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Worried my son is the 'naughty child' - help!

8 replies

Tiredandemotional123 · 21/10/2018 19:53

My 3 year old DS is driving me potty. His behaviour is really challenging at the moment and nothing I do seems to work.

Examples of behaviours over the last week or so that reflect his behaviour in general:

  • Not listening to instructions and deliberately doing the opposite e.g. running outside without shoes on, running out of the toilet before I've wiped his bottom.
  • telling his Dad and I that he hates us.
  • running off and getting lost in a supermarket.
  • growling in other children's faces in shops.
  • shouting at random adults in public places.
  • kicking my bum when I'm crouched down doing something.
  • Constant demanding and pestering - wont/can't wait for me to finish what I'm doing (probably pretty normal for his age).
  • whining and screaming when he doesn't get his way (again probably fairly normal)
  • being grumpy and generally unpleasant when he was taken out for a treat he had previously been looking forward to.
  • calling us names (silly things like poo poo face!) Without provocation.
  • meal times are a hideous constant battle and I hate them.

He can be lovely and sweet too! I'm sure they don't have these issues at nursery. Only once have they told me he had been pushing his friends that day. He is very popular amongst his peers. When he has my full attention he plays nicely and is very loving. If he has friends to play with he is no bother.

We've just had a baby so perhaps this is an influence but tbh he was a bit like this before.

I try to be calm and firmly tell him no, redirect etc. Sometimes I take something away when he's misbehave e.g. no ice cream for pudding or no tv. When I've been at the end of my tether I've shouted at him loudly and he has laughed and carried on.

Last night I dreamt I was smacking his legs and bum. Have never smacked IRL but the urge is strong!

Help!

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
schooltripwoes · 21/10/2018 19:59

It's almost certainly a cry for attention - due to the new baby no doubt. Your best bet is to ignore the silly behaviour and go overboard praising good behaviour. It'll pass!

Tiredandemotional123 · 21/10/2018 20:56

I hope so. I think he has picked some things up from other kids at nursery too. When we go out I look around at other kids his age behaving nicely and it really upsets me! I can't get him to sit still for a minute unless the TV is on. Even that is losing its draw now!

OP posts:
cestlavielife · 21/10/2018 20:58

He is 3
You just had a baby
He is seeking attention
Be calm and firm and carve out some time for him

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ShovingLeopard · 21/10/2018 21:00

Oh dear, this sounds quite like my DD, though she wouldn't do all of that all the time. We certainly see a lot of those behaviours, though. She doesn't even have the excuse of a new sibling. She has not long turned 3, mind you.... is your DS nearer 4, OP ?

TBH, I see all the behaviour you mention with DD's nursery friends, too, though there are always those seemingly perfectly-behaved, docile kids who put them to shame! Is quite a lot of it not normal for a 3 year old?

Tiredandemotional123 · 21/10/2018 21:10

Yeah I think it is all fairly normal (although perhaps not being horrible to random people he sees?) But it's more frequent than 'normal' I think. The meal times are definitely a lot worse than other kids though....

I do spend time with him playing, take him out etc but he wants me ALL the time which obviously I can't do. I'll just keep plodding along...

OP posts:
cestlavielife · 21/10/2018 22:53

Taking away tv or ice cream needs to be relevant and at the time of the bad behaviour.
If he tips his ice cream bowl then no ice cream
If he runs off in supermarket put reins on him there and then
A logical consequence straightaway

If he loses ice cream for something he did two hours ago it s meaningless.
If he hits baby while watching tv then tv goes off.
If he calls you poo poo face ignore him.

buffysummers4 · 23/10/2018 11:21

Mine went through a pretty challenging phase at 3 but is much better now at 4.5. things that worked - staying v v calm and ignoring silly stuff like name calling (turn away and walk away). For any nastiness to baby the most effective approach by far was to make a massive fuss of the baby while ignoring older one completely. Also star charts and counting to 3 then cutting down tv time. I did twice have to put him to bed with no dinner because he'd messed about sooo much (eg about fifty 'final chances' to come and sit at the table)..... I felt terrible but he didn't starve and I think sometimes you have to carry through with consequences so they take you seriously. I generally didn't use food as a consequence though except for behaviour specifically at mealtimes. Luckily mine was quite good out and about though, much better than at home. Good luck!

Glossymare · 23/10/2018 11:24

He sounds 3 tbh

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