To nap or not to nap?

[DorothyLNaySayers]

Sorry, this is a bit long, but I'm having a problem with my daughter/childminder and I'd appreciate some advice please.

Dd is 2.5 and since September has been going to pre-school for three hours a morning, four days a week. We live in France, where this is normal.

Childminder picks her up from school and takes her back to her house where she minds her until 5pm. DD loves childminder and I'm pretty sure childminder wants what's best for DD.

The issue is this: for a few months now, if DD has a nap during the day, it takes her ages to fall asleep at night. So on 'normal' days, she has a nap between 2 and 3, and then won't fall asleep until half nine or ten at night. If she has a nap for longer than an hour, she may not fall asleep until half ten or even later. She wakes up around half seven most days, whether she has a nap or not.

If she doesn't have a nap, we put her down at half seven in the evening and she sleeps for twelve hours.

We saw her paeditrician a few weeks ago for a routine check-up and when I explained the situation to her, she said that if DD doesn't need the nap, to cut it out.

However, the childminder is insisting that DD does need the nap - she says that DD is very tired and agitated after her morning at pre-school, and when she puts her down for her nap, she usually falls asleep straight away. Childminder is adamant that she will keep putting DD down for her nap if she's tired and needs one.

But obviously when she does that, DD doesn't then sleep until much later, meaning she's tired again the next day.

I don't know what to do for the best. If DD has a nap, she sleeps for a total of 11 hours (1 hr nap & 10 hours at night), and if she doesn't, she sleeps for 12 hours at night.

I don't want DD to be deprived of a nap if she needs one, but I'm concerned about her getting enough sleep.

Has anyone any sensible advice please?

Anyone?

Could you suggest limiting her nap to 30 minutes or having some quiet rest time after pre school instead?

You pay childminder, you get to dictate the nap schedule - within reason!

What time is preschool?

Blue I tried that. She refused. She’s willing to limit it to an hour, but that’s it.

dancemom well, she’s say that I can always use another childminder if I’m not happy with her care. Trouble is, childminders are like gold dust around here, and Dd is happy with her.

Pre-school is 9 to 12, four mornings a week. No school on Wednesdays.

I guess I’m really wondering though if she’s right in thinking that because Dd seems tired, goes down for her nap easily and does sleep, that she really does need the nap.

We had this exact thing with my DS. Although he started with fighting the nap some days. Nap - up til 9pm. No nap - out like a light at 6.30pm. I’m a sahm though so I have control over it.

I cut the nap. Although started with every other day etc and then it probably dropped to once a week. Even a short nap still meant he was up much later at bedtime. We do quiet time in his room instead. I get that your childminder still wants her to nap (who wouldn’t? I miss it!) but this is affecting your DD and your evenings

Thanks Caterina. Was your DS alright during the day when you cut the nap?

Has she only recently started preschool?

One of mine dropped daytime naps at 18 months but started kindergarten the month he turned 3 (8:30-12, 5 days a week - normal here from age 3 and like preschool too) and reverted to napping in the afternoon.

Once he'd got used to preschool it wasn't as tiring (it's stressful in its way even if they enjoy it. A childminder is a home environment with a sibling like group of children rather than 15-20 similar age kids so far less stressful, like being home with a parent). He stopped napping again after about 4 months.

If she's recently started preschool I'd give her 6 months of napping, she may be stressed even if she's happy and need the sleep after preschool. See how it goes but if she hasn't stopped when she turns 3 return to the subject and insist on phasing out naps.

This whole scenario is an only in France-ism! The French love nap time, when she starts maternelle they’ll expect her to nap there too. So I’m not surprised that the childminder is resistant to it. Ridiculous as it is, you might just have to adjust bedtime to accommodate the bloody nap- all of our relatives in France have had to do this.

Yes, she started in September blue, so she’s just done 2 months.

I would have no objections to doing things “the French way”, Josella, but she’s only getting 11 hours with the nap and it’s not enough, is it?
It’s the maternelle she’s at now, but only in the mornings. I talked to the maîtresse about it, and she said while they encourage all the children to have a nap, they don’t force them if they don’t want to.

Bloody, bloody French, though! So bloody stuck in their ways!

[Sorry. I do actually love living here, but this is frustrating me hugely.]

Could she start the nap at 1pm and reduce it to 45 mins (one sleep cycle so she should wake easier)?

Alternatively, put her an afternoon preschool if it exists and collect her from there, with Childminder doing the morning slot.

When he first started dropping it (same around 2.5) he did struggle by 5pm probably. But he got used to it. I’d still let him nap occasionally if I felt he really needed it, just not daily. And capped at 1hour