PND or am I just a shit mum?

[Hangingbyathread12]

Baby is 9 months, also have 4 yo. We’re just a normal family, live relatively comfortably. I work part time, DH works full time (50 hours pw mon-sat)

I’m so so fed up. I am finding myself bursting into tears regularly. The baby doesn’t sleep, he doesn’t take a bottle, he doesn’t eat food, he won’t be put down. He’s like a newborn. He wants to be held and breastfed constantly while pulling my hair or scratching my eyes.

My eldest is a nightmare, flat out ignores everything I say, hurts his brother, hurts me. Refuses to do anything. He comes down in the morning, gets all his toys out to cover the floor then says ‘tidy it’ he doesn’t do this for his father but his father is never here. He’ll hear me just put the baby to sleep and will run into baby’s room and scream to wake him up. He’s punished for these things, we’ve tried ignoring him and praising him for good things, I’ve tried naughty steps, taking away toys, taking him for a special day on sundays etc but it continues.

Recently the urge to walk out has been eating me alive, I can’t stop fantasising about it. Just leaving. I hate being a mum, every second of the last month or so I’ve absolutely despised. When my shift ends and I drive home I cry in the car knowing what is coming.

It doesn’t help that I have quite a few medical issues so am in pain constantly, as well as shattered from lack of sleep. Also in a new area, have no family or friends near.

What I really want to know is if this is likely to get better. Maybe a form of PND or something that will go? Or if I’m going to just continue feeling this way? Because I cannot go on feeling this way if so. I can’t do it. The minute I’m up for the day I feel tears in my eyes. If that is the case then I need to look into if I can continue raising my children.

Sounds like it could be pnd, do see your gp there is help for you, you do not have to feel like this, and you are definitely not a shit mum. Being a mum to little ones is so demanding and you work as well!

Having a partner working so much would be hard for most families

You need to get that baby sleeping. If you can afford it, get a sleep consultant.
Otherwise do sleep training yourself. But once the baby sleeps everything will be better

am in pain constantly, as well as shattered from lack of sleep. Also in a new area, have no family or friends near

You are having a rough time of it, aren't you

You're not a shit mum - you sound overwhelmed to me, and it's not surprising!

It will get better. Your baby will start sleeping. Your eldest will adjust to all the changes in his world. In the meantime, you and your DH need to work on survival strategies. I know it's difficult when breastfeeding, but can your DH help with nights? How do you split the workload at the weekend?

As long as the baby is feeding, don't stress about him eating food. Just offer it, if he doesn't eat it, don't stress - he's getting everything he needs from the milk. Have you tried putting him in a sling? Cliche I know, but it means he'll have the closeness he wants and you get your hands free!

It sounds to me like your eldest is acting out for attention. You have a demanding baby and are exhausted and in pain, and he is reacting to you. Do you get any time where it's just the two of you, where you can talk and play or read stories and he gets your 100% attention?

This absolutely could be PND, or it could just be everything getting on top of you. Make an appointment with your GP, they will be able to help.

You're doing a great job

I have a 9 month old and a nearly 4 year old. Think 9 months is still really hard especially if they are not sleeping well, like mine. I am still really tired and I thought by now it would be easier but seems harder than the new born days.
You may have pnd but I think a lot of it is due to lack of sleep or that at least makes it worse.
Not sure what to suggest but hope it gets better soon for you. I keep thinking will all start to get easier in a few weeks or months...

Gosh I think we are on the same page.

A few times this week I've just wanted to run away.

I have a nearly 2 year old and 6 month old. The 2yo just screams and tantrums all day. He often is found sitting on, or standing on the baby. He wakes up early and is sometimes up in the night. He cries and wakes the baby (and vice versa)

Baby won't eat anything (ok it's early days but he gags and is sick when I try purée) or take a bottle.

I have resorted to sleep training the baby as its all just too much to deal with right now. I managed to get the eldest on a sleepover with my DH and grandparents for 2 nights. Those were the toughest 2 nights. But last night was night 5 and baby slept through from 8-6:45 (with a 10pm dream feed). I hope this continues because I think I might be able to cope better with more sleep .

Is sleep training an option for you?

Thanks so much everyone who replied, I feel 1000 times better just hearing it.

I’ve tried sleep training but after an hour and half of screaming I gave in, I might give it a go again though as a few nights of suffering for him will be worth it to have a mum who can actually function. I keep thinking if he gets good naps etc in he might be a happier baby all round.

The eldest has had lots of 121 time but makes no difference. He has started school and got a sibling all in a close timespan so I’m cutting him some slack but he’s not making it easy!

DH tries to help at night but baby just screams without me, which means I’m up anyway!

Hopefully things will start improving soon.
Thank you and to those in the same boat, hope it improves

What is your childcare when you are at work? If I was you/your DH and there is any possibility I would use my last penny to book one extra day so you can catch up on sleep and sanity for 6months during this really tough season. Mum having a mental breakdown will end up costing you all more dearly (I mean that kindly!).

for you, so sorry things are so hard! I have a non-sleeping 21 month old and frequently feel that urge to just leave and feel like a shit mum. You are not alone.

Please come and join us here
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/parenting/3398261-Parents-of-Criers-Support-Thread-Respite-from-the-Screaming
I'm quite open about how awful I find it. I have two under 2 and my husband works odd shifts, so is mostly out of the house from 6.30am until 8pm. I still don't know whether I have PND or a shit baby. It's not you though, that I can promise!