How to deal with toddler behaviour

[TheChineseChicken]

DD is a bit over 2 years and appears to be developing the anticipated defiant toddler behaviour! Any advice on how best to handle the following:

• Refusing to eat most foods except bread, porridge and pasta (she eats seconds of everything at nursery so it's not that she doesn't like the food). At the moment we give her a variety of things and just let her eat what she wants (often asking her to at least try a spoonful of the other things with limited success). But it's annoying making food that doesn't get eaten.

• Deliberately 'naughty' behaviour (please note that we never call her or her actions naughty) such as throwing things, climbing on things, putting things in her mouth. These are things I can tell she is doing to get a reaction. We are trying to go down the route of just not reacting and/or trying to follow up with a consequence (eg throwing toys means some time away from toys) but I wondered if that is enough?

Thanks

Bump

I really wouldn’t worry about the food. If she’s not eating, I wouldn’t bother cajoling, just assume she’s not hungry and carry on eating yours.

Is she getting plenty of praise for the things you do like?

Thanks, that's what I thought about the eating.

She gets TONS of positive reinforcement and praise (probably too much!). I know it's just normal 2 year old behaviour but I find it quite draining sometimes and struggle not to get annoyed.

Offer foods you know she’ll like alongside the offending foods, limit snacks so she’s hungry at meal times but other than don’t force it and relax. Praise when she does eat well or tries something new.

As for the behaviour, calmly but in a boring voice tell her no and redirect to a more suitable activity. Praise her when she’s playing nicely.

This is what we do and it works fairly well but toddlers are designed to test our patience and sanity!!

Just try to stay calm and consistent, easier said than done I know but by being calm, it should help to keep her calm. If you’re struggling, try this book

Mine are just under two. If they throw stuff they get a warning. If they do it again I put them out of the room for a minute or so, then we do hugs and kisses to say sorry. About half the time they'll do hugs and kisses, if they don't want to I don't push it as they're still so little. The message does seem to be getting through. If they put stuff in their mouth I take it away and ignore the resulting tantrum. If I've got something to hand that they can have I give them that instead or try and distract them.

They've got toys they are allowed to throw so if they're in a throwing mood we get those out. It's only if they deliberately throw stuff at someone they get told off.

Thanks all. I feel reassured as everything you're advising is pretty much what we are already doing. Sometimes it feels so futile when they keep repeating behaviours but I suppose the message eventually gets though / they grow out of it.

Of course it's balanced out by the times they are lovely to be around... well, nearly 

Winky face didn't post on that last sentence!

I found “How to Talk so Little Kids Will Listen” really helpful. I don’t always manage it (who does?), but most of the time try a mixture of distraction away from breakables; getting down to her level, holding her and saying quietly “DD I don’t want my phone hit with the drumstick, it makes me sad...what are drumsticks for? Yep, you can hit a drum with them” then join in with her drumming; failing that I do sometimes take them away “even though you’re enjoying it, I can’t let you break things, it’s not kind”...then stick my fingers in my ears for the inevitable tantrum.

Food is tricky for us. She doesn’t eat a lot and getting her to sit at the table for more than 3 minutes is a challenge. The most helpful thing I heard though was to look across a whole week and not to judge a toddlers diet on one day alone. Sure she has days where she seems to just eat cereal and bread, but the next day she’ll eat mostly peas and bananas. The next she’ll be at nursery and by some sort of witchcraft (the same they use to get her to nap) she’ll eat 5 meals and have seconds with half of them!

You’re not doing anything wrong. Neither is your daughter. She’s just experimenting with choices and emotions. All we can do is steer them and be there to catch them or kiss it better when they fall off a chair.

Ah yes, napping! Let's not go there.

I like the idea of reminding her what things are for. Might try that. And I've heard of that book so will get hold of a copy.