Head Banging

[Malibeau]

I know this is a common thing that some toddlers do to express frustration etc.

But DP keeps punishing my 21 month old DS for banging his head when he's upset by putting him in his cot for a few minutes. He tells him not to bang his head, and when/if he does it again he puts him in his cot.

I feel really uncomfortable about this because I don't think head banging is necessarily bad behaviour, just frustration for not being understood. Therefore making the situation worse when he gets shoved in his cot.

I can't stand hearing the crying  and there's no reasoning with DP about it... Thoughts?

I think a 21 month old shouldn't be "punished" for anything! The only way to deal with it really is to stay very calm and disinterested and just make sure he's safe and can't hurt himself. So moving him onto a safe surface, putting cushions under or whatever works. Why does your DP ignore what you think about this? Does he usually not listen to your point of view?

What kind of things trigger the head banging?

Thank you - that seems like a much better plan of action.

DP never really even consulted me first before deciding on putting DS in his cot as a result for head banging, he just got on with it and said I would confuse DS if I intervened and did something different. He's not DS's biological father.

I find DP to see things as overly black and white. So in this case head banging is just bad behaviour in his opinion and nothing else I suspect. And he probably thinks it can be resolved just as simply as being consistent with putting DS in his cot...

If DP thinks something is correct in his mind, he does not give me the time of day. It's awfully frustrating 

As for what triggers the head banging itself, it's mainly of DS can't have what he wants (more biscuits etc), or if something isn't going his way. Or when he wakes up from his nap and he's a bit grumpy he'll bang his head on his cot.

Ok, well imo not being prepared to even discuss how you parent your own child is totally unacceptable. It's not want I'd want from my partner and it would make me reconsider the relationship in all honesty.

Can you find some time to sit down with him without children around, and raise this issue of not discussing joint issues? Particularly when it comes to parenting. I would tell him that it's unacceptable that he makes unilateral decisions, and that you expect to have an adult conversation and come to a joint decision about what to do. A compromise if necessary, it's not about one person or the other getting to "win", it's about what's best for your son.

Jesus. He’s not even the baby’s father. Tell him to fuck off