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Original poster

Sad child

14 replies

MiggledyHiggins · 19/10/2018 15:41

There's something bothering my DS (6) and I'm looking for tips or strategies to help him articulate what it is.

The background: SIL does afterschool care and has done since Sept 17. He's happy there, and is like an extra sibling to his 3 cousins, granny is down the lane, so it's like a home from home for him. His dad and I both work full time and have a long commute on top of that.

This morning he woke up crying. He was in our bed as usual having snuck in during the night. His dad asked him what was wrong, was he in pain. Nothing was sore, and he told his dad "he's just sad and it's too hard to explain" then fell back asleep. 10 mins later he's up for the day and as chirpy as anything. DP put it down to some sort of dream he was having.

Then SIL just rang. DS was subdued at pickup, and not interacting with cousins as usual. She put on the tv to distract him but he wanted her to call either of us to come get him and was just crying. So I had a chat with her and she thought he might just be exhausted at the end of a long week, or that he might be coming down with something. I chatted to him on the phone and he just seemed so sad. I know when he's upset because he's tired and this didn't sound like it. The crying is very much out of character for him. He said nothing happened at school, and he's not feeling unwell, he's just sad and wanted us to come home asap.

It's possible it's just tiredness but just in case he has something on his mind that he can't articulate or put into words I'm looking for tips or strategies on how best to draw out what's bothering him so we can fix it.

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Original poster
MiggledyHiggins · 19/10/2018 15:42

Sorry I should clarify - SIL's been doing afterschool care since September 2017 so not a new arrangement that might be unsettling him.

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INeedNewShoes · 19/10/2018 15:48

I have no experience of this with my own child but when I was an au pair one of my mindees was suddenly sad like this. I eventually managed to help her reveal the reason after a long session sitting next to her on her bed reading to her then just chatting. I didn't ask outright but just tried to say things to open the conversation.

Not for today but if the issue continues I know some people have some success with worry monsters (cuddly toys where you post your worries into a zipped compartment) and there are books aimed at this age group to show how to talk about feelings.

I think my first port of call would be to just keep everything relaxed, and create a quiet moment that might allow for a conversation (hot chocolate together on the sofa sort of thing).

Original poster
MiggledyHiggins · 19/10/2018 15:59

Thank you Shoes. I think I'll order a book or two and the worry monster is a great idea.

His dad is skiving off early to get him an hour or so earlier than normal and I'm planning a chilled out evening watching a movie with us with ice cream. Usually at bedtime after story I get his little cares for the day if he has any so he might reveal something then.

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MerryMarigold · 19/10/2018 16:04

I usually chat to my kids for a while in bed. As they are falling asleep, things can come out, but try not to openly probe too much in a 'what's wrong, is something making you sad?' kind of way. It's sometimes they say something a bit random which I then probe around.

MerryMarigold · 19/10/2018 16:05

(Sounds likely that it's friendships or teacher issues though).

Seniorschoolmum · 19/10/2018 16:10

My ds did this. In the end, it solved itself when I got flu and told him I needed a cuddle because I was poorly. He came into bed with me and just sat saying nothing for a while. No pressure, then I said I felt rubbish because someone in the office had given me a cold.
And he said he felt rubbish because his teacher kept shouting at him and calling him a nasty boy.....Angry

It took for him to see me feeling low, for him to know it was ok for him to feel low too. Then we decided what we’d do about the man who n the office and the teacher together.

Original poster
MiggledyHiggins · 19/10/2018 16:30

Sil has just texted. No temp, ate all his dinner and is off for a treat now with her lot so is a bit better.

Marigold, that's usually when DS opens up as well and we usually have a chat about how he feels etc then he goes off to sleep happy. You and Senior are probably right in that it's something at school that he's mulling over combined with him just being knackered.

But it's no harm to look into ways of better communication with him for when the Big Deal stuff that upsets him comes along.

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BlackInk · 19/10/2018 16:31

It's only been one day, so my guess would be that he's just very tired, coming down with something, or is just feeling sad today.

I think it's important for children to know it's ok to feel sad sometimes. Everyone does, and there's not always a big, bad reason for it.

I know it's hard to see our LOs sad, but it's part of life sometimes. Unless it goes on for a while I would try not to read too much into it. Spend as much time together as you can and encourage him to share his feelings. Like a PP said. Maybe tell him about something that sometimes makes you sad, and things that help you to feel better.

My 6yo DD sometimes seems sad/serious for a period. With her it's usually anxiety rather than sadness as such.

Original poster
MiggledyHiggins · 19/10/2018 16:32

His teacher is renowned for basically being Mary Poppins and is adored by all the pupils and past pupils of her class. And he had the same teacher last year so it's not teething problems with a new one.

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RB68 · 19/10/2018 16:37

Its the Friday before the last week of this half term - sounds like bone weariness and maybe some issues at school - give him plenty of good food and rest and fresh air over the weekend and see how things go

Original poster
MiggledyHiggins · 19/10/2018 16:38

Thank you Blackink. Ds can be a wee worrier at times so there's that. I do like what you suggest to make sure he knows that we can all have a sad day here and there. I actually need to tell myself that as well because it's crossed my mind that it could be something big when it's probably just a falling out with one of his friends.

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MiggledyHiggins · 19/10/2018 16:40

That's a good plan RB68. It's movie and icecream tonight then tomorrow I might take him after his swim lesson to my DM's house for the rest of the weekend. Its' beside the sea so we can go crabbing and skimming stones on the beach and do some outdoor stuff with him.

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RB68 · 20/10/2018 00:11

its due to be nice so that sounds great - can I come!!!

Hope it goes well for you

Ariela · 20/10/2018 01:15

It is coming up to half term, and IME at that age tiredness is kicking in - they're having to do a lot more work at school, and that half term is a much needed break. So I think the weekend by the sea will be good.
Just out of interest as my DF lived by the sea: do you find that he sleeps better after a day of sea air?

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