What is wrong with my toddler? Struggling to cope.

[JupiterDrops]

I'll try to keep this concise, I've posted similar threads over the past 18 months about various stages of my DCs life but nothing ever really improves.

DC is 18 months.
They cry or whine constantly, all day long. And I don't mean standard toddler whinging- all of the babies we know of the same age are nothing like this even the most intense ones. A lot of people will say 'oh bless them, is it one of those days, teething maybe?' but close friends who we see often are the only ones who are able to understand and realise that it is completely constant. We get smiles and giggles but on the whole I would describe them as fairly miserable.

They don't seem to be in physical pain as can point out if something hurts eg teeth, and can stop whining when they want to. It's like their default settling is to whine- I realise it sounds like I'm exaggerating but it is relentless, from the second they wake up to the second they go to bed.

My husband and I are so drained. I count down at the weekend until Monday morning so I can go to work, i absolutely hate saying this but it's not very often I enjoy my time with them as I just don't know how much longer I can listen to it.

Doctors aren't interested other than to say they are a 'high needs' child which doesn't help us in any way. We've tried every possible thing we can, including ignoring the whining (it turns into screaming and tears in about 20-30 seconds every single time) and praising/giving lots of attention for the rare moments when there's no whining.

Has anybody had a similar issue? And if so, did you child ever get a diagnosis of something underlying that may have been contributing? They've been this way from the day they were born but it was screaming/crying all day and now whinging.

I just don't know what to do or how we can cope much longer.

@Cherries101 it's definitely not boredom. We are out the house the majority of the day- standard day (weekends or not at nursery) would include around 3 of farm trip, soft play, walk, park, playdate, toddler class, library trip/event, seeing grandparents etc.
Toys at home are rotated regularly and swapped with neighbours who have the same age kids.

@Jupiter if you need pm support feel free, I honestly get it. He used to keep us awake half the night too with sudden piercing screams waking us. Someone stayed once and said ‘what was wrong with him last night??’....err nothing, he just wakes and opens his mouth and lets out a horrific sound. He was very VERY clingy with me at home, impossibly so, but would go to toddler groups or crèche situations very nicely, which was a total paradox. I had to take him with me everywhere and if I went upstairs to get something / was heading into the garden with washing and forgot to tell him he’d get hysterical. It was really hard, and nothing really worked. And my goodness the tantrums. They had to be seen to be believed. But honestly it did improve. I counted the months to his first and second birthdays though desperate for a change. At times I had to put him in his cot and walk away and calm myself down because he the screaming was so intense, so frequent, with no other adult support, I was scared of how stressed and angry he made me. I remember saying to DH and him agreeing that we understood perversely how people ended up shaking their babies. I couldn’t believe I had an insight into it and that scared me in itself. What it has made me is very aware of other new mums and ready to step in and offer support if I think they’re struggling.

The other thing I did was go on meds as I was so stressed and anxious and felt terrible the whole time and that really helped. The GP told me how common it was for parents to need them as the pressures of parenting are so intense.