired!