Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Flip

Original poster

Still at in-laws 5 weeks after birth

14 replies

Amram111 · 21/10/2018 15:17

Hi all,

First time posting. My daughter was born 5 weeks ago and my wife had a level 3 tear. After a week in hospital, her parents insisted we go stay with them and we were glad to have the support. Since then, her mum has been great with her, but I feel like every time I pick up the baby especially if she’s crys her mum says ‘what has daddy done to you’ and then takes my daughter away from me. Generally I don’t get to spend more than 5 minutes with her before someone takes her off me.

Her parents house is small and uncomfortable, and I just feel on my own here. I have tried speaking to my wife who agrees with me, but says she doesn’t want to upset her parents by going’s back to our home and feels like she is in the middle of her parents and me. Which is stressing her out, which I don’t want to do. Her parents are now suggesting we stay until she is 3 months.

I can’t speak to my family as they already think we should be going back to our home, I can’t speak to my wife as I don’t want to stress her out. I’ve limited my involvement with my daughter to occasionally changing her during the day and doing the night time feeds where no one can criticise me.

I’m probably being over sensitive, but has anyone been in this situation before, any advice?

OP posts:

PrincessWire · 21/10/2018 15:20

I understand this is difficult but you need to go home! You're never going to get yourselves into a proper routine if you're not in your own home. Your wife needs to stand up to her parents.

BertramKibbler · 21/10/2018 15:21

Your wife needs to say it’s time to go. You need your own space as a family of three.

Aprilislonggone · 21/10/2018 15:22

Suggest to your dw you aren't getting the chance to bond with your dd while staying there. Your dd needs 2 dps not 4!!

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

0-3 months old 3-6 months old Babies & sleep Families

Gazelda · 21/10/2018 15:26

CAn you and your wife say that you're returning home so that you can get into routines such as baby groups, HV weigh ins, etc. I feel that it's very important that your wife gets to know other new mums. That your baby gets to know other babies. That you and your wife create routines that support each other, at you both feel equal as parents.

Rascallsall · 21/10/2018 15:27

You should have left 4 weeks ago. Time to put your foot down. This will definitely be effecting how you both bond with your daughter.

BertramKibbler · 21/10/2018 15:32

Hazel day makes a good point. We moved area completely when the babies were 4 months and it’s much harder to male mum friends, everyone’s out of the newborn phase and little groups are well established.

Shoobydooby09 · 21/10/2018 20:02

You do need to go home. Agree with PP tell your wife you feel like you are not bonding with your baby daughter and this is far more important than her not wanting to upset her parents. What should they be upset about anyway you have stayed with them for 4 weeks but now it's time to go home as You need to establish a routine. When you have your baby be more assertive, and perhaps a bit firmer, tell whoever is trying to take baby from you that you are quite happy holding your daughter. If she is upset, niggly or crying tell them you are fine and you need to learn as they will not always be around. Stand your ground and good luck.

NotSoThinLizzy · 21/10/2018 20:08

I was like this with both babies, stayed at my mum's much to the disapproval of OH. It was a safety net having them around to be fair I did have post natal depression though which played a big part. And a useless OH.

CoolGirlsNeverGetAngry · 21/10/2018 20:11

Get the hell out of there op.

Knicknackpaddyflak · 21/10/2018 20:13

Is your partner anxious about not coping if she goes home? Is she recovering from a c section? Will you be at work and she'll be alone at home most of the time? Maybe if you can pin down any reasons why she wants to be with her parents it would help, as just a fear of upsetting them seems a bit of a thin reason by itself?

Agree, your family needs to be at home and you and your partner doing the parenting not GPs, it's the reasons why your partner doesn't see this as the best option that might need figuring out.

LittleBearPad · 21/10/2018 20:15

Dear god - go home.

If DW struggles and needs her mum she can come and stay but you need to establish your family at home in your own house.

Ploppymoodypants · 21/10/2018 20:17

Yep you need to go home. Well done for sticking it that long. Sounds like you have been supportive of your DW but it’s been going on too long.
Your in-laws sound kind and caring, but you need to be a family now. Otherwise you will be back at work, DW and in-laws will establish routine with baby and you will find it harder and harder to fit in.
I understand how difficult it is and none of you want to be ungrateful. But honestly you need to learn how to be a family unit and how to support each other. Or before you know it, 3 weeks will be 3 months and then 6 and so on and on.

Unicornandbows · 21/10/2018 20:19

I think when someone tries to take your DD away you need to put your foot down and be like I need to console her she is my daughter.

You need to not give your daughter up so easily and they will get the message..

And also move out

Nichola2310 · 21/10/2018 21:42

I had my baby 7 weeks ago and my mother visited regularly. I had a section and a back problem so needed lots of help. However I found being in the company of my mum and husband at the same time very stressful!! Mum wanted to help with the baby but my DH wanted time with the baby too, and it got to the point they were almost bickering over the baby. You really need to have a serious conversation with your wife. You will never get these early days back, and 5 weeks is more than enough time to have had the support of parents.

Flip