Son a nightmare after nursery. Advice wanted

[Lauraandbump2]

My 3 year old son (3 in August, youngest in his class) started nursery this September. He goes every afternoon for 3 hours 12.20-3.20pm. He loves it and comes out happy. Upon getting home he turns into Damian! I understand he is tired and hungry but he shouts at us, kicks, smacks, is rude to to people we meet in our street if neighbours greet us before we get through the door, it's become unbearable. He will kick up a storm regarding dinner and bathtime. I have a 5 month old who is getting upset during this outbursts from him and it's become a horrible environment indoors after school each evening. I dont know how I can help change this? I already ensure he has a big lunch before he goes and greet him when he finishes with a drink and snack. When we get home I have his bath run already cooling down and already have his dinner ready to dish up. I have the telly on for him so he can chill out nicely on the sofa and his books nearby for downtime... I really don't know what else I can do? I've moved his bedtime earlier too however this then means he is getting up at silly o'clock and that's one of the reasons why he is so tired after school. It's become a relentless circle. I spoke with his teachers, he's an angel during school time and unfortunatle they do not have any morning sessions available instead of afternoons. Anyone experienced same with their little ones? Any advice would be much appreciated.

Is there a playpark that you can drop into after nursery? Maybe an hour running around might tire him out physically, so that he hasn't got the energy to play up when you get home. A bit like debriefing...

@singlenotsingle Yes there is. I thought where he seems so exhausted from school he wouldn't be able to manage a trip to the park? Although he did ask to go park on way home today coincidentally!

My DD was like this when she first started pre School. You just have to wait until they adjust. I'm my experience trying to tire them out more by going to playgrounds just makes them worse.

We had this. I read some stuff about how children basically have to stuff their emotions down during nursery etc... they don't respond how they want to all the little disappointments and upsets they experience while there (tiny things to us, but big things to them: so being told No by an unfamiliar adult, being told to wait, difficult interactions with other kids e.g. being snatched from etc) so when they get home all those feelings come spilling out in angry, defiant, upset behaviour.

He needs emotional reconnection with you - a cuddle, some rough play (laughter is as effective at helping them get it all out as crying). If he's an angel at preschool then it makes even more sense - he behaved and regulated and manages his emotions the whole time he's there and doesn't let them spill out til he's home with you. Which is cool when you think about it and shows the start of him developing emotional regulation skills.

It's great you're so organised for him when he gets back, maybe if everything is done then there is time for some real reconnection with him e.g. read the books with him rather than him looking himself, find 15 minutes to play one on one or even set a timer and say ok we can play what you want for 15 minutes. It sounds a bit airy fairy to some but had the exact same problem with my 3 yr old DS and making that effort to let him reconnect with me made a night and day difference. Check out ahaparenting.com which is where those ideas come from

What are the nursery doing during that time? Just thinking that it’s an unusual slot for him to attend and that DD’s nursery would be really boring at that time as most of the kids, including a lot of the 3 year olds would be sleeping and even those that have dropped their nap have to have quiet time. So perhaps rather than being over tired he could be bored/frustrated?

I would ask nursery about their afternoon routine so you can see if he is getting any physical activity there. Also do they have strict routines or does each afternoon session vary? It could be that he is confused about their routine. I would extend his bed time later so that he gets up at a later time in the day if as you say he gets up very early in the morning.
You will probably find that he settles in time and it becomes easier. Is he an angel at nursery because he is too scared / shy not to be and is then letting all the feelings out when you collect him and he feels safe? Is he acting out what he is seeing other children doing at nursery and trying it out in you? Be firm but friendly, tire him out at the park and a reasonable bed time and all should, in time, be good. Be patient x

Some really great advice thank you all. Glad I posted. @jenala and @beautifulseren that does seem how he is during school time so makes perfect sense. I will try these techniques with him (thank you both) and see if they make a difference. He's not a bad kid at all so just want to help him out best I can.

DS2 is an August birthday, the youngest in his class, just started 12.30-3.30 nursery and he is exactly the same. It's a school nursery so the afternoon in a repeat of the morning Josella.
He loves it, wants to go every day, but we normally get as far as the school gates and he is tearful about the littlest things. He only stopped having a nap the week before he started and if he had a morning place he would definitely nap after.
So first we have tears, then later we have the slightly over tired crazy behaviour before he will finally settle.
Every night this week he has been bouncing off the walls till 8ish then finally goes to sleep. I have to wake him at 7am for work so I feel like he's always short on sleep and as you say a viscious cycle.
I'm hoping as time goes on he'll adapt because he does really like it but it does make me worry about how he'll cope next year in Reception?