Lack of sleep making me irritable and really depressed

[jadericho]

I have a 5 month old son and he's been waking every 20 minutes to two hours (if I'm lucky) since he was about 11 weeks. He slept fine before then, with just a few wakings in the night for a feed, sometimes even slept through. He's exclusively breastfed and is refusing a bottle although it's a working process at the minute because I'm really struggling and it would be nice for my partner to be able to take some of the load. He's not the best napper in the day, he won't nap for any longer than 40 minutes at a time but he does go down fairly well (I feed him to sleep then put him in his pram). I just feel really really low and I'm starting to question my parenting skills because you read everywhere that you're wrong for feeding them to sleep at night but I'm clueless as to what else to do? I'll do anything for the sake of sleep at this point, it's the quickest way for him to fall asleep. I'm so delirious by this point I've even started falling asleep with him on me at night and then I'll wake up hours later. This makes me feel absolutely horrific, I'd never forgive myself if anything happened to him. Just all thus lack of sleep is really affecting me now. I'm snappy and to put it bluntly I'm a bitch to my other half. I'm probably horrible to be around. I don't want to do anything or see anyone. I don't feel like this is PND, I've never been the sociable time and I'm a proper homebird but I never used to dread seeing people - but now I just can't be bothered, it just seems like so much added effort. I just know it's because I'm sleep deprived. What can I do? Please tell me it gets better. Today I'm wearing his cot bed sheets tucked down my top so that it'll smell like me tonight and I'm gonna wedge some rolled up towels either side of the cotbed (underneath the sheet) to make it more cosy and secure for him kind of? Bit like a sleepyhead?? Probably won't work but I'm so bloody desperate I'll try anything

Just wanted to say I know how you feel. I have a 9 month old baby and I am still sleep deprived. I am also snappy and a bitch to my husband, I get annoyed with him for been able to sleep so much at night.
I am still breastfeeding, tried to give up but couldn't. She will have a bottle sometimes but not enough to fill her fully. She also falls asleep on me and I think I will just carry on letting her for now as it works.
I felt like she was getting better a few weeks ago but then got a bad cold that lasted ages and we have just gone backwards.
You are probably going through a sleep regression, so it might get better soon.

Try not feeding him to sleep.
It worked with DS.
Keep him awake and put him in his cot sleepy but not asleep.
Make sure the lights are dimmed, no noise, no distractions, but awake.

No advice but a hand hold as I'm in exactly the same position with my 7 month old DD. I'm suffering with depression too and the lack of sleep is making me feel horrendous. I get part way through the night before moving into the spare room with her as it's the only way she'll sleep for more than an hour. I've got a a KIT day at work tomorrow and friends at the weekend but DH and I have decided to tackle it head on from Monday. Going to be a mix of shush pat and controlled crying (she cries when put down, even if I'm right next to her!).

Hi
The fact your baby goes down for naps and slept fairly well until 11 months makes me think this is a phase. Has it always been this bad or has it been getting progressively worse after 11 weeks
There’s a 4 month regression- could be affecting him? As well as developmental leaps etc- there’s a lot going on in your baby’s mind!

I’m no expert, I only have my own experience. I fed my baby to sleep at times like this as was too difficult to settle him any other way and he would cry angrily

I used what I had in my arsenal at the time.

My baby was a grotty sleeper.. went through all the regressions, was on my knees with sleep deprivation. I fed him to sleep exclusively up until 7 months and then he was on a bottle from then on and finished off on boob as the hour long feeds(sometimes 1 1/2 hours) at 9 o clock we’re getting too much. At 8 months he decided he no longer wanted to finish off on boob and now sleeps through the night.

It’s not popular on mumsnet, but honestly in my opinion the only way round this is to stop feeding your baby to sleep. Some babies can obviously be fed to sleep at bedtime and then get themselves back to sleep when they wake in the night, yours clearly can’t do that, so he is relying on you to get him back to sleep every time he wakes up.

It’s not easy though, but you need to feed your baby til he’s drowsy but not asleep and then put him awake in his cot. You could also try a dummy and a comfort blanket or toy. Basically you want the conditions when he wakes up to be the same as when he fell asleep, otherwise he’s not going to be able to settle himself.

The lack of sleep is a total killer. I agree you need to stop feeding to sleep, and the sooner you start the easier it'll be for the both of you to get used to a new way of doing things. I had some success with shush-pat to settle baby to sleep at that sort of age, and a bit of pick-up-put-down if baby was getting upset. It took months as I wanted a fairly gradual, gentle approach, but after a month or two I really started to see results in how long her stretches of sleep became, and the night feeds got easier to cope with.

She started sleeping through at 9 or 10 months, but not all the time. Still so so much better than it had been and a huge relief!

If your baby will sleep for hours on you, perhaps set up for some safe cosleeping for a week or two so you can regain some rest and sanity, then start to tackle settling baby using alternative methods to boob as soon as you feel able.